Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sloppy Seconds

Got an e-mail from Shannon today asking if I get upset when I see an athlete I've been involved with moves on. I'm going to assume this came from my random thoughts post on...whatever day it was this week, Monday? Regarding my former NHLer. Good question, Shannon.

Despite all the sex I love to have, and my constant ability to detach sex from love and sometimes even emotional feelings all together, I still am a girl. And, I'm on the pill, so I get extra moody sometimes where I cry for no reason other than I opened the milk container spout the wrong way and you'd swear I just lost my mother in a brutal 10 car pile up on the Belt Parkway. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. And sometimes, I get stuck on these stupid things called feelings. Including, but not limited to jealousy, sadness, missing someone (not a feeling but we'll pretend), bitterness, and all out fuck youness.

A lot of people assume I am "upset" over the fact that Soccer Hottie has a girlfriend. I'm not. Never really have been, outside of maybe one time where I was a little uh...confused about some shit. But knowing him, it makes me not be jealous, but pity her in a way. It's nice to have a hot boyfriend. It's nice to have a boyfriend who is an athlete and has a slammin' body and has a fun personality. What it's not fun to have is a boyfriend who isn't faithful. I said it in the very beginning. I never wanted to date Soccer Hottie. I just like chilling with him and being naked with him. He is the ultimate friends with benefits, particularly because the whole "feelings for him" moment in our situation has long since come and gone. But dating him? No. I am not mad he "picked" this girl. He picked her for a few reasons and to be honest, I'm good with distance, but one international relationship is more than fine for me. I don't get upset that he's dating someone. But I get confused sometimes as to why (not specifically her...well...eh, not specifically her, but in general why he's all into being monogamous at the moment), if that counts?

NHLer was a different story. Right after the Brobible article came out, I defriended him on Facebook IMMEDIATELY because I was afraid people would go through my Facebook looking for his name. Since then, my only contact with him has been the seven minute drunk dial voice message I left him on Thanksgiving Eve (thank you Fore Loko), and my bothering his teammates at some point as well. But last Sunday while at Michelle's, who is still friends with him on FB, I looked at his profile. Now, I have known for a few months he's been dating someone. But seeing on on Facebook kind of sucked (that sounds so lame, the whole fact that seeing it on FACEBOOK sucked. I am a product of my generation). When he and I were hooking up, I wanted to date him for ALL the wrong reasons. And we like, tried to care about each other. And in some fucked up ways, we did. But never enough on either side. And now for him it looks a lot more natural, based on the pictures I saw. I mean, the kid is awkward as fuck. For him to make anything other than hockey look good, it means he's into it. And do I think the chick is pretty? Eh, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But personally? Nothign stellar. She might have a fab personality though so I can't knock it. I don't know her. But with that one this week, yes, I have gone through a "wow, she got picked over me" moment or two. But then I remember it wa skind of a mutual inability to get our shit together, so I don't feel too jaded. She's Canadian also, so she probably understands his drunk accent way better than I ever did. "Did you just say horny grease fried robots?" "No, I said how many miles you got?" (he meant on my car. This was literally a conversation we once had).

As for others. The two exes in my life, no, I don't get jealous. I did a little bit for one, but the other I couldn't have been happier for, probably because I broke up with him. Baseballer met a nice girl a couple months after I was a bitch and broke up with him via e-mail (ther'es a reason for this that makes me not as big of a bitch, I swear), and now they are married and I am super happy he is happy. I can say that one honestly. As for the other one? I was obviously when I first found out I had been unceremoniously replaced, as most ex girlfriends are. But then I went through the typical "reasons I a better" list, as most ex girlfriends do, and I started banging hotter athletes and enjoying my life post-graduation. So there, you know, that shit is typical. If you;re going to sit there and say "I never got jealous when my ex who dumped me got a new girlfriend," you are LYING. LYING LIAR. it happens to the best of us. The best remeedy? Go fuck a hot soccer player or 4.

I try very very hard not to get jealous. I fail MISERABLY sometimes, but with athletes, I have come to terms with the way they are about dating, sex, relationships, hook ups and one night stands. God knows I've been with enough of them to at least grasp the retardation that these types of situations incur. So knowing what I know at this point makes it much easier for me to be like "eh, whatever" when a guy I had once banged or "dated" suddenly found a new piece to be all naked with. I also remind myself there are a lot more players on the field. One goes, here's a brand new one. Soccer has been SUPER great with that one ha. You can't take shit too seriously. YOu start speculating on why a guy - be he an athlete or a banker - chose the chubby red head over you (has yet to happen this way), you drive yourself insane. It happens to me sometimes, but I'd prefer ot put my psychotic energy toward something more lucrative, like stalking a new roster to find a replacement for said retarded athlete that picked a redhead over moi.

So no, Shannon, for the most part, I don't get upset when athletes move on and/or fuck around with other girls. As long as there is no title tied to us, then to me it isn't cheating and I just have to grow a set and learn to deal with the semi-shitty parts in order to enjoy the full spectrum of awesome I've come to love when it comes to banging around with athletes. I get sad sometimes when they move on and the good times end, but like I said, there are a million teams with a million players and it's not hard to replace these guys, or find better. It might sound shallow, but for me it's always been about having a good time, not finding the future father of my unborn (and probably non-existant for all eternity) babies. When I'm ready to settle down and be a girlfriend again, then maybe I'll get upset when a guy picks someone else. Til then? No thanks.

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