Monday, March 14, 2011

Bets on Posh giving birth to an actual stick figure?


Victoria "Posh" Beckham is expecting her forth child with football husband and high pitched voice men's hero of the century, David Beckham. Congrats to them, I think. They seem to have done an okay job with the three boys, so it's not like Christina Aguilera will be raising the kid.

A little catch up on Beck's and his Bosnian hooker story. Back in January (I know I'm way late on this shit) he filed a five-page court document refuting claims by Irma Nici (sounds like a type of fortune cookie) that Beck's paid $6k a night to get his fuck on with this prostitute who's left tit weighs more than his wife's whole body. In it, he basically tries to shoot down every instance she claims they were banging. In one, he claims he was with his team (LA Galaxy) at the Waldorf-Astoria for an away game and when he arrived he booked a deep tissue massage that lasted "into the early morning hours". He also claims his security team was with him.

In another instance, she claims he was with her in London, and he claims he was with his dad, Ted (adorable that Beck's dad's name is Ted) and then at his Hertfordshire house again with his security team. And then I think the third time when she claimed he was in New York and requesting her but she was in London, he has shown evidence that he was not in New York at the time.

Okay, a couple of things. I do believe, at one point or another, this dude has banged women who are NOT Posh Beckham while MARRIED to Posh Beckham. From my uh, experience with pro-soccer dudes, fidelity is something that is very limited and fleeting. Becks was married young, hot as shit, and if he keeps his mouth shut during sex I'd totally have gone there. Do I think he banged Irma Nici? I honestly don't know, which is a point for Becks in this sitch because if I can't honestly throw the probability toward Irma in the case of a soccer player cheating on his wife, it probably means it didn't happen.

I'll start with the stupid arguments. One, if Posh is any indication of what Becks is into, Irma doesn't fit the mold. Literally. I've noticed that dudes tend to cheat with girls that are similar in certain ways. If their wife has dark hair, they go with dark hair. If their girlfriends have blonde hair and small boobs, blonde hair and small boobs gets the adultery. In every instance of cheat I can think of knowing about or being partial to (never with a married man, let me remind), it's always been a girl who looks similar to the other girl in some way.

Irma Nici is a lot of things. Attractive, in my opinion, she is not. She reminds me of a muppet, and her eyebrows scream Chola. She does NOT have a good body in my opinion, and David Beckham, to me, comes off as a snob. A lot of soccer players I know bang based on bodies. And are attracted based on bodies. Soccer hottie LOVES my body. So coming from Posh, who is currently 5 months pregnant and thinner than Kate Bosworth, I can't see him suddenly wanting to bang big chicks. He's into image. He does the modeling and so does Posh. I don't think this is a guy who is pining to get with let's say to be nice, more "normal" chicks. Tiger Woods gave up the hotness that is his ex-wife to bang 2 dollar hookers with even cheaper boob jobs, but I think that had to do with his lack of self confidence and the fact that he looks like Obama had a love child with the guy that works at Best Buy. I think Becks is a little bit more...uh...particular, simply because he can be. I don't know many women, if any at all in fact, who would hook up with Tiger Woods if his name were John Smith and he worked for Cable Vision. He's not at all attractive. Becks would still get pussy if he were picking the goose shit off the fields as a living. So if nothing else, I think he'd have better taste in hookers. This bitch is ROUND.

Second, this could have been kept rather private in terms of court filings and what not. I feel like dudes who cheat and don't get caught (David in his early years), who then get blamed for affairs that DIDN'T happen, are very avid to get that removed from their realm of stigma. If you got away with cheat for say, the first three years of your marriage (basing it on his age and the kids and shit), and in your 11th year your suddenly getting slammed with untrue accusations, wouldn't you b pissed? Like, you got away with the real thing and now some bitch is all up in your grill? That's how Beck's is coming off to me.

As for the proof he gave. Okay, the only thing that is making me question his alibi is a.) the deep tissue massage until early hours of the morning story and b.) the LA galaxy stay at the Waldorf-Astoria? Are you fucking kidding me? When I went to go visit a friend who played fro FC Dallas when he played the Redbulls they had him in Jersey.

Deep tissue massage from like, 10PM until 3AM? I've never gotten one, I bruise easily, do those things last that long? I mean, that sounds a little shady to me. I'd be willing to put speculations aside if he could provide a receipt or something marked into the hotel bill for LA.

I also find the security team excuse a little shady as well. He acts like they're his moral key keepers. I'm sure if David Beckham wanted to fuck a lady who is not Posh, the security team wouldn't have fuck to say about it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they are required to keep quiet in order to keep jobs. So this whole "THEY WERE WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME" is no better an excuse to me than if I thought my boyfriend in college cheated (and God knows I thought that on many occasions, stupid flirt) and his excuse was "I was with Dan (his best friend) the whole time!" Like Dan is going to up and tell me my ex cheated on me? Come on dude, the rules of bro are not very different from the rules of bitch.

I don't know though. Maybe this baby is a makeup baby to Posh? Sorry I fucked Oscar the Grouce's twin, let's make a little girl so she can have a better wardrobe than 2/3 the female American population by the time she's 4. I would prefer diamonds and a very big vacation to a child (I would actually prefer public castration, Fox 5 News is invited to the event), but that's me and I hate babies. She already has three so it's not like one more will suddenly ruin her body.

So I don't know how I feel about whether I think Beck's cheated on Posh with Nici. too many four lettered names there. But like I said, I think the fact that I can't just say "of course he banged her" says a lot in Beck's favor, given my position on athletes in general. I think this picture of the chick in question says a lot. Like I said, I just feel like Becks is too snobby for this kind of trashy. First off, bitch needs to buy either a thong or some seemless panties from Victoria Secret, because the hip hugger things she has going on were NOT MADE FOR LEATHER, particularly leather that looks to be a size or two too small. Second, he hair looks like a dark version of Britney Spears' worst weave. third, she doesn't even have nice tits. They remind me of Scarlett Johannsson's, like, the pointing high up missel type of tits. If you're going to try to work the sexy angle, this is not it bitch. 2 points to Becks and Posh in this one.

2 comments:

  1. Pretty sure the Galaxy stay in the W Hotel in Hoboken when they play the NYRB. Not saying that they've stayed there EVERY time, but usually that's where they are. He'd have to be pretty stupid to lie about something like that in legal docs.

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  2. i say he done it-well i am at a 65/35 chance he did it-she's a different EVERYTHING compared to posh.that could have been what he was looking for

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