Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Asshole Question of the Night

Now, even though I don't really think "Ronnie" e-mailed me with a legitimate interest in my answer to his question "if you're not a slut, then what the fuck is?", I thought I'd take the negative and turn it into a positive!

First off, I am so fucking tired of the word slut. It has been part of my every day vernacular for the last three months, and not by choice. Between the e-mails, and the ghetto anonymous printouts left on my family member's cars, and the comments on different sites and the Youtube video and the Brobible article, I'm so fucking tired of it. Not that it bothers me. I don't mean it like that. But it's just so fucking overplayed and TIRED. Seriously, get a goddamn thesaurus and find a better word for slut. It means nothing anymore. It's like calling someone glib. It just holds no weight whatsoever. It's unoriginal and obsolete and I will seriously give major credit to the first person who comes up with a replacement word for slut. I'm simply BORED of the word slut.

Second, since the wonderful people who continue to call me a slut are more than likely going to be unable to find a better word to express their ridiculous disdain for a chick they've never met because they are retarded, I'll humor it and move forward. What do I think constitutes a slut? A woman who fucks a.) for money or b.) for reasons that aren't respectable.

I find prostitutes slutty. Fucking for money, to me, just is vile. There is no personal involvement in any part of it - the selection, the enjoyment, the aftermath. It's all for money. Sex, to me, shouldn't be a job. I know, sex is kind of my job right now. Actually, no, writing about sex is my job. Having sex is not my job. I have sex for my own personal enjoyment, and people who don't - people who rely on sex as a means to survive (and I'm talking like, willing prostitutes down on 34th and 11th, not sex slaves and runaway teens who are too young to have any idea what they're doing) just kind of skeeve me out. Strippers who offer "backroom" dances. I'm sorry, it just loses its meaning and control then. I advocate for women to own their sex lives - not sell them.

Women who fuck to get ahead. This goes along with money, but not just money. Women who fuck a guy because he HAS money. Because for every blowjob she gives him, she gets a new Louis Vuitton bag. Every time a guy is allowed to touch her boob, she gets a new car. This isn't owning your sexuality - it's exploiting it. You want to climb the social ladder? Get a job that allows you to do it. Don't use your vagina. I find women who use sex like this manipulative and compulsive. They don't like the sex - they like what they get in exchange for the sex.

So how am I different? Well, for one, I've never fucked for money.

"But Stef, you're going to get paid for your book, so aren't you fucking for money?"

Do you think when I was 18, wearing a short denim skirt from Hollister and a pooka shell necklace using my fake ID at Bentley's to drink beer with the lacrosse team and dance to Ciara, I was plotting ways of getting rich off of my one night stands? I'll answer it for you - NO. I never had sex to simply write about it. Even Puppet Actor. I had sex with him because to me, it was funny. To me, it was worth the story and the laugh. I never knew I would tell it to anyone other than my friends. It just became kind of relevant to the blog. I never hooked up with or dated any of the athletes I write about to make a buck off of them. I did everything I've ever done with any of them because I wanted to. Because I enjoyed it. Because I enjoyed the thrill, the sex, their bodies. I enjoyed being with them, laughing with them, laughing about them afterward. Some of those nights I've spent with certain athletes have been honestly, the greatest nights of my life. Do you think a prostitute can say that about anyone she's profited from?

I don't consider it slutty to sleep around. I just don't. If you're safe, and you're doing it because you want to - not because of money, or social status, or because someone ELSE wants you to, or thinks you should - I think women who fuck are usually old enough to know what they're doing. I've had a lot of sex in my life. It's always, always, been something I've wanted. I think. I mean, maybe I didn't really enjoy it half way through, or was like "oh my God what was I thinking" after. But I never slept with someone for any other reason other than in my mind, at that moment, it's what I wanted to do. I made my choices and I'm very happy with all of them.

If you still think I'm a slut, what the fuck can I say? I don't agree with you. I think being slutty means you have nothing else in your life other than sex. If your vagina fell off tomorrow, you'd basically have nothing to live for. That's not me. I love sex. It has been a huge part of my life. But so has education. And my family. And my friends. I graduated from college, I've been published, I'm involved in certain politics, I support good causes like Any Soldier and Red Cross. I take care of my body, and I have passion and ambition and drive. Sex is just one part of the life I've led. And if my vagina fell off tomorrow, outside of being terrible fucking terrified and probably bleeding to death, my life wouldn't be over. It's all about having a balance. A woman is no less of a great person if she fucks one guy or 740 guys. If the person who ends up curing AIDS happens to be a woman, would you think less of her achievement if you found out she had slept with 30 men? 40? 100? What does the number have to do with anything? It doesn't change who you are. I am not worse off for having fucked 26 guys. And if my number was 7, it wouldn't make me any different. It would simply give me fewer fucking stories to tell!

That's the point. Whether it's athletes or bankers or firemen or actors, whether the number is 1 or 10 or 50 or 100, it's not about that. It's about the choice and the decision and the motivation behind it all.


  1. I'm sorry but I'm sooooo tired of guys calling girls that sleep with whoever they want and have an actual sex life sluts. No one calls guys that are sleeping with different girls every night sluts. Fuck Ronnie!!

  2. hmmm, how about harlot? That's one that hasn't been used in a while :)

  3. I was going to say harlot... could always bring back tramp or promicuous

  4. Hi Stefanie, I heard you on the David Pakman show last week, and found my way onto the blog. I'm in my late 20s. I'm also in medicine, so please excuse my horrible writing skills. For what it's worth (not much because I'm just an anonymous dude, after all), I don't think you're a slut. I think the term is thrown around entirely too much in our society.
    For what it's worth though, I think your comments on prostitutes are most certainly uncalled for. I thought your comments came off as rather catty and seeking to separate yourself from that group of "undesirables." Prostitutes provide a valuable service to the community and if it weren't for these sluts (as you called them) slutting it up, some guys would never get laid. I realize that not every guy that patronizes a prostitute couldn't get laid otherwise. Some may have fetishes or some are married and are seeking an easy and discreet outlet for sex, but regardless, they do provide a valuable service.
    Your other category of slut encompassed women who fuck to get ahead. You can't have it both ways, Stefanie. You either have to accept the fact that it is okay for women to fuck to get ahead (even if it is for material goods), or you have to get off your now moderately- high horse and acknowledge that you're no different than they are. They're using guys for career opportunities, and you're using them for sex. They guys are probably using you for sex, too, but that's beside the point, because they aren't blogging about it.
    If you ask me, the term slut shouldn't even exist. You're right that there's an incredible double standard for female promiscuity vs. male promiscuity, but you're hardly the first person to mention it (David has mentioned it on his show before. I wish you the best of luck with your pursuits (pun intended), but I don't see a high likelihood of success with your given route, and I'll tell you why. Most men aren't going to be interested in buying an ebook to hear your stories about fucking other men. I'm sure they're more than happy to read your blog for free, but I don't see them shelling out $9.99 or whatever for the privilege.

  5. I see I ran out of character space in my previous posting, so it's continued here:

    Also, your story, while moderately interesting to someone like me without a background in it, is not very original. Those of us that have participated in athletics have known about the groupies for years. You may be one of the first to have a blog dedicated to it, but the fact that the blog doesn't involve high-level athletes is really going to hamper any success you might hope to achieve. Don't get me wrong, soccer is cool, but it's probably the 5th most popular sport in this country, and hockey and lacrosse are 4th and 7th. While fucking minor league baseball players does seem kind of hot I suppose, they're still minor league players.
    This blog kind of reminds me of Jessica Cutler's short-lived Washingtonienne -- with that one key difference. She fucked congresspeople and high-level lobbyists. She fucked power players. If you were fucking top NBA players or NFL quarterbacks, people would be a lot more interested, because you'd have the whole gossip aspect. Your refusal to give names, even, while probably a smart legal move, is going to doom your book to the minor- league levels of literary sales and success.
    The final nail in the coffin might be the fact that you're a woman. You're probably saying DUH, I'm a woman, but let me finish. Tucker Max is a guy. His books and stories are enjoyable because he is an amazing writer and because guys look up to other guys that are successful with women. No one can dispute that he has been incredibly successful at banging large amounts of attractive women. That said, you're a woman, and presumably have two legs with something working in between. You are far from hideous looking, but even if you were average, you'd still be able to have sex with lots of guys with minimal effort. This isn't news to you, obviously, but it should be noted, because girls can get laid with relative ease in our society. The reasons for this are too complicated to go into in a blog post but it's a fact, and that's why it's simply not as appealing as a guy to pay to read about a girl fucking lots of athletes. If you were Helen Keller and were doing this, then it would be a pretty awesome story, because you'd have overcome a lot in your quest to bed athletes, but as I sit here reading the blog posts, I find myself thinking that this is just decently well-written, very soft-core erotica.

    I see now that comments on your blog are moderated and that you have to approve them before they're posted. I obviously hope that you'll approve mine because I feel that it brings up some interesting topics for discussion, and might help drive some more permanent traffic to your blog as well if it encourages others to comment.

    I will probably keep reading the free blog (I have been reading a couple of old posts per day), but again, don't really see myself buying the book. Cheers.

  6. Ohhhh wow, lots ro read and 5 minutes to respond. Anon, I post every comment that gets on here, whether it's good or bad. I just made it moderated so people didn't spam the shit out of it.

    As for your opinion about prostitutes, I entirely disagree. Possibly because they frequent my bar a lot and I see how they operate, but I find that women who get paid for sex lose control of their own sex life because it's being put up (albeit willingly) for money. Like I said, to me that isn't owning your sex life - it's selling it to the highest bidder. I just don't think sex should be used as a commodity like that.

    As for the women who fuck to get ahead,I never said it wasn't okay - people can do whatever they please if it's not hurting anyone. I was simply answering the question of what I thought was slutty. I think women who use sex as a bartering chip or a form of exploitation are having sex for the wrong reasons. Again, just what I happen to think is slutty, but to each their own.

    Next, I'm not even going to get into your opinions about whether the book will sell or not. I have my own reasons to believe it will, and if it doesn't, hey, that's my problem not yours. You don't want to buy the book, totally cool. But I think if you read through the blog and if you ever did read the book, you'd see your opinion of "how easy it is for women to get laid" isn't so on target. And what goes into a lot of this shit. The thought process and feelings. The athletes, to me, are a side note. And trust me, the no name dropping, isn't just for legal purposes.

    Again, too much to get into, but thanks for your opines.