Tuesday, December 14, 2010

CLIFF LEE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The Philadelphia Phucktard Phillies have just officially RUINED CHRISTMAS. Guess what kids, SANTA ISN'T REAL. If I have to live through this terrible tragedy during the holidays, NO ONE GETS TO HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS.

In a very, VERY random turn of events, left handed pitcher and the Yankees ONLY HOPE to have a decent season, Cliff Lee, has signed with the Phillies for a currently undisclosed amount. Dude bypassed the Rangers who made a shitload of deals and, as my friend Mike pointed out, dude doesn't have to pay income tax in Texas, as well as the Yankees "we'll give you anything you want" offers, and chose Philly. Awesome. Really fucking awesome.

So basically the Yankees have a fucking NURSING HOME for a team, and a pitcher who is less capable of striking a player out than a T-Ball stand (thank you AJ Burnett), and the Phillies have now Cliff Lee, Cole Hamel, and Roy Halladay, just to name a few. Fuck my life.

I hope the Phillies offered like, a seven year deal on blow jobs from various Victoria Secret models, because to ruin Christmas for me in such a way isn't worth the probably-less-than-what-the-Yanks-offered multimillion dollar contract the Phil's gave him. Plus, you have to live in Philly. No where near as cool as New York, and Red is a terrible color.

Fuck you, Cliff Lee. I hatechu.

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