Facebook has been a huge helping tool in my quest to hook up with athletes. Particularly the up and coming ones no one really knows. They haven’t yet hidden their profiles (two guys I’ve hooked up with/dated had fake names on Facebook), haven’t made it impossible to find them. I have to say, I’ve been the Facebook creeper who has found guys on there and managed to pull a one night stand out of them. But I started getting a little creeped out when Facebook started suggesting I become a fan of said guys.
“So and so is a fan of (soccer hottie I slept with), would you like to be a fan of (soccer hottie I slept with)?”
“You’re a fan of Derek Jeter, would you like to be a fan of (baseball guy I dated for two years)?”
No, no Facebook. Please, stop. There are lows that I’ve hit in my life that are truly inspiring. I’ve done some shady ass shit in the name of sexual conquests and adventures. But why do I feel as though “liking” a guy I slept with on your website is equivalent to being a fan of your favorite porn movie, or your favorite sexual position? I mean, to be honest, with most of these guys, I’m not a “fan” because of what they’ve done on the field. There are a few that I don’t even know who they play for anymore. I feel mildly like a pedophile being a fan of them because they were great at sex or looked awesome naked, when twelve year old girls are fans of them because they once signed a puck for them, or once taught them how to kick with their left foot at an elite soccer camp.
How does Facebook even know? I mean, of all the athletes in the world, somehow these guys pop up? And I just happened to sleep with them? I mean, it’s not like I was banging Derek Jeter or Christiano Ronoldo (sad about Jeter, Ronoldo I could take or leave). Most of my guys kind of flew under the radar in most instances. Should I be paranoid that the dudes at Facebook read my private messages? That they might already know all the stories in this blog already? I’m sorry, when did Facebook get all psychic ability on my ass? I’m seriously waiting for the “So and so is a fan of Doggie Style, would you like to be a fan of Doggie Style?” option to pop up. In which case I’ll totally start thinking this is Mark Zuckerberg’s nerdy way of hitting on me.