Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hottie Roster of the Week

I mean, pitchers and catchers report in a few weeks. All I can say. I'd rather live in New York with a losing team than Wisconsin or Pittsburgh with a winning team (sorry to my readers in those places).

In light of all this football shit (my mom actually even held a party today, complete with wings and Bourbon that's been in our liquor cabinet since 1989), here's a football centric Hottie Roster of the Week.

First up, Mark Sanchez. I've met him twice before and while he didn't totally send my jersey chasing loins into a frenzy, I think we all know I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't bone him. The Jets sucked ballsace 3/4s of that game, but made a hard come back and gave the Steelers a little bit of stressful agony coming within 5 points. But alas, the Jets are going to back home with the rest of us, suffering in below freezing weather come tomorrow. Either way, Sanchez gets the first vote.

Next up, Graham Harrell , a QB for the Greenbay Packers. This is a case of dude looks better in uniform and with longer hair, but seriously, try finding hot guys on football squads. Their pictures are HORRENDOUS. Anyway, Harrell played at Texas tech and looked super fucking fine doing so. Kid won a shit ton of awards, particularly in his senior season, and was insanely good. Surprisingly, he went undrafted and started playing for the Saskatchewan Roughriders (holler at a CFL team!) and then he was released. He was later signed by the Packers, released, and resigned the next day. And now fucker is going to the Super Bowl. Eat THAT CFL.

Next up, Caleb Hanie gets the shout of for being the most important third string QB of the last decade. The Bears had some serious QB breakdown tonight, with Jay Cutler being as bad at football as he is at being good looking. Their second string fucked up and then Caleb came in and almost pulled off a huge fucking comeback, but instead threw and interception and the Packers won. But he seriously the only good part of the Bears offense, seriously. It's terrible when you're 3rd string QB is like, the shining light that guides your team. Jay Cutler, seriously, you might want to reconsider professions, just saying.

And finally....I legitimately could not find a guy I deemed remotely attractive on the Pittsburgh Steelers, and I would rather slice off my boobs than lie and say Ben Ben deserves to be on this list, so as an interim player for the AFC/NFC HRotW, Nick Schommer gets the call up! Nick Schommer, who's team the Tennessee Titans were NOT in the playoffs, is way hotter than most other football players, and has been on my "to fuck" list for a while now. I'm pretty sure he may have blocked me on Facebook (like I don't have four other fake names), but it's okay. Once my book sells and I'm a millionaire and I look hot on a red carpet, I know he's going to come around. Plus, it's not like he's fucking Tom Brady, I don't know why he's being so fucking picky. He's a safety who doesn't really do shit other than look hot rocking number 39. Anyway, Nick Schommer, congrats, if it were up to me you'd totally be playing in the Super Bowl, and I'd totally bang you like you just won one.


  1. Thanks for giving my baby Mark some love... True he isn't going to the Super Bowl but I'd still bang the hell outta him any day of the week... Next time you run in to him give him my email... hook a bitch up like a sister would... lol

    and Nick didn't block you on FB... he's just been busy and hasn't gotten back to you yet! he'll get his shit together soon and be like "hey Stef, sorry I've been busy but I totally want to swap some bodily fluids with you and then have some beers, if that's ok with you?" you totally got this dude so don't sweat it!

  2. p.s. I've already started to warn the good girls of DFW to get out the chastity belts and lock those bitches down cause Big Ben the rapist will be here in a week! I wouldn't fuck him with those gold digger chicks from that Ballerz websites snatches!

  3. no remotely good-looking pittsburgh steelers? ur not looking hard enough....i'll give u one, even though i could name a lot more:

    daniel sepulveda, punter. he's not playing now because of an injury, but he's hot and sexy, and u'd def ride his dick.