Monday, December 13, 2010

His Ring Will Always Be Cooler Than Her Ring.

So clearly I love the Yankees, which means I clearly love Nick Swisher. Dude has come up with some clutch hits and I like him in right field. He also looks like my friend who pops into my bar, also named Nick, just like, a few feet taller.

Anyway, Swish got engaged to actress Joanna Garcia back in May, and the two made it legal and completely prenup binding this weekend. Garcia is on a show "Better With You". Never heard of it, but whatever, bitch just landed a World Championship Yankee, so I don't care if she makes guest appearances on the fucking HSN. She did good.

Anyway, here's to hoping these two bitches have a good marriage that isn't fraught with strippers, scandals, transsexual hookers, underage prostitutes, or Bosnian gang bangs like most other athlete marriages we know.

Also, bitch better fucking get down on her hands and knees and thank the Yankees for having the "no hippie hair or bad chin pubes" rule, because when Swish was with the A's, he look like he stepped straight of Deliverance and onto the diamond. Dude was ROUGH, and while I don't particularly find him to be a super hottie now, at least he looks like he does something other than collecting roadkill to sell at a BBQ pit in Louisiana. Seriously, dude was a WRECK. George Steinbrenner was great at putting together championship teams, but if shit ever hit the skids, dude could have been a good salon owner as well. He makes dudes look good. Johnny Damon, another perfect example. So yeah, Joanna, you better thank the lucky fucking stars that this dude put the pinstripes on and was forced to get hygenic. Because he was rocking a "more hillbilly" look of Billy Ray Cyrus, and that shit is hard to do. If you look MORE redneck than BRC, you basically look inbred. Good shit.

1 comment:

  1. Bwahaha! I'm from Louisiana, you have NO IDEA just how bad the hillbilly thing is. That's why I got the fuck out!