Thursday, December 16, 2010

For What It's Worth, It Was Worth All the While...

Anisha e-mailed me tonight and asked me why I have gone through such shit for some of these guys, and what made these specific guys worth it. Why do I go to all this trouble for these fuckers?

This is a big misconception that a lot of people, my family included at times, have about the shit I do and the sex I have. Why do I travel to different countries to fuck a soccer player, why did I spend half of my college career in between states and sitting through freezing New England weather to watch Ivy League lacrosse, why do I drive over to a place at 3 in the morning for bad drunk sex with's never really for the guy. It's always, ALWAYS, been for me. The guy is just lucky that it's what makes me happy.

Different people get off on different shit. Some people are totally fucking obsessed with money and their job. I know people who talk about banking like it is the single most interesting thing in the entire fucking world. Some people are obsessed with working out and spend their entire lives dieting and working out. Me? I've spent a majority of my adult life "chasing" after athletes. Why? Because at the end of the day, the shit that comes out of it - good or bad - has made my life, to me, unique as fuck and so God damn enjoyable.

There is shit I've done in my life, particularly just to bang an athlete or two, that has been so out of the fucking world retarded, that I look back on it and think "God, that was a good fucking time". The stories of some of the shit I've done and seen have made me the person I am today. The raggedy slut with no shame and small boobs and nice hair and a loyal personality and half a heart and even less of a brain, yeah, I'm me because of what I've done and gone through and who I've fucked and dated and loved and chased.

I flew to Europe to fuck an athlete once. It was, in theory, supposed to be a one night stand, but turned into a more on the reg banging session and a good, half way decent friendship. But the original story - the flight, the train ride, the shady fucking motel that was straight out of the movie Taken or Hostel, the random bar, the funny stories, the actual heart to heart chat and the amazing, you don't even know how much fun all of that was for me. It was absolutely crazy as fuck, I blew so much fucking cash that trip, and it was so God damn worth it. I remember sitting on the Eurorail and thinking "what the fuck am I doing right now?" and being totally fucking terrified and totally thrilled at the same time.

As for the other dudes? Eh, I'm a sports junky. That has a lot to do with it. Being part of the game in this way has always been special to me. Fucking around with these guys, dating them, at times randomly loving them, hanging out with their teams, it's given me insight to certain sports that I'd never have just being a fan. It's a whole new way to appreciate the game.

And finally, if you can't tell form the rest of this fucking blog, I like sex. A lot. I like sex with hot dudes, and dudes with hot bodies, and dudes who I, in my own mind, can brag about because they are on ESPN or at the ESPYs (albeit this year that wasn't that cool for certain reasons, but whatever, that's al cleared up now ANYWAY), or they scored a huge goal in a game, or are getting praised as the future of their sport. I mean, come on, give me some credit. I'm not fucking Derek Jeter, by any means, but in most cases I wasn't fucking like, third string QB's from the CFL either. I wish sometimes I could give the names out of the dudes I've fucked and dated because I think it would bring the blog up a notch. But I won't. Not that selfish. Plus, don't want to get sued, I like my limited bank account and decent credit score. Thanks.

So when people say I "chase" the dudes and do all this shit for dudes who don't want me, they are missing a huge part of the picture. This has 95% of the time, been shit I've done to make myself happy. Sure I've done shit for guys, gone out of my way, gone above and beyond. More often than not for dudes I've been dating or dudes I really cared about. But I don't generally do shit because the guys want me to. I do it because I want to, because I want to bang, because I want to hang out, because I want to have my own ego trips and laugh about these stories with my friends. I want my life to be unique and original and that's what I think I've accomplished in a lot of instances. The ability to look back and say "fuck everyone else's opinion, I've lived my life exactly the way I wanted to, never answered to anyone, and never had to defend what made me happy". You don't get it? Totally fine. But I do. And that's enough for me. I don't regret one single thing I've done in my life. I don't regret one fuck, one bang, one bad drunken night, one breakup, one boyfriend, one game, or one story from any of the athletes I talk about here. But I know I would regret having not done the shady fucking shit I've done because I was afraid of what other people thought. I don't regret stalking the shit out of Nick Schommer, because in other instances the whole Facebook thing has worked in my advantage. This time, it seems not so much (there's still time Nick), but other times, it has. So had I not tried, I would have wondered. COnstantly wondered. I tried. Now I don't have to wonder.

Doing the shit I've done has given me a big confidence boost. It has made it possible for me to be proud of myself, my body, my mind, all that bullshit. I am not afraid to try shit, to be completely batshit crazy, to be a little bit stalkerish, to say and do shit no one else would DREAM of doing, because I have learned in the last 6 years that more often than not, if you take the chance, SOMETHING will come from it. NOTHING, nothing to me is impossible anymore. No guy is out of reach, no guy is too good, no guy is too well known. I have confidence in situations other people see as hopeless. Why? Because I have managed to pull off some of the shadiest fucking scenarios with athletes that I've learned nothing is impossible, ever. And you should always take the shot and risk being viewed as a fucking nut job.

I love my life. That's why I go to all this trouble. Because it's for me. Just because other people benefit from it too, doesn't mean I don't as well.

PS- That's me tailgating at a Rascal Flatts concert in Virginia senior year of college. Possibly the most unflattering picture of me ever, however, I find it hilarious and I love it. I was wasted. Part of me wants to say I was laughing because I dropped a key in the portopotty or something.

1 comment:

  1. wow...cant wait for the book...fucking amazing