Thursday, December 9, 2010

Yeah, well I spent $600 for a new coat yesterday.

So it's early, I'm cranky as fuck, and I'm starving and anxiously waiting for my egg sammich, so let's talk baseball because right now I'm not in the mood to talk about vaginas and peen. After my Charlie post last night, I had peen nightmares so I need a few minutes to regroup on that subject.

So obviously Cliff Lee is all "who's going to pay me the most to throw the ball"ing on a couple of teams at the moment. God, I love winter meetings in baseball. Quotes like Brian Cashman's "I never have to worry about going to Hal about more money" make me wonder why I wasn't born with a penis and a cannon for an arm, because my life would be way fucking easier right now. Anyway, basically Cliff Lee is a southpaw everyone wants to get their hands on, and since the Redsox just signed Carl Crawford, aka the Yankees "if Lee balks we'll back up with this dude"'s card, the Yanks are in dire straights. Our pitching was fucking weak as shit last year. I mean, Hughes carried the first half of the season, Sabathia obviously did well, Petite was awesome but injured, and then AJ Burnett was basically like (I'm going to be a huge nerd with this reference, brace yourselves) Albus Dubledore's younger crazy fucking sister, Ariana, who some days could be sweet and calm and the other days killed her mother when she got pissed and magic raged out of her. Like, AJ Burnett was either really good or worse than a 7 year old's t-ball player. The fucking t-ball stand has better pitches sometimes. So Lee would be an awesome addition, not to mention he's a lefty so it'd definitely help out bullpen.

Anyway, the Yanks offered him a 6-year contract just south of $150 mil originally. But then all the other teams like the Natties and the Redsox were going for 7 year deals with Crawford and Werth (shout out to my bar buddy!), the Yankees upped their shit to 7 years as well. Dude would be the highest paid pitcher for a 6/7 year contract, beating Sabathia's $161 mil multi year contract by about a million a year. Long story short, the Yankees have so much money that they don't give a shit that Lee would be 39 in his 7th year and that they'd be paying him roughly 25 million for that year in 2017. Fuck the future, let's win a championship in 2011. I like your style boys.

Anyway, Lee has apparently only been in major talks with the Rangers (I hate Texas) and the Yanks, and with this offer, I can't imagine Lee taking a different and more than likely lower offer from another team. I don't give a shit if a Yankee fan jerked off on and came on Lee's wife's face (sorry Kristen), for that money, fuck I'D let someone do that. WHAT? Like you wouldn't?! Better yet - like you haven't let someone do that to you for free. You sluts.

Anyway, the Yanks are in a jumbled mix of desperation mode and "fuck everyone else we have more money than you and we're going to spend it" mode. I hope after all is said and done, Lee ends up in Pinstripes because I'd really love to win another World Series. And don't even talk to me about money - it's not like the Redsox are budgeting, dudes not only fucking BOUGHT AN EPL TEAM THIS YEAR, but also just paid roughly $145 mil for a 7 year contract with Crawford. Don't start with spending.

1 comment:

  1. Nolan Ryan directly asked Lee's agent what it would take to sign the player so unless that guy is throwing out some ridiculous numbers negotiations should be over soon. I wouldn't put it past Lee to take SLIGHTLY less to stay with the Rangers though.