Anypedo, the blogs are all a buzz about New York Jets QB Mark Sanchez shacking up with a girl who's basically still on curfew and may or may not have JUST passed her road test and her SATs.
Sanchez is 24, will be 25 this year - he's the same year as me. The high school senior (possible junior?) in question, Eliza Kruger, met Sanchez in a "night club" in NYC. First off, what night club is this bitch getting into, because I STILL get carded at every bar I go to in NYC and I've had two dudes tell me it wasn't me in my license. So unless Sanchez is hanging out at like, Posh's 18+ nights or some shit, I'd love to know where this girl is sneaking into at 17. After meeting him at the club, she went back to his place in New Jersey and fooled around. She took pics of his home on her phone and submitted them to Deadspin as proof. Nothing screams class like taking pics of a guy's house as proof you banged him. Even I haven't gotten to that point in life.
Sanchez took her out to dinner the week after they played Buffalo. And apparently she told him she was 17, then made him aware 17 is totally legal in NY. Ballsy, I must say. She was basically saying "no, it's totally cool, you won't go to jail if you fuck me". Layin' it all out there.
Look, can I judge the bitch? I mean, this whole blog is about fucking around with athletes and repeating the stories for shits and giggles. I met Mark Sanchez one night at an SNL after party at my bar, and he was cool enough. But even I didn't pursue that shit. Something about Mark just weirds me out. But at 17, I can see the draw. I mean, who wouldn't wanna brag about bagging this guy at 17? I get it.
But what I am not a fan of is the fact that she didn't use the story for fun. She fucked him over. Sure, Mark got himself into the situation by banging a 17 year old to begin with. But in my stories, I don't sell out the dudes. Some people may guess and think they know, but I will obviously never confirm or deny. I want to sell the stories without fucking the guys over, without using their names to get attention. This chick went and gave the story to Deadpin by way of using Sanchez's name and trying to hide her own with initials. I tried that once. We obviously know how that turned out. As Tucker Max once said in not so many polite words to me, "you're trying to cheat the system". Bitch was trying to cheat the system. And now everyone is Googling her and knows who she is and what she looks like, and I don't think she is ready for it. At 17, who is? Fuck, at 24, when I consented to getting outted, I had to pop like 10 Xanax, drink a bottle of wine and I lost 10 lbs. I couldn't be a Twitter trend for fucking a guy at 17. Sorry.
Aside from that, I don't personally think she's that hot. At all. Like, no. A lot of people say that about me, which is fine, to each their own, and maybe she's hotter in person than she is in pics, GOD KNOWS I can sympathize there. But she looks like a typical girl in high school who probably still wears a Pooka shell necklace and plays field hockey. Dude can bang a lot of hotter, less controversial chicks in the world. I don't really see what the worth was in her. Something tells me she wsn't full of insightful thoughts or educated prose. Unless you consider chatting about episodes of Glee and Ke$sha intellectual. Darn kids these days.
And finally, the big issue I take with all of it, is yeah, she's 17, and yeah when I think back to where I was in my life at 17, looks wise, education wise, knowledge wise, common sense wise, clothing style wise, I don't know why anyone over the age of 20 would want to even associate me, let alone fuck me, it's NOT illegal. 17 is the age of consent in New York. 16 in New Jersey (not surprising, Jersey guys are pedos anyway). And in the grand scheme of things, Sanchez is only 7 years older than her. If she were 22 and he were 29, no one would give a shit. But the "teen" thing has everyone up in arms, when in reality, it isn't a big deal.
Sanchez will be fine. He did nothing illegal, there's no reason for the NFL to reprimand him (I mean, fuck, Ben Roethlisberger set the bar way low at this point, as long as you don't kill a girl after you sexually assault/rape her you can still play), and this will die down. I hope the girl enjoys her fifteen minutes of fame, because I have a feeling she's going to get more slack for this than he will. And Sanchez is an NFL guy - he's used to media attention, used to rumors, used to snarky comments. Most people in high school have issues being a rumor topic on Facebook, or are upset when the "popular" kids make fun of them. This bitch just brought the might of the entire internet upon herself, and will probably be dealing with the backlash. In a way, this reminds me of the Duke Fuck List a bit, except Karen Owen (who I like very much, personally, she's a way cool chick actually) was funny. And didn't try to push her shit out there anonymously and fuck those guys over. And she managed to take the brunt of it and move on in a dignified way. She's also 23. And she didn't invite the backlash on herself. This chick just did. I hope she's prepared for it. And I hope Marky Mark was well worth it.