First off, I am so fucking tired of the word slut. It has been part of my every day vernacular for the last three months, and not by choice. Between the e-mails, and the ghetto anonymous printouts left on my family member's cars, and the comments on different sites and the Youtube video and the Brobible article, I'm so fucking tired of it. Not that it bothers me. I don't mean it like that. But it's just so fucking overplayed and TIRED. Seriously, get a goddamn thesaurus and find a better word for slut. It means nothing anymore. It's like calling someone glib. It just holds no weight whatsoever. It's unoriginal and obsolete and I will seriously give major credit to the first person who comes up with a replacement word for slut. I'm simply BORED of the word slut.
Second, since the wonderful people who continue to call me a slut are more than likely going to be unable to find a better word to express their ridiculous disdain for a chick they've never met because they are retarded, I'll humor it and move forward. What do I think constitutes a slut? A woman who fucks a.) for money or b.) for reasons that aren't respectable.
I find prostitutes slutty. Fucking for money, to me, just is vile. There is no personal involvement in any part of it - the selection, the enjoyment, the aftermath. It's all for money. Sex, to me, shouldn't be a job. I know, sex is kind of my job right now. Actually, no, writing about sex is my job. Having sex is not my job. I have sex for my own personal enjoyment, and people who don't - people who rely on sex as a means to survive (and I'm talking like, willing prostitutes down on 34th and 11th, not sex slaves and runaway teens who are too young to have any idea what they're doing) just kind of skeeve me out. Strippers who offer "backroom" dances. I'm sorry, it just loses its meaning and control then. I advocate for women to own their sex lives - not sell them.
Women who fuck to get ahead. This goes along with money, but not just money. Women who fuck a guy because he HAS money. Because for every blowjob she gives him, she gets a new Louis Vuitton bag. Every time a guy is allowed to touch her boob, she gets a new car. This isn't owning your sexuality - it's exploiting it. You want to climb the social ladder? Get a job that allows you to do it. Don't use your vagina. I find women who use sex like this manipulative and compulsive. They don't like the sex - they like what they get in exchange for the sex.
So how am I different? Well, for one, I've never fucked for money.
"But Stef, you're going to get paid for your book, so aren't you fucking for money?"
Do you think when I was 18, wearing a short denim skirt from Hollister and a pooka shell necklace using my fake ID at Bentley's to drink beer with the lacrosse team and dance to Ciara, I was plotting ways of getting rich off of my one night stands? I'll answer it for you - NO. I never had sex to simply write about it. Even Puppet Actor. I had sex with him because to me, it was funny. To me, it was worth the story and the laugh. I never knew I would tell it to anyone other than my friends. It just became kind of relevant to the blog. I never hooked up with or dated any of the athletes I write about to make a buck off of them. I did everything I've ever done with any of them because I wanted to. Because I enjoyed it. Because I enjoyed the thrill, the sex, their bodies. I enjoyed being with them, laughing with them, laughing about them afterward. Some of those nights I've spent with certain athletes have been honestly, the greatest nights of my life. Do you think a prostitute can say that about anyone she's profited from?
I don't consider it slutty to sleep around. I just don't. If you're safe, and you're doing it because you want to - not because of money, or social status, or because someone ELSE wants you to, or thinks you should - I think women who fuck are usually old enough to know what they're doing. I've had a lot of sex in my life. It's always, always, been something I've wanted. I think. I mean, maybe I didn't really enjoy it half way through, or was like "oh my God what was I thinking" after. But I never slept with someone for any other reason other than in my mind, at that moment, it's what I wanted to do. I made my choices and I'm very happy with all of them.
If you still think I'm a slut, what the fuck can I say? I don't agree with you. I think being slutty means you have nothing else in your life other than sex. If your vagina fell off tomorrow, you'd basically have nothing to live for. That's not me. I love sex. It has been a huge part of my life. But so has education. And my family. And my friends. I graduated from college, I've been published, I'm involved in certain politics, I support good causes like Any Soldier and Red Cross. I take care of my body, and I have passion and ambition and drive. Sex is just one part of the life I've led. And if my vagina fell off tomorrow, outside of being terrible fucking terrified and probably bleeding to death, my life wouldn't be over. It's all about having a balance. A woman is no less of a great person if she fucks one guy or 740 guys. If the person who ends up curing AIDS happens to be a woman, would you think less of her achievement if you found out she had slept with 30 men? 40? 100? What does the number have to do with anything? It doesn't change who you are. I am not worse off for having fucked 26 guys. And if my number was 7, it wouldn't make me any different. It would simply give me fewer fucking stories to tell!
That's the point. Whether it's athletes or bankers or firemen or actors, whether the number is 1 or 10 or 50 or 100, it's not about that. It's about the choice and the decision and the motivation behind it all.