Friday, March 11, 2011

Chasing the Jersey - In Your In-Laws House?

A lot of the shit I get for being a so-called jersey chaser comes from the fact that people assume "jersey chaser" and "gold digger" are interchangeable, synonymous with one another. FALSE. I know gold diggers my friends, and I am too fucking modest to be one. TRUE, STORY, I know it's hard to believe I'd be modest about anything since I have no problem sending pictures of my cootch to boys over in other countries (I'm really sleepy so this should be a good post ha). But ask any guy who has gone out with me on an actual date. I fight tooth and nail, legitimately, to not be paid for. I had a very well-off ex boyfriend and I never asked him to pay for shit. And when he did, I felt guilty, which was ridiculous because I was making 2200 a month at a job I hated and he'd be all like "let me just transfer 50k into my checking account".

So no, there are loads of jersey chasers like myself who aren't in it for the money. I'm in it for the sex, good bodies, hot faces, funny stories and free tickets to sporting events. Those are my motives right there. Print that shit up. I mean, honestly, when you live with a dude in the minor leagues for baseball, who are basically living worse off then their NCAA counterparts, you start to think "I hope I really love this person". In my case, it was "I really love this sport". Whatever. I loved something, that's the important part.

So I have to wonder how I'd feel if I married a dude who looked like this:

and made upwards of $400k a year working roughly 6+ months out of the year, and he suggest we move in with his parents. Because that's what Matt Slauson of the NY Jets did.

I mean, I can think of one set of parents of guys I've dated who legitimately didn't like me. I was 16, so it wasn't like it was that big of a deal because this is New York, not Kansas, and we don't get married at 16. The other couple of serious boyfriends I had, I liked their parents. Would I want to live with them? Um. No.

I can appreciate the fact that this guy gets the reality of the world. That he isn't so up onhimself or his job that he's thinking "I'm invincible and nothing bad will ever happen to me". Something tells me he's been watching a lot of Kendra on E! and see Hank Baskett, who is less round than him, having issues sticking with one team, and he's going "oh fuck, I don't have a reality show to cover my expenses". Don't lie, this dude totally looks like he watched Kendra. And Keeping up with the Kardashians. And Basketball Wives. Duh.

So yeah, I can appreciate the fact that he's trying to like, be safe and shit, particularly with the NFL's season in jeopardy for next year because of the potential and apparently looming lockout. But there are other ways of doing that, aren't there? Like, I don't know, not living beyond you're means? If you're making $400k a year, and your wife is even making let's lowball it at $50k, $450k you could live comfortably on Long Island. Houses in my town go from anywhere between $660 (kind of the shittier ones) to upward of $5.5 mil. My mom and I make way fucking less than $450k, I can tell you that much, and we have a very nice house with a great piece of property, two cars, and we travel often. I mean, isn't it all about like investing well and not thinking "okay, I make $400k, I'm going to spend $150k on a Vegas vacation with strippers for four nights"? I feel like I could live very, very comfortably and happily if I made that kind of money. And even if I lost my job, I could make that shit last. Bartenders know how to scrimp, trust me. I buy my shoes on e-bay. $20 bucks. People ask me if they're Gucci. No, they're....."Delicious." Always a proud moment.

I don't know. I just feel like there are better ways to be conservative about your NFL contract money other than moving back in with mom and dad. I moved home a.) because I didn't want to live paycheck to paycheck and b.) my mom could use some help with the house. I get it. I don't judge. But married with a kid playing for the NFL? I feel like there is a VAST difference between me - a bartender/cocktail waitress - and a guy who started all 16 games for the NY Jets last year. JUST SAYING.

PS, something that scares the shit out of me...if Harvard Dbag gained like...45lbs...they could be twins. Annnnnd I'm ashamed.

1 comment:

  1. Totally off-topic but color me PISSED at the frickin owners. Decertification today. UGH. I am so mad and I firmly on the side of the NFLPA in this dispute. Greedy bastard owners.

    Thanks for letting me rant. Now, on to your regularly scheduled programming. : )