Soccer Hottie and I started out as the epitome of the planned on night stand. I was super attracted to him looks wise, but never really like...gung ho about him. I think about how head over heels I was for the Soccer Kid, and it just wasn't the same feeling at all, which is odd, because in the grand scheme of things, Soccer Hottie is a way better "jersey chasing" trophy fuck. But that's life, can't control who you have feelings for. I had genuine feelings for Soccer Kid. Soccer Hottie was simply supposed to be a good fuck.
And that's what he was, honestly. Like I've said before, when we first hung out, I thought he was a huge dick. He tried to be all "I don't give a fuck" and I kind of was like "dude, get the fuck off yourself" and he came down off his high horse. And after that, we were cool. But I never expected to date SH (stands for Soccer Hottie, NOT Stuart Holden you crazies ha). And after we hooked up the first time, I didn't really want to.
We kept in touch and he was always a good ego boost. Fuck all you bitches who say I'm shallow, but having a dude who looks like SH tell you you're hot and you have a bangin' body and whatever else, it's an ego boost. He and I also bullshitted about random stuff - dudes I went on dates with, sex, concerts....really really random stuff.
I saw him again in May of last year. And he initiated that one. And it was a blast, well worth the two hour drive and the almost getting arrested in a Super Target (long story). And we hung out with his team mates and shit, and it was a lot of fun being with him. And even after that, I went home and wasn't like, all lovey over him. Don't get me wrong - I loved being around him and I LOVED banging him, but I wasn't like, dying to see him again. I just liked what he and I had going on. It was simple and easy and fun.
I found out about the potential girlfriend while he was at the World Cup. And I kind of blew off the rumors because he was texting me while he was there and nothing seemed shady. When I asked him to hang in August, he was hesitant and that's when I was pretty sure. But he still came back to me, and we got our buds together and we had a fucking pheom time. I can honestly say one of the best times I think I've ever had was sitting in that shady training room with his buds and mine and he had his arm around me and we were drinking warm Coronas.
We hooked up that night. I think we were both dying to do it. And then he admitted he was seeing someone.
And unfortunately I think that's when I admitted to myself I kind of had feelings for him. I did. Maybe it was a "want what you can't have" moment, but I looked at him and was like ah fuck dude....
I didn't tell him. Eventually I think I drunkenly told him, and he laughed it off....and we continued to fuck around for those couple of months after. I was supposed to go see him while he was in the states in...October? I think. But stupid Harvard Football kid put a hold on that when I thought he and I were like, dating.
SH and I have since cooled off some of our banter, but it still goes on. And I don't know what the deal with his girlfriend is, other than the fact that she exists. He doesn't talk to me about her, nor do I ask. I don't care to know.
Do I have feelings for him? Eh, to be honest, if I stopped speaking to him tomorrow, I don't think 'd be that upset. Shit goes on and he's far enough away that I could totally be fine. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about him sometimes randomly. I do, and then I text him lol. You know what? He's a fucking awesome guy, and when you're around him, after he stops being a cocky prick, he is one of the coolest people I know. I love hanging out with him, naked or fully clothed. I do. He has been a huge ego boost for me not just about looks but about confidence. He has a shout out in the book, in the author's note. Why? Because he encouraged me to be myself and say "fuck what everyone else thinks." I adore SH in a weird way. But not in "that" way.
Would I ever want to date soccer hottie? Hmm, to be honest, right now I'd probably say no. Again, this has never come up and I doubt it ever will, particularly because he is with someone right now. I know the odd part of him that cheats and fucks around, and I like that part of him now because it's not on me. But knowing that, could I ever trust him? Probably not. And he's hot, and I like being around him, but I also like a little fidelity. Some women can deal without it - his girlfriend, I assume, is one of them. I'm not. So while I adore soccer hottie, I don't think I'd want to date him. If he text me tomorrow and said "do you want to be my girlfriend", I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't put some thought into that question. But since I don't expect it to happen, I'll go with no for now.
And that's where I stand with Soccer Hottie. I adore him in a fucked up way, but I don't have like, squishy lovey feelings for him, no. It's hard not to look at a dude like him and not be attracted to him, so I'm not saying I'm not. But I can name ten other guys I'd rather date than him, if that means anything.