Friday, December 17, 2010

A Jersey Chasing Love Triangle

Ok, now that I've managed to rejoin the world of the living - I have to apologize to the numerous people at Penn Station at 10:30 this morning who witnessed me staggering down the escalator attempting not to puke, and eventually failing - and slept/eaten off my hangover, let's get back to some jersey chasing, shall we? Awesome.

So Apparently Tony Romo, QB for the Dallas Cowboys and probably one of several reason why Jessica Simpson randomly gained like, 45lbs, is now engaged to former Miss Missouri Candace Crawford. No, that's not the chick from Full House (Candace Cameron, who also happens to be a hockey jersey chaser, good times, everywhere you look). But it is in fact Chase Crawford's younger sister. He's the hot dude on Gossip Girl. Not Chuck Bass. You guys actually think that dude's hot? Gross.

But here's the kind of kicker. So both Tony Romo AND Chase Crawford dated/fucked around with top Jersey Chaser in my book, Carrie Underwood. While Chase Crawford is insanely hot in my opinion, he's not an athlete, and therefore, Carrie wins out because she married a hot dude who IS an athlete, and a good one. And, Crawford apparently banged a 20 year old University of Maryland student last fall. I want to say the girl was in AOPi. Or no...AXO (Alpha Chi Omega) I think, which at Maryland is like, the second tier of sororities (though when I rushed, I loved them. Go figure) behind Tridelt, KD and Theta. And all friends were writing on her Facebook wall "OH MY GOD EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD WANTS TO BE YOU RIGHT NOW". Nope. The KD's and TriDelt's def don't. You could win 5 million dollars and the Miss USA contest and they'd still think they were better than an AXO girl. It's just the way sororities roll. True story.

Anyway, beyond the Carrie Underwood connection of banging, Romo also dated Jessica Simpson for a while, but then couldn't put up with her dad who stares at her tits more than non-family member guys do, and he dumped her ass. And she tried to make that shit work, I mean, girl definitely put some effort into getting him back and securing that rock. But the truth was, as much as I think Tony Romo is a dbag, Jessica Simpson is like the embarrassing chick everyone wants to fuck but no one wants to really converse with after. Like, I could see someone banging Jessica Simpson and her trying to be all "I love you so much", or worse, trying to talk dirty, and the dude just putting his hand over her face and being like "shh shh shh". And now SHE'S engaged to a dude who played football at Yale, then was drafted by the 49ers, then played for the Saints, got released, and now spends her money and is her loyal man servant. I don't know if that really counts as jersey chasing, banging and marrying a dude after he was released and like...not....playing....

She definitely porked on a LOT of weight after Romo, too. If you look back on pictures of her at Cowboys games, she still looked thin, especially in her face. Now, it looks like she's been double dipping in some deep friend down home Texas BBQ.

Anyway, my whole take on this situation since everyone is basically locked down with an engagement ring and or wedding ring - Underwood, Jessica Simpson, her back up 3rd string would be QB fiance, Jessica Simpson's ex husband Nick Lachey, and now Romo, and Chase Crawford's little sister, it seems like SOMEONE in this situation is Dane Cook from Good Luck Chuck. I'm thinking Chase Crawford. You bang him/hang out with him/are related to him, everyone around him gets married and engaged. RUN AWAY MEN OF THE WORLD, RUN AWAY.

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