Sunday, December 5, 2010

Scored a small percent of a $126 million contract. A good Sunday indeed.

So I got stuck on my bar tables tonight, and honestly, tonight makes me believe I was meant to be a fucking jersey chaser.

If you guys follow baseball at all, you obviously know there's been a whole shitload of meetings, negotiations, and contracts being pushed around out there. Welp, if you followed anything today, you'd know Jayson Werth, former right fielder for the Phillies, just signed a 7-year, $126 million contract with The Washington Nationals today. And then, he came into my bar for dinner and a solid bottle of wine.

I knew who he was when he walked in, was shocked that he was just chillin' by himself in the back. Decided not to say anything to him, because it's annoying as fuck when people interupt you during dinner to be all fannish and asshole. But then some shady fat girl in a Phillies sweatshirt came up and asked him for a picture, to which he responded "I don't do pictures. Handshakes, yes, hugs, yes." She then got all annoying and wouldn't leave him alone. Finally she left, but then came back and tried to chat it up again. Literally chick looked like she hadn't washed her hair in four years and ate a solid diet of like, Krispey Kremes. Also, he claimed she looked 30 but when I ragged on him for trying to kill the bottle of wine by use of an underage girl, he kind of thought maybe she was a bit younger. He gave her a glass of his wine and sent her back to her table. Gotta love the tactics.

I hate fan girls. LIke seriously, I may be a lot of stupid things in life, but I would never be the girl who went up and was like "oh my God, I'm your biggest fan, can you sign my forehead?" And then not get a hint when the dude stopped talking. People say fucking a bunch of athletes is degrading? Admitting that you'll never have anything to be as excited about as seeing a dude who no longer plays for your team and harassing him while he's eating dinner, to me, is faaaar more degrading. Sorry, there's something pathetic about begging dudes to sign shit. I don't beg dudes to sign shit. I get their number and then fuck 'em and tell funny stories about it. I like my life better.

I didn't know if he was married or not. He had on a ring, but it wasn't like a wedding band, it was like this monstrosity of a piece of metal that covered the bottom half of his finger. So obviously I laid it on a little and we talked about dudes we both knew and were bullshitting about the shady fan girl who had just basically accosted him. He seemed pretty chill, and for a guy who just fucking nailed a way bigger paycheck than Derek Jeter, surprisingly down to earth.

When he left, he tipped well, and I had Googled and found out he was married, so no slipping him the old "so, what are you up to tonight?" situation I've been known to do. He's in town 'til Wednesday so I hope he comes back in, a.) because he was an easy dude to take care of, and b.) fucker tipped well. He's not exceptionally hot in the face, but he's got the height and that in and of itself makes him bangable in my eyes. Shame that he's married.

Kudos on being a semi-decent athlete and while I'm not a Natty's fan, I really don't like the Phils and would rather him be in DC. Whatever, I also kind of wish he wasn't married, but shit happens.

Seriously, my bar is a magnet for these fuckers. Of all the fucking places he decided to show up after signing a niiiiice lil contract, it's at my bar and my table. Holler at fate (with jersey chasing, NOT him ha).

Good luck, Werth. Thanks for the entertaining conversation and solid tip. And I'm sorry your phone died. Indeed, it was "totally tragic".

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