Monday, January 31, 2011

Hottie Roster of the Week

So I've watched the movie Miracle like, four times in the last 6 days because I've had off and had some serious writer's block, so I decided to dedicate this week's HRotW to college hockey. This might get me put on a sex offenders list, seeing as some of these guys are like, 19, but the beauty of college hockey is guys can be sophomores and still be like, 23 because they play juniors first, then go to college. So it's not as entirely creepy as it sounds. Please don't arrest me.

Anyway, Maryland didn't have a hockey team (Nik Caner Medley was enough of a fighter for all our sporting teams when Iw as there), so I don't have to worry about being bias.

Enjoy, fellow pedos!

First up, Scott Kishel. Only three years my junior (legal), Kishel is a defenseman for the University of Minnesota - Duluth (the first time I saw miracle, someone had a UMD shirt on in a scene and I thought it was Maryland and I was like Maryland doesn't even have a hockey team...good times Stef). Dude has pretty solid stats and was drafted by the Montreal Canadiens in 2007. I'm not sure how that works with him playing in college, but sure. Dude is way hot and I'd totally go Mrs. Robinson on his ass. Also, this is the only fucking picture I could find of him, sorry it's this big.

Mike Montgomery takes the next space. Dude is also a D man at UMD (not Maryland) and has a serious case of the Paul Walker character from Pleasantville. He looks like the all American banger, like he definitely says sir and ma'am, but then bangs like an all star in the back of a truck. Can't you see it? I totally can. He's the captain of the team, he won a shit ton of awards in Minnesota, AND he's my age! Born in 86 baby. Wooo, no Dateline specials for me on this one.

Uh, this one will def. get me on Chris Hansen's watch list. Dude just turned 19 in September, but 19 is legal, and 5.5 years is nothing once he hits his 20's. ANYkiddietoucher, Brian Dumoulin is a defenseman (god, NO hot forwards) for Boston College. He's got good stats as a D man, with 1 goal and 21 assists in 42 games last year. He was also selected by the Carolina Hurricanes in the 2009 entry draft. He's American, from New Hampshire. Ladies at BC, fucking make a move on this one. And if you don't, give me his dorm and I will totally come statutory this fucker in Chestnut Hill. I'm a creep.

Carl Hagelin is next up. Carl here is only 2 years younger than me, welcome back to the 1980's, Jesus. Anyway, Carl plays for the University of Michigan and was drafted by the New York Rangers (holler he'll be close, and he's old enough to drink!) in 2007. Carl is from Sweden, which is why he looks straight out of the Village of the Damned, but I find that attractive (see every other hockey player I've put in HRotW, starting with Andrew MacDonald and Karl Alzner). He probably speaks broken Engrish and I picture him saying "yah" a lot, but whatever, I'd totally brave the slums of Detroit (I know UM is in Ann Arbor, work with my bad joke here fuckers) to puck this kid. also, he looks hot at the press conference. I love dudes who look hot post game.

And finally, a guy I would totally put on this list just because of his fucking name, Podge Turnbull. Now, my friends who know me and my types will look at this picture and know immediately why I find this guy attractive (and I hate the reason but unfortunately it's true). People who don't know me or past relations, well, just go with it. Podge (imagine having sex with this guy and saying his name? Oh Podge, yeah, yeah, your cock feels so good Podge...this poor dude?) is a senior at Wisconsin and he's also of the 80's - 88 to be exact. He was drafted by the LA Kings in 2007 and check it out, he's a forward! Way to break the streak, Podge!

Update: Totally added Podge on Facebook. Woooo creeper.

The Big O

Once again, snow has ruined my reschedule second date. Now it's rescheduled for Thursday. I seriously can't buy a break, it's gotten to a point where it's almost comical..

Anyway, I had a funny conversation with my college buds the other night about faces you make during sex. Not you, specifically, asshole, the random you. Anyway, we were bullshitting and I thought of some funny stories that came up with that.

I've def. slept with a few athletes who have made some shady ass/faces and sounds. One hockey player used to try to talk dirty and he stopped speaking English completely, to a point I felt like I was in the movie Braveheart. Sometimes his tongue would hang out of his, not hang out of his mouth like, you know when some people think really hard or are concentrating on something and their tongue comes out to the side of their mouth? He used to do that. While speaking Scottish.

Soccer Hottie's O faces were hot, regardless. Dude never looked bad or awkward, particularly when he was naked, so I mean, what do you expect?

I've definitely had sex with some laxers who look like they are in severe pain when the finish. A lot of clutching, I've wound up with some bruises on my thigh or ass or shoulder. But while I've had some dirty talkers in my life, I've never had a Sex and the City moment like Charlotte where some dude has called me a dirty little bitch whore or whatever. Thankfully, I've missed out on the insulting sex.

But how about my faces? Much like other girls (and don't even lie you do it and you know it bitches) I get paranoid about how I look during the fuck. I mean, I've faked enough O's in my life (sorry dudes, good luck guessing on that one) to have practiced that look in the mirror a few times to get it right when it's not real, but I worry about the real thing. But actually, one of the funnier stories comes from a few months ago, and it's not really an athlete...but this guy I've hit up for sex in embarrassingly honest ways. Like, I'd call him at 2 in the morning and literally be like "hey i'm coming over be naked in 5". Then I don't talk to him for four months. Anyway, I went out on a Thursday with some buds a month or two ago, and then I hit this guy up because I was wasted. I go to his place, it's mildly awkward catching up since it's been like 6 months since we last saw each other. Good times.

We fuck, and I'm drunk, but he's dead sober as he has a normal job and life. Anyway, looking back, I'm a little paranoid. I was drunk and totally not on my game with the faces or maneuvers, and I'm actually thinking my sounds were probably terrifying as well. Drunk fucking when only one of you is drunk is totlaly difficult and not as fun as when you're both drunk, because when you're both drunk, you overlook the stupidity of kicking over the lamp or having issues getting into a position or constantly needing water. But when one of you is drunk, they see all the retarded shit you are attempting to do that you're too drunk to do.

My big downfall that night (though I'm sure he could probably give quite a few others) was dehydration. Because when you drink and you fuck, you get cotton mouth SO quickly. I was DYING. And I was trying to breath heavy and like, be hot and everything but my mouth was just like a fucking desert. And I think I asked him to go from behind just so I could like, not face him while I was trying to get fluid running to my mouth (no dirty jokes here), and he said something like "I wanna make you like missionary", which at the time sounded really hot so I was like AWESOME...but then he'd try to kiss me and I was mortified because I was like, lapping for moisture int he air like a dog.

Dude left for work at like, 6 the next morning, I told him I'd let myself out. I think I left at 10. I was so hungover. I'm pretty thankful the lights were off, because that might have negated some of my like, "I'm dying of thirst while we fuck" faces.

The O face is hard. I think my normal one is pretty good. I don't think I scrunch the face that much, and I think I sound okay (soccer hottie has been a vocal supporter when it comes to anything he's heard in person or via phone). But what even constitutes a good O face? Like, do guys pay attention to that shit? I do. I get nervous if a guy makes a face that looks pained or a face that screams "I'd rather be playing Call of Duty Black Ops right now".

Best O face for a guy in my opinion? Teeth together, intensity, eyes open. I hate eyes closed O's, it means you're thinking of someone else you fucking asshole. God, even when I fuck guys who I don't find particularly attractive, I try to focus on parts of them that I do find attractive. In college, I banged a dude on the regular who really just was not hot in the face, at all, but his body was insanely amazing. I used to stare at his shoulders and arms because they were amazing.

Thoughts on O faces? (I'm so happy my mother doesn't read the blog ha).

Sunday, January 30, 2011

One Video That Makes Larry Seem Adorable

This may be the only time I ever refer to Landon Donovan as adorable...but my friend posted this on my Facebook yesterday and I've watched it like, 47 times just to relive his initial facial expression when the guy asks him if the US team plans to do anything as a tribute to Michael Jackson. Like, you can see it in his face, that he wants to start laughing and be like "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" to the Frenchie asking the world's most retarded question, but instead he has to like compose himself so he doesn't offend MJ fans. I LOVE IT.

"Name the Ten Other Guys".

Seriously? For Mel, the 10 other guys I'd rather date over soccer hottie (mainly based on talent and looks alone). Here's the thing - SH is totally fucking hot, will never ever deny it. But typically, I go for the lame, "all American guy" look, which SH does not possess (good thing and a bad thing at the same time). I have a thing for guy swho look like, straight off the farm and out of the show Friday Night Lights. I think that's why I don't think guys like Ronaldo are hot. I like down home Amaerican/Canadian guys who look kind of...relaxed or...approachable? I dunno. Like, guys who look like they were probably popular and the QB in high school and have an adorabl smile that your mom would TOTALLY want you to date. Brandon Morrow and John Hester stick out in my mind here, and Robbie Rogers also has that preppy all American "I look like a Kennedy" thing...You'll see what I'm talking about...

Nick Schommer (duh). Not even a question, I would totally date this guy just to stare at him every day.

Phil Hughes...He just looks so fucking hot on the mound. So many innuendoes...

Brandon Morrow...if I ever become famous, ose five pounds and have money to spend on stylish clothes, he is the first person I am hitting up/stalking.

The laxer dude I've been battling the weather to go out to dinner with

Ryan Gosling (not an athlete but he still counts as someone I'd date over soccer hottie)

Andrew MacDonald (controversial choice but possibly true. There's a backstory here, I swear this isn't as random as it seems.)

Robbie Rogers (um, this might be a possible lie, if it came down to him and SH, but I'd definitely consider RR)

Ryan Kesler (not as hot as SH but still, I'd def take him over SH, if he weren't married)

John Hester (I am the only fan this kid has, seriously.)

Eddie Cahill, The dude who played Jim Craig in the movie Miracle. Again, not a legitimate athlete, but a true story none the less. Now he's on like, CSI or something and he cut his hair, which is tragic, but yeah, this wouldn't even be a question, sorry SH.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Once Upon a Time....

Had an e-mail from Danielle that asked me if I had feelings for Soccer Hottie. Touchy subject, but I thought it'd be a good post and maybe something I should address.

Soccer Hottie and I started out as the epitome of the planned on night stand. I was super attracted to him looks wise, but never really like...gung ho about him. I think about how head over heels I was for the Soccer Kid, and it just wasn't the same feeling at all, which is odd, because in the grand scheme of things, Soccer Hottie is a way better "jersey chasing" trophy fuck. But that's life, can't control who you have feelings for. I had genuine feelings for Soccer Kid. Soccer Hottie was simply supposed to be a good fuck.

And that's what he was, honestly. Like I've said before, when we first hung out, I thought he was a huge dick. He tried to be all "I don't give a fuck" and I kind of was like "dude, get the fuck off yourself" and he came down off his high horse. And after that, we were cool. But I never expected to date SH (stands for Soccer Hottie, NOT Stuart Holden you crazies ha). And after we hooked up the first time, I didn't really want to.

We kept in touch and he was always a good ego boost. Fuck all you bitches who say I'm shallow, but having a dude who looks like SH tell you you're hot and you have a bangin' body and whatever else, it's an ego boost. He and I also bullshitted about random stuff - dudes I went on dates with, sex, concerts....really really random stuff.

I saw him again in May of last year. And he initiated that one. And it was a blast, well worth the two hour drive and the almost getting arrested in a Super Target (long story). And we hung out with his team mates and shit, and it was a lot of fun being with him. And even after that, I went home and wasn't like, all lovey over him. Don't get me wrong - I loved being around him and I LOVED banging him, but I wasn't like, dying to see him again. I just liked what he and I had going on. It was simple and easy and fun.

I found out about the potential girlfriend while he was at the World Cup. And I kind of blew off the rumors because he was texting me while he was there and nothing seemed shady. When I asked him to hang in August, he was hesitant and that's when I was pretty sure. But he still came back to me, and we got our buds together and we had a fucking pheom time. I can honestly say one of the best times I think I've ever had was sitting in that shady training room with his buds and mine and he had his arm around me and we were drinking warm Coronas.

We hooked up that night. I think we were both dying to do it. And then he admitted he was seeing someone.

And unfortunately I think that's when I admitted to myself I kind of had feelings for him. I did. Maybe it was a "want what you can't have" moment, but I looked at him and was like ah fuck dude....

I didn't tell him. Eventually I think I drunkenly told him, and he laughed it off....and we continued to fuck around for those couple of months after. I was supposed to go see him while he was in the states in...October? I think. But stupid Harvard Football kid put a hold on that when I thought he and I were like, dating.

SH and I have since cooled off some of our banter, but it still goes on. And I don't know what the deal with his girlfriend is, other than the fact that she exists. He doesn't talk to me about her, nor do I ask. I don't care to know.

Do I have feelings for him? Eh, to be honest, if I stopped speaking to him tomorrow, I don't think 'd be that upset. Shit goes on and he's far enough away that I could totally be fine. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about him sometimes randomly. I do, and then I text him lol. You know what? He's a fucking awesome guy, and when you're around him, after he stops being a cocky prick, he is one of the coolest people I know. I love hanging out with him, naked or fully clothed. I do. He has been a huge ego boost for me not just about looks but about confidence. He has a shout out in the book, in the author's note. Why? Because he encouraged me to be myself and say "fuck what everyone else thinks." I adore SH in a weird way. But not in "that" way.

Would I ever want to date soccer hottie? Hmm, to be honest, right now I'd probably say no. Again, this has never come up and I doubt it ever will, particularly because he is with someone right now. I know the odd part of him that cheats and fucks around, and I like that part of him now because it's not on me. But knowing that, could I ever trust him? Probably not. And he's hot, and I like being around him, but I also like a little fidelity. Some women can deal without it - his girlfriend, I assume, is one of them. I'm not. So while I adore soccer hottie, I don't think I'd want to date him. If he text me tomorrow and said "do you want to be my girlfriend", I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't put some thought into that question. But since I don't expect it to happen, I'll go with no for now.

And that's where I stand with Soccer Hottie. I adore him in a fucked up way, but I don't have like, squishy lovey feelings for him, no. It's hard not to look at a dude like him and not be attracted to him, so I'm not saying I'm not. But I can name ten other guys I'd rather date than him, if that means anything.

Miss Me Fuckers?

Geez, don't post for two days and you guys are sending out the SWAT team for me. Sorry kiddos, had some stuff going on with the book, and was planning on possibly putting the blog on hiatus, but, my literary agent informed me it's cool to keep it up while the deal is going through, so you get my free random thoughts for a bit longer. Rejoice, mother fuckers!

First up, let's talk about Carlos Boozer and this whole Bachelor thing going on.

First things first, gross. Carlos Boozer? Gross. Gross gross gross on every level. For me, just not an attractive man. I'm sorry. And the chick is actually pretty hot.

Next up, the chick's name is "Michelle Money". Taking bets right now that her last name is like, Hasblat or something. Money? Jesus, how fucking ghetto/tacky can you get, seriously?

Next up, I'm still deciding whether to give props or boos over the crocodile tears. Michelle claims Boozer told her he was single/going through a divorce/his marriage was ending. She also came out and apologized and said she was very sorry she hurt Cece (Boozer's wife and the mother of his three kids) and she wish she hadn't done it.

I'm on the fence. I give her props for apologizing, and in my heart, I'm like, why would bitch apologize if she didn't seriously mean it. I would NEVER apologize to soccer hottie's girlfriend. EVER. The chick that Tony Parker was allegedly hooking up with didn't apologize - bitch wrote a self righteous banter about her charity work. So maybe, just maybe, this trick is feeling genuine remorse.

However, I'm sorry, she thought his marriage was over? Who in this day and age doesn't Google stalk? Wanna know how I found out soccer hottie WASN'T SINGLE during the World Cup? The internet. Wanna know how I figured out who she was, and all that shit? The internet. THE INTERNET. I know four year old CHILDREN who know how to go google search "is this man married". I mean, come on. You're fucking around with this guy, you're going to tell me you didn't look his ass up once and figure out "oh fuck, he's still married?" Not buying it. Maybe I'm the world's biggest fucking stalker, but I don't think I'm the only one. I have Google stalked EVERY guy I have gone out with in the last two years. You think this girl didn't Google stalk him, even once, JUST to see how much money he made? Give me a break.

My hope is Cece moves on, takes the kids and drains the fucker for all he's worth. Also, I don't watch the bachelor, but now I hope this bitch doesn't win. She looks like Vanessa Williams circa 1992.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hardest life of a Jersey Chaser

A lot of people ask me what women I think have it the hardest when it comes to professional jersey chasing, aka actually dating/marrying one of these fuckers.

Like I said, I think cheating is really rampant in soccer, but one life I wouldn't really want back is that of the minor league baseball girlfriend. It was fun when I was 19/20, but I couldn't imagine still being there at this point in my life.

I love baseball. I could watch it all day, every day. Major League, Minor League, NCAA (maybe not little league), I love watching good baseball, as well as horrendously terrible baseball. So dating a dude in the minors was naturally, at first really fucking fun for me.

I love getting to travel. When college got to me, I'd be able to pick up and go to Tampa or NY or wherever and get away from school and immerse myself in baseball. But when it got to a point where all my fights were conducted via AIM and the phone, and a lot of birthdays were missed and like, I never went out because I hated being the 7th wheel, it started to suck.

I never worried that my ex baseballer cheated. But I know a ton who did. And still do. And then their girlfriends would come visit and I'd have to put on this face like "oh no you're boyfriend totally wasn't banging some random cocktail waitress with hair extensions on his air mattress last night".

The minor leaguers live literally on minimum wage and in shithole apartments, no less. I think my ex at the time was making a little more than 400 a week. And yes, he had a hefty signing bonus, but most stupid dudes blow through that shit on cars and drugs and happy ending massages. They don't have any concept of managing and end up seriously relying on that 400 a week and the fact that they are living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 7 guys. At one point, our apartment in Charleston had no cable. So when they'd go on road trips, I'd watch every fucking DVD possible.

The releasing and the trades, that's a whollllle other issue. I mean, it was one thing for me who could travel anywhere anyway, but for a girl who has a job and god forbid a kid, up rooting your life to follow a minor league contract is insanely difficult. Because more often than not, a.) there is no guarantee and b.) it's going to be to some sheisty town in like, Georgia or Arkansas. And the other option isn't any better - stay where you are by yourself/with your kid while your husband plays ball? Oh that's thrilling.

God, I used to watch that Fort Minor vide all the time, where it showed the pitcher for the Cub's wife and the twins and she talked about how hard it was during the season, and I'd bawl my eyes out because I was like holy shit this is going to be my life.

162 games a year for the majors is a lot of fucking time commitment. Baseball is one of the hardest sports to break into the majors simply because there are so fucking many of them. 30 teams, and each team has Triple A, Double A, High A, Short Season Low A, Short Season High A, and like, a gulf coast league. I mean, with soccer, you have the NCAA to showcase your abilities, the MLS to hone them, and a ton of different leagues with one reserve team in Europe. Football? You play in the NCAA, you get drafted, you are on a team. NBA? You play NCAA, you get drafted, you hopefully play in the NBA. Hockey? Fine, credit where due, you play college or juniors and work your way into an ECHL or AHL affiliate with a contract, but you don't have like 7 levels of minor league to compete with. And when you're playing for a team like the Yankees or the Redsox or the Dodgers, they buy their talent. They trade away their farm talent for seasoned reps that never pan out. I know dudes who are fully capable of playing major league for the Yankees and they will never get the call up. They're languishing in the minors, getting older every year.

And it's very hard to quit. It's very hard to walk away. After six or seven years of putting up with the bullshit, being in double or triple A, it's hard to up and quit and start a new life with a regular job. And for the girlfriends and wives, it's very hard to give up on your relationship. You want to believe so badly in your dude's abilities, but in the grand scheme of things it has nothing to do with abilities, it has to do with opportunities that come so few and far between. And you're playing a balancing game - teetering on the edge of poverty while he's in the minors, praying for a $414,000 minimum wage if he gets the permanent call up.

And trust me, these dudes cheat too. In the majors, in the minors, when people say "they have girlfriends in every town", I actually know two guys who have multiple girlfriends in multiple cities that don't include their hometowns and wives. The length of schedule makes it totally possible. And then you have the women who stuck it out and had it pay off for them, and now they are trading in fidelity for the minimum wage of the major league.

It was fun when I was a kid. When I had the time to dick around, when I didn't care about where I lived so much, when all I wanted to do was be with the guy I was with and watch baseball and be proud of him and drink beers illegally in ripped jeans and flip flops. But at 25, while I still love to dick around in different ways, a little bit of stability goes a long way. I would totally consider dating a baseball player - mainly because I know a lot of the cheaters already - but I don't know if I could ever do the minor league life again. It has nothing to do with money or anything like that, to be honest. It has to do with security in terms of being in one place and knowing a little bit better of where you'll be in a year, or five. I don't like the guess work. Professional sports have taught me that. Baseball especially.

Is this a fucking joke?

2nd date. Impending snow storm. Natch.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO THE PEOPLE AT THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE?! Seriously, to whoever I fucking pissed off over there, I'm SORRY, okay?! Now PLEASE for the love of Christ, stop declaring national fucking weather emergencies on the only fucking days of the week I have to get dinner with this kid.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

To Answer the Question...

No, kat, never rubbed up on Avery. Nor do I have any desire to. But I have met him, and I'm not a fan.

Monday, January 24, 2011


So Jason e-mailed me and asked about gay athletes and jersey chasing in terms of the LGBT community. I'm going to cover this from a "G" standpoint, only because as a woman it's easier for me to figure some stuff out. I also don't want to make this one like, an "assumption" game because I don't like saying "I think this dude is gay" because it just isn't cool. If guys are gay, I hope they come out in their own time, but I don't like adding to speculation (SHOCKING I know).

My best friend is gay. I was at a gay bar (albeit a "sports" one) for 5 hours on Saturday night. I love all things gay. I support gay marriage, gay adoption, LGBT equality, ENDA, you name it, if it helps the gays, I would vote for it if I were registered (I don't vote but I do a lot of op-ed pieces so fuck off). I don't believe in Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I think it's pathetic and people who wish to keep it as protocol have never honestly met a gay person. I feel it's important to preface this post as such because I don't want people to think I'm going into it unbiased. I am totally biased. Anyone who knows a gay person - legitimately has a gay person in their lives - should feel the same way.

Sports and gays are very much, to me, like the military and gays. It's a super masculinized environment with a lot of nudity and a lot of religion (football and God go together like bacon fat and ice cream in the south). Which means there is a lot of hostility toward gays. I simply just do not believe that in sports like, say, the NFL, there are 32 teams each with approximately 52 guys, and all of them are straight. Like, in more than 1660 guys, you're telling me not ONE GUY likes the peen? I'm sorry, in 2/3 of the prominent boyband groups of the last 20 years, 2 dudes have been gay and I'm sorry, Howie from BSB, totally questionable, I don't care that he's married. Give me a fucking break.

The main guys I've known to be the out athletes are as follows:

Billy Bean - Bean played for the Tigers and the Dodgers. He did a huge article in I think 2000 if I remember correctly about living a lie, being married for 9 years to a lady, and playing in a game the day his lover died.

Mark Bingham is another one who isn't very well known, but a lot of people know because of 9/11. Dude was a hard core rugby player for Cal State. I mean, HUGE. 6'5" 240lbs. He was also aboard Flight 93 on 9/11 and helped rush the cockpit that day to prevent the dbags from blowing up more shit. Yeah, dude really sounds like a "fag", right?

John Amaechi is the most current I can think of. But he came out post-NBA career, and then encouraged gay athletes to stay in the closet, which I think was kind of dick...

My favorite story though was last year when the captain of SUNY Oneonta (if you're from NY you know it) lacrosse came out. It got a lot of national press because the whole team totally embraced the dude and he really stood up for, in my opinion, gay athletes across the country. Plus, he's a fucking fox, Google him - Andrew McIntosh. To me, this is what male-dominated sports need more of - leaders like this kid who are respected on the field and off to make a point that if you simply are who you are and play the game and do your job, who you fuck at home means nothing. Plus, it doesn't help that he's really hot.

And finally, the only world's current professional male athlete on a team who is out, is Gareth Thomas. Dude plays rugby in the UK and is insanely good at his job. Anyone who dares say "fag" or "pansy" or "pussy" or "faggot" or any other term implying the remotest sense of weakness because of his sexuality should think twice if they like their teef in their mouth. This guy could kick the shit out of anyone. But another sad case - dude got married to his childhood sweetheart because that's what straight rugby players do - they marry and bang chicks with vaginas. They eventually got a divorce. In 2009, he told the Daily Mail, the UK's top rag, that he was gay. And I mean, rugby is a pretty fucking masculine sport, dude. This guy isn't fucking dancing onto that field in Elton John boas and hot pink stockings, let's be real.

I wish I had a better answer for Jason, who asked if there is any hope for gay jersey chasers. I mean, my first response is "fuck yeah" because like I said, there's no way 1660 dudes in the NFL are straight. Multiply that by other sports, and I mean, the potential only grows (I can think of at least 7 soccer players who have questionable sexuality). It's not whether they are or not that's the problem - it's whether they are cool with it or not. If they admit it to themselves, act on it. If they're on the DL, if they are faking a marriage, if they fuck a lot of pussy to seem like a typical guy while they go home and watch gay porn...I mean, a lot of guys don't want to risk their careers and unfortunately, no one can guarantee that coming out won't ruin a guy's career (which to me is bullshit). You have Christian groups that might protest his involvement, you have assholes who refuse to shower with him in the locker room, you have idiots who think being gay means being weak or non-masculine. Dudes like Andrew McIntosh and, sadly in retrospect, Mark Bingham, prove that isn't the case - just like some straight dudes like ballet and cooking and cats but still love to bang vagina, some gay dudes like sports and hitting each other and being athletic, but like to go home and play with dong.

The more that gays are being accepted in the world and the US, the more I hope people can cross barriers in terms of being gay and playing sports (or on the flip side, being straight and ballroom dancing). While I don't know if these guys would welcome jersey chasers with open arms, Jason makes a fabulous point - these guys could make out (no pun in tended) just as well as their straight counterparts. I know my best friend - who is a gay man in a straight man's everything - would love a guy who was masculine and sporty and rugged.

These guys should definitely not be ashamed, and it's sad that someone who might enjoy so much success in life through athletics might have to hide who they are and deny themselves happiness to maintain that success, when dudes like Tiger Woods can go fucking the entire slut brigade at Scores and still be "respected". I hope that guys like Andrew McIntosh and Gareth Thomas pave the way for many more athletes to take their whole life into their own hands and be entirely happy with who they are - as an athlete and as a gay man.

Random Question(s) of the Day

So clearly I haven't had a random question of the day in a while, since I've been lazy and in writing mode and I thought I'd go through my inbox and find some good questions, most of which have NOTHING to do with jersey chasing (which is why I find them pretty comical) and throw some of my own in there as well....

Basically, as much as I love conducting interviews (ask any guy I've ever been on a date with), I also love giving them. I'm egotistical like that.

Here we go!

Biggest guilty pleasure - I know you fuckers are all expecting me to say like, The Jersey Shore or something, but no. College acapella is definitely one of them, though. Totally obsessed with the UVA Hullabahoos (sorry UM Treble Makers, just not as good). I spend a good part of my day on Youtube watching college acapella vids. Um, otherwise, reruns of The Gilmore Girls, and anything that has garlic in it.

Bar you'd most likely find me in in NYC - Brother Jimmy's, most likely the Murray Hill one. Otherwise, I'm a big fan of the fratastic scene at Joshua Tree (80's music, come on), and most bars in the W. Village.

Athlete I hate the most - Mark McGuire - tarnished baseball in a serious way. Tim Wakefield - has made me cry on several occasions. Sean Avery - dude is a huge dick.

First concert I ever went to - Billy Joel. I was in 6th grade, and I stuffed my bra because my older sister was taking me and I wanted to look older. It didn't work.

Favorite thing about living in New York - the baseball, the bars, my ability to tip well, summertime, being able to say 'I live in New York'. Direct flights from JFK and La Guardia.

Worst thing about living in New York - The month of December, tourists, dealing with people who don't live in New York, the housing prices, dudes who work at Barclays Capital.

Worst first date - the one where the dude asked me if I had ever been in a threesome (no, surprisingly this was not Soccer Hottie), then got me lit and bribed me back to his place by way of food ("I live right by the Seinfeld diner, let's get some burgers"), then tried to get me to have sex with him. I didn't (which seriously says a lot). I left in the middle of the night and stole a box of cookies he had on his counter because it was like 4 in the morning and I knew that nothing at Penn Station would be open. Never spoke to that poor fucker again.

Best first date - any that revolved around McSorley's (there's three in that category, all have been fantastically drunk and hilarious).

What I miss most about being in a relationship - constant sex? No, just kidding, I get that anyway. HA. No, um, probably sleeping with someone in a non-sexual way. I feel very comfortable having someone in the bed with me, and nights when I'm home, if I'm having a very rough day or am upset about something, I still crawl in with my mother like a four year old. But yeah, probably having someone to sleep with.

What I will miss most about being single (if and when anyone ever decides to fucking date me) - Drama free situations? Not getting jealous? Not being paranoid? I mean, lots of things. Chasing the jersey, a huge one. Not going "oh I totally slept with him!" when someone comes on ESPN? I dunno.

Person I'd love to debate with about the shit I do - Bill O'Reilly. Would love to hear what he has to say about me. Otherwise, would love to do Bill Maher or Jon Stewart.

Seriously, I'd bang any of these dudes. Gay, straight, I'd bang any of 'em.