Sunday, December 12, 2010

Hottie Roster of the Week

Normally I reserve this post for Monday nights, but most of you are probably hung over and aching from egg nog and drunken Christmas company functions where you may or may not have insulted the CEO's wife. So here's some athlete peen to get you through the holiday hangover.

First up, Patrik Berglund. It's safe to say, the Blues have one of the best looking teams, collectively, overall in the NHL. There aren't a whole lot of "hot" teams, mainly because a lot of dudes don't have teeth or have straggly "I may or may not be the homeless dude who stole your wallet in Penn Station" hair. Dude is a Swedish hockey player and for once, dude is NOT on the D! He plays center left wing, and he's pretty hot. He was drafted 25th overall in 2006 and he's had 2 years with the Blues thus far. Like other hockey players, this guy was kind of euro trashy prior to making it with a team. Now, dude figured out how to get a haircut, how to stop using peroxide to dye his hair, and how to stop wearing American Eagle and start donning Gucci suits. I've seen this transition before in my own hockey dude. It's nice when it comes to a head.

Next, another naked rugby player who, like former Hottie Roster of the Week participant Sean Lamont, showed his large junk to the world in a homo-erotic magazine spread. Thomas Combezou. Dude is French, which automatically should make me hate him, but he's pretty fucking hot, and I'd fail intermediate French all over again to be able to remember how to say "want to fuck me with your large, homoerotic penis?" en Francais. I know nothing about how good he is at the sport, or what position he plays because the wikipedia page is all in French and the translations are really retarded. So let's just go with dude goes into pile ons sans padding, and he posed naked and has a big dick and looks like this. I mean, does anything else about him really matter? I'd bang this French fucker in a heartbeat.

And now we have an American finally, Kyle Korver. Dude is a forward for the Chicago Bulls and also Ashton Kutcher's 2nd twin (yes, Kutcher has a twin). He's played for the 76ers, the Jazz and he was originally drafted by the Nets. Now he's chillin' in Chitown. Dude's a little weak defensively, but offensively he makes solid shots and more importantly, creates shots. He's a 2nd team bencher, aka he doesn't start, but he has solid outings once he's in and off the bench. He's got great hair and amazing arms and I'd love nothing more than to see both on top of me, preferably while I was naked and after having had maybe 3 beers. What? I think these situations through pretty fucking thoroughly.

Next, let's give some love not only to lacrosse, but the fact that I went to college with like 7 dudes on the Bayhawks. Out of all of them, I'll pick Joe Cinosky for the roster. Jeff Reynolds, you were kind of a dick in college, but you might get a shout out next week becaus eyour jawline is know. Anyway, Joe once prevented me from falling down the basement stairs at the lax formal sophomore year. He's a good due and was always willing to help a drunk bitch out of RJ Bentley's, myself included on many many occasions. He was a big, quiet kind of guy and he was a fucking terror on the field. He, I think, came close to killing a few people. He is a long pole D, and well...let's let the Maryland roster page explain it: " One of the top defenders in the country who is a three-year starter ... plays well off of the ball ... impressive stick work ... good size and range ... deceptively quick for his size." He was captain our senior year, and since graduating he's played for Toronto, New Jersey and now Chesapeake. Joe's a solid dude, tall and hot. I never made out with him in college, but there's still alumni events.

Jason Pitton gets the final call. I've randomly interacted with Jason Pitton on numerous occasions. Dude was drafted way back in 2004 by the Islanders, and is now currently with the Worcester Sharks, the AHL affiliate of the San Jose Sharks. Dudes Canadian, which automatically makes me like him. I find him kind of adorable, and I have a really shady picture on my cell phone of him from like 2 years ago when we all hung out when I first started seeing my hockey dude. My friends all thing he's hot too, we all randomly stalk his Facebook page because we are all randomly friends with him. As for hockey, eh, dude is lingering in the AHL, but has had decent stats throughout the seasons. Maybe not so much in the last two years. He's a winger, he should be scoring, but he's not. He can score with me, if he likes. Eh, he's Canadian. Put a pair of fucking skates on him and he'll do shit with a stick and puck I could never dream of doing. I'd bang him.

And honorary HRotW shout out to Nick Schommer, who was on last week's roster, and who I have been avidly harassing via his brother on Facebook. Basically my whole thought process is if I give the dude enough attention on this blog, eventually he's going to want to grab a beer with me if I'm willing to meet up with him in TN (which, I am totally am, in case you're reading Nick). I'm pretty sure there is a restraining order in the works. That, or dude is secretly intrigued and waiting to make a move. Nick Schommer, stop being lame, drop me a text already.


  1. Lol, I am probably one of 3 people who owns a Kyle Korver jersey. Good 3 point shooter that fella.

  2. More stoires on soccer please! Theyre the best!!!!

    Good Luck with the book deal!

  3. just saw a video of a photo shoot with Sean Lamont! OMG, I can't stop watching it... beautiful body and nice long... well you know what I'm talking about lol