Thursday, December 2, 2010

Who died and made you king of anything?

So I got an e-mail from Jen last night asking me if I've read the blogs/comments that have been posted about me since the blog came out and since I put my name with it, and if someone "forced" me to come out on the blog.

I obviously read the comments on the Brobible article and had a fucking panic attack. I started to think I made a huge mistake even starting the blog or writing up the article. Then I had like 7 glasses of wine and like, two Xanax and felt better when I got a call from CNN to do an interview. The people on the Brobible site, eh, it is what it is. I didn't expect everyone to love me or what I had to say. I was expecting the sluts and the whores and the "she gets used" and all that shit. I guess reading it all at once was a bit jarring but I got over it real quick when the positive shit started rolling in.

As for any blogs that have been chatting, and I'm aware of three, yeah, clearly I've read them. Never tried to deny it, just never thought it important enough to bring up since there were a few. It's a double edged sword. I obviously like knowing the blog's out there and people are reading it. Could I do without the haters? Sure. But they also make it more fun. But yeah, I absolutely have Googled my name like a million times because I'm a fucking lunatic, and found shit that's come up with it. I don't try to hide it. I have not, contrary to widely speculated belief (LADIES!!) participated in those blogs simply because I know if I start I'll never stop. I don't want to get into a war trying to anonymously defend myself. That's what this shit is for. Plus, it's not like I could hide - two of the three blogs I've been rumored on record IP addresses and make them accessible to people. I tend to e-mail people back from my laptop, and if I was ever like "NO STEFANIE WILLIAMS IS A GREAT PERSON YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HER", it could be connected. I'm not computer savvy enough to figure that shit out (Clearly, as I couldn't even fucking reset my wifi this morning without help). So while there have been numerous times I'd love to be like "hey bitch, say it to my face," I take it with a grain of salt and remind myself everyone's entitled to an opinion. I put myself out there, I made this decision, I'm cool with the haters. It makes the positive e-mails and comments mean more.

As for whether I was forced to come, yeah, I read that too. The truth? I had no intentions of coming out before a book deal was signed (which will hopefully be December 14th). The risk, for me at the time, seemed too fucking big. And then yeah, someone got my Facebook and a load of shit was posted on two blogs, one about soccer guys and the other about baseball, and I got severely stressed, especially because certain comments and pictures were totally taken out of context, particularly about a baseball buddy of mine. My friend J actually informed me of it being out there before I knew, as she is buds with my baseball buddy also. Do I think I know who it was? Yep. And that's why I closed down my Facebook a little bit (and yah, girls, you got it right about my Facebook. Didn't want you scamming on my shit just then). Would I ever dare put my name on blogs, specifically linked to certain guys? No, particularly because I didn't want my name to be attached to this until the book was signed. So yeah, in a way I was forced out, but it turned out for the best, so to whoever stalked and found my twitter that hadn't been used in like a year, thanks for pushing me forward, seriously.

Are there any truths to the rumors that are being dissected on the baseball hockey and soccer boards? Surprisingly, very little, which actually makes it less of a stress on me. Do I worry the wrong guys will get pinned? A little bit, and some have. But my friends are cool, they know the deal, and the blogs about their personal lives exist whether this blog does or doesn't. Speculation is part of the game, but yeah, seriously, don't believe everything you read.

So yeah, I know a lot of the ladies on certain boards will be up in arms and rip me to shreds, but it's cool, and yes I know it goes on, and yes, I do read those boards now and again (though honestly I didn't for a while after the first week of the blog because I did get upset reading negative shit). I signed up for it, and while it was a little sooner than I expected, I'm out and very happy (annnnnd I feel like a gay dude ha). Getting my name out was a big relief and a weight off my very small chest. Am I pissed some people took some shit they read on Facebook or other places and put it out there without any reference? Absolutely. But shit happens and life goes on and here I am today.

As for the people who rip on me, dude, I was the world's biggest fucking loser up until like, 9th grade (and arguably STILL AM). Look at that picture to the left. I survived THAT childhood, you think I have issues dealing with this now? Please. I survived childhood tormentors with THOSE FUCKING GLASSES. I should be all but invincible at this point in my life. I went to Catholic school with a grade size of maybe 29 which meant when one person hated you, they all did. I had glasses, I hated brushing my hair, I had dry skin, I hated American Girl dolls and loved playing handball, and I used to roll my knee high socks down so they were like fucking donuts on my ankles. I was skinny as shit, and I got tormented for having the chest of a 9 year old boy. I made it through grammar and middle school unscathed (for the most part) and if I got through that psycho "she should be in therapy" shit, trust me, people hiding behind anonymous blog posts don't bother me anymore. At first, sure, it was weird getting slack from strangers, but now I'm used to it and like I said, it's all part of the flow. That's why I put my pictures up, that's why I am cool with being my honest self. Sometimes the insults are actually pretty fucking funny. You ladies are pretty fucking witty sometimes.

Am I the most photogenic chick in the world? OBVIOUSLY NOT. Am I the prettiest? Hardly. I'm not claiming to be. I know my flaws far better than these bitches do. I have a huge forehead, a flat chest, and I'm short as fuck. But you know what? I'm still pretty fucking cool and I have some funny (in my opinion) stories and if you don't like 'em, fuck you. But keep reading because I like getting the hits. ;)

Anyway, that's the deal. Any other questions, please direct my way. I'm all ears.

2 comments:

  1. Sorry but this needs to be said. I think one thing you should stop doing is ragging on yourself so much and then telling people to fuck off. It comes off defensive and whiny. You say you don't give a fuck what people think about you but obviously you kind of do or you wouldn't keep writing about them. I mean, who wouldn't? Who cares about what the haters have to say? Keep pumping out your great stories. You have something really going for you here and its a great site. You never see Perez Hilton respond to the negative people commenting on his site. He keeps it moving.
    Just a small critique. Sorry this is so long. :)

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  2. Nah, Anon, I agree. It's a weeding out process. I think I get annoyed that people assume I'm totally retarded and blind and don't know what's being said, so I just like acknowledging that yah, I know that shit's being said.

    As for ragging on myself, it's just a matter of me acknowleding that I knwo I'm not perfect. A lot of people seem to think I'm holding up this "high and might, I am so perfect" attitude, when I'm not. I know my flaws better than anyone, and I know my strengths pretty well too. So I rag on myself because I can, and I guess because I wanted to show a little humility. That I know I'm not like "holier than thou" and I was never trying to be. Maybe it's not working so well, but yeah, it's a weeding out process. I guess I suppose if I do it now, If and when this thing gets any bigger, I won't have to do it then :) But thanks for the advice ;)

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