Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Soccer WAGS part II - Married Young

Alright, so, now that I've dealt with my feelings on people who are too much of pussies to say shit to my face and instead choose to highlight their computer ineptitudes, let's talk soccer, shall we?

Okay, SO. Before soccer hottie and before soccer kid, there was another soccer player who was not American. Surprising as I hate most Europeans and their accents and their inability to tip. However,I did really like this dude, but shit didn't work out and I was pretty upset. Safe to say one of the few times in my life athlete chasing wasn't about sex alone. In fact, the situation was VERY similar to mine with soccer kid. I was pretty bummed it didn't work out, to be honest. I totally, TOTALLY could have done the European WAG thing at that point in my life.

Flash forward and this guy is getting married in August. I found out not too long ago. I had gotten over him for the most part so I wasn't like devastated. But dude is 24. And his fiance? 21. I mean, granted they're getting hitched in Europe, if it were here, she'd be JUST barely legal to drink at her own god damn wedding. At 21, I was still fucking around with NCAA athletes and feeling cool ordering "double baileys on the rocks" right after they took the big red UNDER 21 line off my license. Marriage? I'm almost 25 and the term terrifies me. But I don't order double baileys anymore, learned that lesson real fucking quick.

Anyway, I got an e-mail the other day about this guy. And his WAG. And I was just like, what the fuck? I mean don't get me wrong, it was hilarious. And part of me thinks it could be true but who the fuck knows.

The e-mail goes on to talk about how the WAG is like, the epitome of a dumb blonde. Girly, princessy, demanding and a tease. AKA my total fucking opposite, which I find awesome. Rumor has it these two only went on three dates prior to like, getting seriously involved. And girl is American. This random dude who is e-mailing me proceeds to tell me some gossip about how she dicked over his friend and how she once had to have a blowjob explained to her in high school (I AOL Searched that shit when I was 15, so I can't really knock her there. HEY, you gotta learn somehow, and I've had NO complaints since). That the draw of the WAG lifestyle is already starting to wear off because bitch is down home American and not cut out for the whole "blonde cheerleaders don't intimidate us" situation that other countries have over America.

And despite his, in my opinion, really good looks, dude was pretty awkward. Like, maybe I was a bit too forward (I think he even said that once), but the guy was just so....shy? Or no. Like...asexual. Not gay. Asexual. All he thought about was his career. Like, if my panties didn't have soccer balls on them, he just couldn't give a shit. So dude who's e-mailing me is telling me this was this kid's only option (which obviously made me feel reeeeeeally fucking great btw ha), because she was the only one dumb enough to put up with it.

So now they're getting married. And I'm just like....are you serious? You've barely been together a year. A YEAR. You're not old enough to RENT A FUCKING CAR FROM ENTERPRIZE and you're committing yourself to marriage? I mean, this guy is good looking. Or at least I think he is, and I think I have decent taste (so says my hottie rosters, feel free to disagree). He has been a well known name in Europe for about 4 years now. And he's kind of just going into an upswing. The opportunities in front of him in terms of who he'll meet, where he'll go, how he'll grow up, are endless. And he's settling. For a high school/college sweetheart. Who went to a college that my sister (God love her but she was the worst student known to mankind and I think she just skipped her SATs all together) got a scholarship to. Why do I feel like...I dunno, this is a bad idea?

I look at certain marriages of all athletes - not just soccer, but hockey and football, etc. Take the Landon Donovans. And the Wayne Rooneys. And the Kobe Bryants. And explain to me why they lock themselves in just when they are taking off? Remember the big name athlete I mentioned a few posts ago, that banged around with my friend and then we found out he was a married dad? Married young, college sweethearts. These guys, they feel security with these girls and then they hit a point in their lives where they have to separate high school from reality. I'm sorry, I loved loved loved my ex, Brian, but at this point in my life, would I HONESTLY want to be dating someone I found attractive at 17? I liked pooka shell necklaces and I wore button down shirts and denim skirts at 17. My judgement wasn't all together perfect. You grow up. You change. And I'm not even remotely famous. If I suddenly became a uge star tomorrow and had the opportunity to bang a guy like Alexander Pettyfer (just came a little in my pants at the idea of it) or Chase Crawford or Tom Brady (eh) or NICK SCHOMMER (it's been a while since he got a shoutout), would I want to be strapped down to a guy who I liked in high school? Fuck no. Yeah, maybe every girl doesn't have their best intentions. Maybe you gotta weed through the 100 of hottie bitches throwing themselves at you because of your name, game, bank account or fame. But I would put money on the fact that there will be one girl in the 100 you meet, that isn't in it for the money. That is on level with you professionally, personally, and honestly, physically.

I don't get it. I don't get when someone has so much opportunity when it comes to relationships and attraction and love, laying ahead of them, they anchor their shit down. "Maybe they really love them". You know what? If it was a dude in Down Home Bumblefuck Idaho, who graduated from DHB State University in Idaho, and moved back to their little town and got a job at the local bank, then yeah, I'd buy the love shit. But opportunity and the lives these guys lead, change things. And to blow those chances just seems stupid to me. And I know a lot of athletes - a LOT of athletes - who'd agree with me. Who have cheated. And who will cheat again. Who will end up getting divorced. Because they settled too soon for someone they loved before they became the name and the player.

It's sad, really. But I did find this e-mail extremely extremely hilarious and was petty pumped to get an inside glimpse of this dude's relationship, seeing as I only knew what she looked liked. Getting a possible look into her personality (and the fact that we are night and day in that sense) was entertaining to me. As were the stories.

1 comment:

  1. (((Stef and Stef's Mom)))

    That is some SERIOUSLY messed up shizz, on all levels. Going after your mom??? Scary and unacceptable. Glad you're okay. Be careful and stay safe.

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