Monday, January 3, 2011

Hottie Roster of the Week

Alright bitches, work off those holiday hangovers, time to lose those extra twenty pounds, stop being embarrassed for making out with your copy guy who doesn't really speak English in your office at your holiday party, and pay attention! Five new hottie athletes to keep you occupied and your rosters stacked for the week.

Aaron Volpatti. Yah, I know, lame to do two posts, but he TOTALLY has to make the cut. AND, he cuts my streak of having only d-men in the hottie rosters! He is a forward, and was called up to the Vancouver Canucks on December 16th, making his debut in a home game against the Toronto Mapleleafs. Even better? Dude was signed as a free agent last March, spent half a season with the Manitoba Moose and made the cut. Dude is SO hot. And tall. And he's from BC. Fuck, I want to bang this kid SO badly.

Aaron Rodgers. Ok, this is a case of dude looks hot on random occassions. I am NOT a fan of his long hair looks, but with some cleaned up locks, he's not bad to look at. Also, here's a case of dude held out and put in his time. he was the backup QB behind Brett Favre when Favre was still super Pacman. Can you imagine being this guy? Favre announces retirement like 32 times and he just continues being the fucking backup for like, 4 years. He was a high drfat pick, too, he had potential, and he gets pushed behind the never ending Favre. AWFUL. So then finally Favre retires aka he goes to the Jets to get himself some Sterger sexual harassment charges, and Rodgers gets the call. And a six year, $65 million contract with extension in 2014. So worth the wait. This guy is hot just for putting up with Brett Favre.

Trent Edwards. I'm on a football kick. Trent Edwards is the backup QB for the Jacksonville Jaguars (yeah, I forgot they were a team, too). He had a lot of potential coming out of college at Stanford, and played when after he was drafted by the Bills, but the Bills just sucked and he got hurt a lot...then the injuries kind of turned into inconstancies. But when he was released by the Bills he got picked up on waivers by Jacksonville and now he's got new life in him, albeit as the backup QB. But if he can learn from anyone, he can learn from Aaron Rodgers. It's SO worth the wait. I'd bang this second string QB. I do the dark hair look, and you know his body is probably bangin.

Let's get snobby for a hot sec. I met Richard Le Poer at the Cartier Polo match two years ago. He plays polo. Now, Polo to me is like the real life version of Quidditch. It's British and the rules are kind of weird and the commentary is a drunk old dude commenting more closely on women's hats than the "match". I got shitfaced on Champaign and then I met the puppet master - good times - but I added Le Poer on Facebook, and dude is totally fuckable in a "you might be inbred and you talk like a snooty bastard" way. Polo is a really wealthy "sport" and I mean, Prince Harry looks super fine playing it. So does this guy. So here's Richard. Doesn't he look FAAAAAANCY? I stole this picture from his Facebook, by the way. Not Sketchy at all. Green is totally his color...And look, he can ride a horse backward! I bet that means he can ride women backward too. And in other fun positions.

Alright, kind of pains me to do this, but I'll throw Joe Mauer in. He kind of deserves it, and I like appeasing my readers. Mauer, for those of you who don't follow baseball and therefore probably shouldn't be reading this fucking blog to begin with, is the catcher for the Minnesota Twins. He's considered one of the best multifacited catchers, aka he's pretty awesome offensively in the hitting department and defensively in the "fuck you he's going to second! He's going to second! HOLY SHIT MAUER GOT HIM OUT!" department. He's also the only catcher in MLB history to have won three batting titles. Yeah? Well, Jorge Posada looks like Sid from Ice Age, so fuck you Minnesota. Anyway, fine, Mauers really fucking good, three Golden Gloves, and he won the 2009 AL MVP award. He has a kind of huge shnoz, but he's totally hot. He takes really good pictures and while the backward catcher's helmut could make Fozzy Bear look like a sexpot, Mauer totally rocks the look. I'd fuck him. I might do it in an angry manner, but I'd do it. And then beg him to sign with the Yankees. I'd offer my vagina up for collateral. As part of his package. Brian Cashman may or may not be involved in this transaction.


  1. Yay for more Mauer love!! Totally made this Monday bearable. <3

  2. OMG that Polo player is going to haunt my dreams in an amazing way!!

  3. PS In that interview pic, Volpatti kinda looks like a young Rob Estes. Also known now as the dad on the questionable new 90210 series. Yeah, I said it....