Sunday, December 19, 2010

Do The Pretty Girl Rock

So Maggie (LOVE THIS NAME, seriously, don't see it enough anymore) e-mailed and asked if I think the guys I hook up with are out of my league, or if I'm out of their league in terms of looks (because clearly I have no other traits to be better than this guys with. I bartend.).

Fab question. The honest answer?

I'm a good looking girl. I'm not a Victoria Secret model (damn my small boobs and vertically challenged body). I'm not super photogenic, but in general, trust me, I can look good. Not trashy, not "if I don't wear makeup I look like a hag", none of that fake bullshit hot. I can pull off a classy, attractive, at times hot girl (shocking, I know). I strive to be better than majority of the chicks who are from Long Island. Seriously.

I have confidence in my looks. A lot of it DOES have to do with the guys I've banged around with, which is dumb but true. These dudes bang ugly chicks as well, so judging on that isn't a fabulous gauge at all. But there have been times where I'm all up on myself and thinking "god, I must look REALLY fucking good if this guy is getting all hot and bothered". Yeah, it happens. It's a confidence boost and I'll admit it.

As for whether I'm hotter? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that shit. But I can name two dudes who have definitely been way out of my league looks wise - soccer hottie, and soccer hottie # 2. Soccer hottie number 2 was the dude I "used" to try to get back at soccer kid who broke my heart. They were roommates, and when he tried to bag my best friend IN FRONT OF ME, I decided "fuck you, I'm going to go sleep with your roommate, and we're putting a sock on the door dbag".

Soccer hottie (number 1) is really, for a lack of a better word, hot. In my opinion. Some of my friends think he's just, eh. But, for all intent and purposes, dude's a fucking 10, and a lot of people seem to think that, including a shit ton of magazines which I callously use to legitimize my own opinion of him. And yeah, it was definitely one of those "how in God's name does this dude think I'm worthy of his dong?" situations the first time we hooked up. But then as I got to know him, and he threw some compliments my way, it evened out a bit. Our personalities mesh well and we get along and I know what he likes about me physically and vice versa. So we appreciate each others uh...unique attractiveness.

Soccer hottie number two was hot as well. Definitely better looking than me. I'll take that one in stride. I brag about him, a lot. Like...a lot. I've sent videos to people and been like "look at this soccer hottie that I've seen naked."

As for the others? Like I said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I definitely had a leg up (literally and figuratively) on hockey dude. My Laxer ex bf, he was a hottie, typical preppy dbag most girls lovedi n high school but was kind of chubby so he was also kind of endearing, but we were all equal there in terms of looks. In a weird way we actually looked like brother and sister. If we ever had kids, our kids would have been super attractive if they got the right features from both of us - but there was also a threat they'd get his weight and my small boobs and his small teeth and my non-preppy nose, and it also could have been a disaster.

Look, a lot of these dudes are hotties, but in a lot of cases, surprisingly - it goes beyond looks too. They have a whole lot going for them, in my eyes, that makes them hot even if looks wise they aren't really Brad Pitt. The swagger and the game and the athletic skills and the body and in certain cases the personality make for a good bang. Would I bang a dude who looks like, say....ahhh let's find a good one...

Brent Burns from the Minnesota Wild? (God this is so mean but I'm sorry dude looks heinous in this picture) Just because he plays hockey? For a good team? Probably not. I mean, I fucked the puppet master actor for a story, true, and that dude is definitely not exactly "hot" by any standard of the word. But when it comes to athletes usually I try to do it for a little more than just the story. I'd like to get something out of it, and if I'm not physically attracted to the dude in the LEAST BIT, I'm gonna dry up like a desert and sex will suck. And not only will the dude suck in the looks department, but then I'll pin him for bad sex too. Terrible all around.

So the question of whether I'm hotter? All depends on who you're asking. Question of whether I've thought every athlete I've banged has been hot - yes, in some way, I have found all of those dudes attractive. There is only one guy who is an athlete that I think back on boning and kind of cringe. Won't say who (sorry). Don't like to hurt feelings. But in general, nah, if I'm chillin with my vib, I could recall any of those dudes in a good vivid memory and get off on their looks. No prob. TMI? Eh, fuck you.

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