Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Duke Fuck List

I started chronicling my athlete exploits in late 2009 after a US soccer kid (and there's a reason I use the term kid) blew me off in a big way in Chicago and broke my rarely breakable heart for like, a summer. I'd start writing, then meet a new athlete, then shit would go south, then I'd keep writing, and I'd meet an analyst for UBS and stop writing and hide all evidence, afraid my exploits would scare him off, then shit would go south, etc. etc. etc.

I had gone to a literary agent at the beginning of September about the potential of my book idea. I gave him a few sample chapters, similar to shit I've written on here. His response wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.

"Desperate", "pathetic", "embarrassing", and "my wife would be horrified if I represented you" were only some of the "constructive criticisms" this guy gave me. And I was a bit dejected. Yes, a lot of the stories are pathetic. But so are Tucker Max's, so are a lot of guy blog sites. Why was it okay for guys to brag about their sexpoloits and when girls did it, it was desperate and unfunny? No fair.

Needless to say, that same literary agent sent me a link with Karen Owen's now internet infamous Duke University Fuck List at the end of September. And I sent him a big "fuck you, I told you there was a niche" e-mail back.

Here's the thing - I don't know Karen Owen, but I have read her "thesis". And yes, in my opinion, it's pretty fucking good. She's frank, she's crude, she's funny, and above all, she shows that sex doesn't have to be about love and kitties and rainbows and marriage and wedding rings to all women. That, like guys, sex can be about being horny, or reputations, or looks, or simply for the sheer story of it all. And that doesn't make these girls slutty or whorish. It makes them honest and down right fucking refreshing.

I hate going all feminazi on you folks, but the sad truth is, women get the shitty end of a double standard when it comes to sex and these kinds of stories. The Rachel Uchitels of the world, sure, I get that animosity. But women like Owen should be put in the same light as the Tucker Max's, as the College Humor writers, as the Deadspins and the Jezebels. Why? Because they are stepping up and saying "fuck all of you, I had sex, and it was funny, and I have no problem talking about it". It shows people that women like Owen care more about what they personally feel about themselves, than what some Christian stranger in Missouri will think about them. It shows that women like Owen have enough confidence in themselves to say "fuck everyone else, it's my life and you are not going to tell me what I can and can't think is funny". And that's huge for a girl. It's huge for a girl to own her own sexual identity and more so, for that sexual identity to be shameless and bold. I'm not a fan of the women who dont find humor in sex, because I know better than anyone we've all had that embarrassing sex you talk about with your friends over wine. We've all seen penises bigger than our heads, we've all had issues walking at some point, and those stories shouldn't be tagged with some sort of scarlet letter that represents slut.

I've done enough shady shit in my lifetime, particularly when it comes to sex and guys, that I'd hope most people wouldn't be willing to give the "shameless, funny sex story telling" copyright to guys alone. I earned a piece of that, and if you think I'm a slut, that's fine. But while other girls are lambasting Owen on the comments and calling her a slut and a whore and a braggart, I'd like to salute Ms. Owen for being a god damn real person with a vagina and hormones and a fucking sense of humor. Snaps to you, Karen, for going the ATHLETE route! Love it! So much more fun than actors or bankers (trust me). Kudos to you, Karen, for keeping it real, and letting the dudes know that it's not just their dicks that have an opinion on the whole situation at hand. We make fun of you, too. We make lists, too. We tell our friends about whether or not you have a huge man forest of pubes or whether you have bacne or whether you make weird faces when you finish. Women just get a bad wrap for even CONTEMPLATING joking about such things.

PS - Can you hook me up with Tony McDevitt? I've had my share of Blue Devil lacrosse sticks, but I somehow missed out on him. Thanks girl.

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