Friday, November 19, 2010

Weathering the Storm

Now, it's been a little more than 24 hours since the good dudes at BroBible posted my article. As I mentioned, I had a mild panic attack when it got so many hits so fast, and some of the shitty comments I was getting. However, my biggest fear was that people would start guessing the athletes (and some did) and the boys would be outed.

Well, a few people who knew me, particularly some lax alums, dropped me messages on Facebook asking it were me to which I promptly said no, because hey, anonymity is key. However, I know they aren't that dumb so, a shoutout to the laxers who got it right.

I was entirely convinced one laxer ex-boyfriend would hit me up and scream at me for the Nutrisystem story,because he is a privacy freak (and rightfully so. Long story) but I mean, come on, let's be real. Of all the stories I garnered from a lacrosse playing boyfriend who had a little bit of a um..following... in almost a year of seriously dating, that one was one of the tamest I could have mentioned, so, I'm glad he has yet to attempt to sue me for making fun of him for being chubby. He is totally the suing type.

I got a BBM from my soccer hottie today which I refused to read for two hours, totally convinced he was pissed about the two, TWO, "top ten" bullets I wrote about him. But now I'm just confused. I haven't talked to said soccer hottie in almost two weeks, since I sent him a drunk text at three in the morning (after soberly sending him an asortment of some of THE best pics I have ever taken, by the way, Maxim Magazine should pay me to class up their magazine) where in I said something along the lines of "I'm at a gay bar, I miss you, I just want you to know I give you a shoutout in my book but your name isn't mentioned, I swear, you're so fucking cool, I really think you need to lose the girlfriend, I love hanging out with you, I'm so hungry I could die right now, I really want pizza with buffalo chicken, the gays guys here are super weird, i think this dancer stole his boxers out of your bag." Maybe not in that order, I honestly don't remember, and I deleted it immediately after I sent it because I know myself well enough to know if I woke up sober and saw that shit, I might commit suicide. hottie rarely responds to my BBMs when I discuss his relationship with the GF...Understandable, I suppose. I'm still trying to figure out the level of "is he going to marry her". I know he's def. banged around on her, and not just with me. And she isn't anything outstanding. I mean, dude could def. get a Victoria Secret model. This chick, based on what I've heard, may or may not be unemployed and one of those "i was waitress number three in 2004's sleeper hit "to the moon"" type of girls. Not that I judge jobs, I mean...I bartend. But at least I do something. So yeah, the point is, when I get a little overemotional and drunk and tell soccer hottie he should get single ASAP, we tend to go a little bit without speaking. And I'm usually the one to break the silence.

So when I had two BBMs from him this morning, I thought I was going to shit myself. I knew it was coming. That "how could you lay that private shit out there, you're lucky I'm not suing your ass, I'm taking you off BBM please don't contact me." You can understand why I waited two hours to read it, non?

Lo and behold, not the tone at all.

"Hey, what have you been up to lil Mark Twain?"

He knows I write. He knows I've been working on a book. But he HAD to have seen the article, right? Right?!

I don't know how to proceed. Is he gearing up to tell me to fuck off?

"lol. about to lay down because i have a terrible headache. and your fine self?"

"Terrible headache huh? Bet is has nothing to do with drinkin. Me? Just grinding away like always."

The conversation is still on going, but now there's three possibilities :

1.) He didn't see the article and is genuinely asking me what's up and how my writing's going. And will eventually hit me up for a little text sext and some photo ops.
2.) He saw the article, particularly the bit where I referred to him as the one that got away and wrote about how I adored him, and is flattered/intrigued (totally not happening, but I'll give this one to my friend Weiss for positive thinking)
3.) He saw the article, is pissed, and is gearing up to get me to feel like I got away with it and then telling me to fuck off.

This is my life. Totally tragic but kind of funny. I'll keep you guys posted...


Soccer hottie has, in my opinion, yet to read the article. At least it was never mentioned. And I apparently just agreed to come see him in Europe in January. Maybe he got single? God I hope so...

Also, I shouldn't have to clarify this anymore, but for those of you who doubt my ability to judge hotness and personality, my soccer hottie is NOT Landon Donovan. This picture just popped up when I was trying to see if I could find a picture I could use of my soccer hottie that wouldn't out him, and I mean, this picture is hilarious. So I just had to throw it in. I bet he's on he's knees praying for hair follicles. Or height. Keep prayin', LD


  1. Love your posts!! If you were a Guy aka trucker Max you would be a NY bestseller by now. Such a freaking double standard! By the way I think your soccer hottie might just be a certain #3? Love it!!

  2. Ohhhh. I am 99.9% sure I know who Soccer Hottie is.
    All I can say are one lucky woman (and he is one lucky man b/c you are hot). He is super fine.
    Kinda disappointed to learn one of my favourite players is a cheater, but whatever. Get it, girl