Sunday, February 6, 2011

Well That was as anticlimactic as sex with a non-athlete

I gave up on the Super Bowl and watched the new episode of Big Love instead by the 3rd quarter. Shit was boring, right? I mean, the interceptions were good, it almost looked like Pitt was gonna come back, but Roethlisberger just looked fat. Like, legitimately chubby and fucking unathletic. I know he has a bad knee but watching him run is like listening to a kid with a stutter give a speech. It's awkward, and stressful, and unimpressive.

Also, the commercials blew. I didn't see one I really thought was good. That fucking Groupon one about Tibet? Terrible.

I won't even go into the fact that Christina Aguilera just basically confirmed she's on the verge of a Britney-like breakdown circa 2007. Bitch used to weigh like 97 lbs and now she looks like she ate Ben Roethlisberger. She also looks like a less feminine drag queen. And seriously, you forget the national anthem? I'm not even patriotic and I know the national anthem. Fuck, I know the CANADIAN national anthem.

Lea Michelle? Sang well, but made me feel like I was in a 1954 variety hour show. Also, the faces she makes when she sings look like a painful orgasm. Like a chick in a fetish video begging to cum or something. Fucking weird.

Aaron Rodgers was the tits, I'll give him that much. It's because he once made HRotW, obviously. It gave him the strength to throw some seriously solid passes. I'd bang him right about now.

I suppose Ben Roethlisberger won't be sexually assaulting - read: consensually fucking - anyone tonight. Except perhaps his random fiance? Who may or may not be one of those Real Dolls for all we know? Hey, if it can't speak, it can't file charges, right?

Anyway, I'm going to bed because I have 14 hours of fun with old dirty men at my steakhouse tomorrow (that sounds terribly wrong). HRotW will be up tomorrow night.

1 comment:

  1. So have you heard anything since you live in NYC or from your SI buds about Mark Sanchez allegedly raping/romancing a 17 year old girl? Chick is now pulling a Farve/Twoods/BigRapelsburger....providing photos and shizz