Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Pay Loads of Money to See the World Cup - But NO BANGING?!

Alright, so already I'm not a fan of the whole World Cup in Qatar thing. Like, there are just so many places I'd rather go in the world, that this whole thing seems like an instant excitement killer to me. And like I said, I know a load of players, at least on the US side, that aren't thrilled about it either even if they won't be playing by then.

And now there's this whole big thing about FIFA President Sepp Blatter (great name) saying that gay couples should refrain from sexual activity if and when they come to see the games in Qatar.

This in and of itself makes it very clear that the choice for the 2022 World Cup is bogus. You're having it in a country that blatantly discriminates against a group of people. Sorry if you're not into the gay scene, but I am. My best friend of like, 15 years is gay and he's the closest thing I have to a brother. I don't really do politics, but I'm a total lib on that front. So to me, the idea of spending an inordinate amount of money to fly to the middle east and pay even more money for these tickets and then GET ARRESTED IF YOU BANG YOUR LEGAL HUSBAND OR WIFE is ridiculous.

I also believe that, like in The UAE, there are probably laws against premarital sex. Which means that couples who aren't married might have some serious issues too. In Dubai, a woman was on vacay with her fiance and she claimed she had been raped (by a dude who was NOT her fiance). When she went to the police in Dubai, they arrested both her and her husband-to-be for premarital sex/staying in the same hotel and questioned them about how often they had sex and what kind of sex acts they performed. Totally what I want to be chatting about after I claim some dude raped me. Totally.

So basically if I were this age in 12 years, I'd be fucked. Because I'd probably go to Qatar to bang one of the soccer dudes I was banging on the regular, and then get arrested. And then have some kind of maggot crawl in my ear while I was in a Qatar prison (think Brokedown Palace) and Jimmy Carter probably won't be alive to come save me, and Bill Clinton will probably not be capable. So my potential future self sees a lot of issues here. I'm sorry, soccer and sex just go together for me. And for a lot of other ladies, I'm sure. And it's not about marriage, trust me.

And while I am unaware of any out soccer players (if any readers can correct me on this, I'd be very appreciative), by then, what if there are gay dudes who are on the teams and want their families there with them? Want to kiss their husbands after a win? I mean, you're going to arrest a starting forward on a competing team for kissing his legally binding husband? The fuck?

I mean, seriously? What the fuck is this shit? How was this not a consideration for Qatar? I would put money on the fact that loads of non-married couples went to the World Cup last year. Stayed in the same hotel rooms, and banged and had a good time. If this is the case, it will seriously limit a lot of travel over there, because who the fuck wants to get arrested in a Muslim country? Seriously? Shit makes Brokedown Palace look like a spa stay. So I mean, are people, both gay and straight, going to risk that shit in order to go see a soccer game where the entire game relies on a an air conditioning system? I wouldn't.

Sorry FIFA, you fucked up. And clearly you don't have a gay best, because if you did you'd realize how fucking important the gays are to the economy and you'd probably try a little harder to a.) NOT insult them and b.) NOT pick a place that discriminates against them to hold the biggest event in world soccer. This whole thing is, in my very humble opinion, a fucking disaster on all levels of FUCK.


  1. Hrm, I'd be very curious to see a Qatar prison. I feel like it might actually be "posh," or as much as a prison could be. Fresh hummus and tabboleh salad, maybe some lamb shawarma...

  2. Explain to me how all these sex crazed athletes are going to bang their mistresses, prostitutes, groupies etc without getting their asses thrown in prison?