Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Chasing the Jersey - Time to Find a New Game

I hate reading Perez Hilton, because since his apparent run-in with Jennifer Anniston where she asked him "why are you so mean?" he found God or something and all he does is tell everyone they look great. Like, you know that scene in Mean Girls where Regina George tells the chick with the plaid skirt she loves it and is all super sweet and then says "that is the ugliest effing skirt I have ever seen in my life"? That's what Perez Hilton has turned into, without the comic releif of Rachel McAdams. And seriously, who the fuck wants to read "upbeat" gossip? Give me a fucking break.

Regardless of my own rants, yes, I do read Perez Hilton, and as such, came upon this quote from Eva Longoria about her divorce from basketball ex-husband and worst teammate of the year award recipient Tony Parker:

"It's been—every time I talk about it, I want to cry. It's been hard. Very hard. I'm just trying to get through it as gracefully as possible without any drama. I'm kind of having to find new patterns because I'm not used to having—I'm used to always being on a plane and flying to a basketball game. I'm in a transition stage, settling into a new routine. And I welcome it."

For anyone who has ever seriously dated an athlete, while you might hate Eva (and I actually don't) don't even fuck around and say you don't get it. I get it. And if I fucking get it, and I don't really have a heart (or a brain at times), you get it.

Dating an athlete is all about routines. And routines that revolve around a life that isn't yours. Even when I dated my ex laxer, and that shit was like, limited NCAA, it was a fucking lifestyle. Diets. And curfews. And road trips. And bad losses. And good wins. And practices. And did I mention diets? Diets.

I had such an unbelievable routine with his athletic career that I barely had a life of my own my senior year of college. And I'm not complaining, at all. I loved every minute of it. I'm a fucking jersey chaser, hello, have you been reading this blog for the last four months? Christ.

Don't even get me started with baseball, either. I lived, breathed, ate, slept, and fucked through pain for that sport. I spent more time in my car or on a plane going to minor league games than I did collectively going to class all four years of Maryland. When that shit was over, I remember thinking "Jet Blue is going to fucking go out of business and so is BP". Eva is right - you get into a pattern with athletes that in my opinion, is different than non-athletes. Because it's an uneven balance. Most relationships, though I'm sure not all, are kind of an equal give and take of both people's lives. But with athletes, it's more of a take. I signed up for that, so again, I'm not complaining. I'm a typical fucking pisces and will give everything I have until I go bankrupt or crazy. I like that kind of shit, which is why I always made a good girlfriend to athletes. I was willing to give up parts of my life to cater to the rigidness of certain parts of theirs. I gave up spring break with my friends to go to Spring Training. I gave up Maryland lacrosse senior year (in presence not in spirit) to go watch lacrosse at my ex's college. I failed French (true story) to fucking go visit him every weekend. And I am not the only one to do it.

I think that's why I have such an aversion to dudes who aren't athletes. I'm used to the routines of that kind of shit. The practices and the injuries and the write ups and the rumors and the trades and the releases and the big wins and the God awful losses. Dudes without all that baggage are just so much less...interesting to me. The only time I probably would have done well dating a financial guy is when the economy sucked balls in 2008 and people were like, dying. Then, I would have totally been good with it. But otherwise, it's just so boring.

I feel for Eva. She was with Tony a while, and that's a tough cycle to break. You go through hating the team, hating the sport, turning the channel as quickly as you can when a game is on to avoid remembering. You get rid of jerseys and pray for playoff fails and injuries. It sucks. But you move on. And if I can find a bangin' new athlete to fuck around and have a good time with (NHLer, Soccer hottie, Soccer kid, etc.) something tells me Miss Eva won't have issues. Basketball is way lame. I hope she goes for hockey next.

No comments:

Post a Comment