Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ochocinco - ironically, probably the amount of times he'll get divorced as well...

Chad "Ochocinco" (AKA Flavor Flav's LONG LOST SON), wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, has popped the question to model girlfriend of...a few months...Evelyn Lozada. He met her over the summer while he was filming his show "The Ultimate Catch". Wasn't that the stupid VH1 version of "who's next to get herpes"? Great time to meet a lady friend.

"Yeah, man ... It's time for me to sit down," he said when Ryan Seacrest asked him what was up with the rumors . "Enough is enough. I'm 32, you know, my days are over."

Dude, Ochocinco needs to have a chat with HALF THE ATHLETES I KNOW. Then again, just because his "single" days are over, doesn't mean his "fuck around on his wife" days are over. Maybe that's what he meant. Because God knows the athlete dudes I know in their early 30s haven't quite raised a white flag of one vagina for the rest of my life defeat - even the married ones.

Lozada is on VH1's Basketball Wives. Don't watch the show and am too lazy to IMDB that shit, so I'll just assume she is NOT a basketball wife. Then again, with this shit, would it even be surprising? Is she related to Erin Barry?

Anyway, dude proposed with a ten karat ring. Shocking he didn't hand her a football and say "you've made it past the line of scrimmage. You can get a touchdown" or something super ridiculous like the VH1 shows create. Also, when you're kids ask how you met (pending they make it past the 9 month mark, then again you don't have to be married to have fucky times and wind up with a WHAT THE FUCK IS COMING OUT OF MY VAGINA (aka a baby) ), you're going to say while spreading STD's on two terrible VH1 shows. Meanwhile, my sister is worried how I'd ever explain this blog/my book to any future kids I have. Let's be real. If I ever decide to stop snorting Yaz like a crackhead, my kids will be relatively normal. These kids get to go to school with the last name OCHOCINCO. Yeah, I'm really worried.

Congrats to the two famewhores. I'm sure they're headed down a road of many. many court case filings.

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