Thursday, December 23, 2010

Larry's Officially Back on the Market Ladies!

Both Courtney and my sister informed me of the news that Landon Donovan, aka LARRY, has now officially filed for divorce (ya, weird that he was the one to do it first, non?) from his actress lady friend wife, Bianca Kliejkfhsj....hjefhwjk....

Anyway, the two separated in October of 2009, then Landon tried to bone anything with a vagina and a heart beat (my friend and I included), then Landon tried to woo her back, then Landon got some bad "you might want to consider getting yourself a lawyer and a seriously good marriage counselor" news when some British chick claimed Landon was the the possible contributor to her unborn baby's receding hairline. Then he got some Maury Povich style "You are NOT the father!" relief when it was all not true. Then he took Bianca to the ESPY's where she continued to be taller than him, and then he kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while.

And now, Landon's officially done and dusted. Back in August when I was chilling with some of my buds who played with him, they said they didn't think it was ever going to work out with them. My buddies at SI said there was some serious cheating on his part when he was in Germany, before they were married I suppose, and I wouldn't doubt it, though my soccer buds said they weren't so sure about that because he was really into Bianca at that point. Dude has little man syndrome and totally gets an ego boost from banging randoms. This is a kid who was probably like 5'8" 112 pounds all through high school and now he's on the cover of FIFA and makes a shit ton of cash and is a stellar athlete (it pains me to admit it, but can't deny the obvious). That's where I think his god awful game (in the woman sense) comes from and where his "what do you mean you don't want to have sex with me I'M LANDON DONOVAN" attitude comes from.

Anyway, ladies, get out your number 10 jersey's, your extra box of Rogain, and your Hair Club for Men memberships, the chase is on for the next Mrs. Landon Donovan! Participants over 5'5"need not apply.


  1. On Christmas vacay here so I'm spending LOTS of time cruising my fave websites (this one included) and reported that Dude has the audacity to (1) request spousal support; and (2) ask Bianca to pay his legal fees. UMM, WHAT? For reals? Dude cheats on her (while separated, but still), is the one to file and wants her to pay for it? Am I the only one that thinks he is most definitely not a gentleman?

    BTW: Thanks for reading the emails.

  2. That's a legal tactic so that SHE won't ask for support, legal fees. He makes waaaay more money than she does, it's not even close. I don't think he really wants her money, he just doesn't want to give her any of HIS. A prenup would've come in handy...

  3. I meant to put this in my comment earlier, but has anyone ever said why they split up in the first place? Because I thought they had dated for YEARS, but then only two into the marriage and they separated.