Thursday, December 2, 2010

Hottie Roster of the Week

New Week, new roster to dream about banging. Five guys to get you through the next two days of continuous holiday music, screaming children, tourists and bad tippers...or at least me, anyway.

First up, as I'm trying to incorporate a little more NFL into all our lives, Alex Smith, QB for the San Francisco 49ers gets the call up. Dude was a 1st round draft pick by the 49ers in 2005, and has been there ever since, which in any sport is a good length of stay. I can appreciate a dude who has a home base, who isn't like, getting traded and released every seven seconds. Might have something to do with the $49.5 million six-year contract the 49ers threw at him. Not bad considering he played at Utah, a university in a state most can't locate on a map and associate with the show "Sister Wives". I'd gladly bang this dude 49 times. I know, weak line, no idea how else to get that shit in there. Whatever, dude's hot, I'd fuck him. How 'bout that?

Next, we have Jakub Kindl, a defenseman for the Detroit Red Wings. Dude is from the Czech Republic, so he is a typical hockey player that probably speaks zero English and is like straight out of the Village of the Damned with the blue eyes and blonde hair. He was a first round draft pick by the Red Wings in 2005 and finally made it up to the show last year after lingering in the AHL for a while. Right now he's got -3 which kinda sucks, but at least he's hot, and he's gotten progressively hotter since being drafted. Like, it's nice to see a guy go from being total hockey trash to getting his shit together OFF the ice as well. So while dude might not speak much English, I'd still bang him.

Okay, so, I don't even consider NASCAR a sport. Nor do I follow it at all because I live in New York and have actual teams to cheer for. However, I'll throw David Ragan in the mix because he's kind of cute, he looks straight off the farm, and I'm assuming he has some skills when ti comes to driving. And dudes who know how to handle cars generally also know how to handle women. I'd be a redneck for a day and bang him. And then chug beer in a white wifebeater, Miley Cyrus's shorts and a trucker hat. Sure, why not.

Alright, next dude is married but I gotta give credit to dudes who pose naked for shit. Sean Lamont plays rugby in Scotland and is a total fucking hottie. Dude posed for Dieux du Stade in 2007, and in college was nicknamed "Shlong" according to Wikipedia. I mean, that in and of itself makes him a viable candidate for hottie roster of the week. And now that I've just Google searched those pictures, I know why that's his nickname. You wanna see a big soft peen? Google Sean Lamont.

Next, I'll give a shoutout to my buddy Heath. Heath Pearce is a solid hottie who plays for FC Dallas. Prior to such, he played in the Netherlands and Germany. He had some issues with the teams, regrouped and came back really strong in the MLS this year, leading his team to the MLS Cup and sadly losing against equally as hot Conor Casey's team, The Colorado Rapids. Heath is easily one of the most eccentric kids I know, and he rocks a good mustache. He's done me a favor or two in the past two years and he's someone I've traveled to chill with because he genuinely makes me laugh, and comes up with shit no one else would have the balls to ever say. Also, if Heath and I ever had kids (not happening), I always tell him if nothing else our kids would have PHENOM hair. Love ya, kid.


  1. I just have to say thank you for that Sean Lamont idea who he is, but I don't mind! I kinda want to book a flight to Scotland ASAP and be a rugby groupie.

  2. Dude did you Google him? It's just like penis, EVERYWHERE.

  3. UHHHH, YEAH! LOL. I kinda want to make one of those pics my desktop background, but considering I would look like a total perv, I won't.