Thursday, November 18, 2010

In This Economy, He's Just Helping to Create Jobs!

Now, it's late and I've had two beers (real women drink beer not wine before bed), so call me a skeptical sally (don't), but I have issues believing Coco Crisp, Oakland A's center fielder (he used to be on the Redsox so I still hate him) posted this ad on Craigslist this week:


Hi,

My name is Covelli Crisp (Coco Crisp), i am a professional baseball player. Looking for a live-in personal assistant (Female) that can help simplify my life.

Appointment scheduling
Bill payment scheduling
Maintaining and updating contact lists
Dinner parties
Away home care
Provisioning and house setup
Travel planning
Dinner reservations
Personal shopping
Tickets to entertainment events
Manage invitations
Culinary ability
Light house work, etc...

Salary of $40,000/YR with room and board. please contact me at Covellicococrisp@aol.com
**Include resume and picture**


I mean, where to begin? If it's real, props to Coco for giving the real women who are effected by the downfall of the economy a chance to get a job. Obama should probably take some lessons in this case. But seriously, dude makes a lot of money for being a mediocre center fielder and having a ridiculously stupid name that one might confuse with a popular cereal from the 1990s. Fuck, even MC Hammer still has a personal assistant that wasn't hired off of like, Monster.com. Craigslist?! You buy weed and couches and rent shady apartments in Carnegie Hill via Craigslist. You don't hire a fucking lady friend to maintain your MAJOR LEAGUE BANK ACCOUNT. Also, 40k to probably be sexually harassed every single day of your life by a dude who refers to himself as COCO CRISP? I'm sorry, I need at least a solid 65k and health insurance. Medical, dental, vision. AETNA is preferred.

Anyone know if Derek Jeter is hiring? Or is he more upscale and using Hotjobs? Mediab Bistro?

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