Saturday, March 26, 2011

Cyber Stalking at it's finest

A lot of hits from the blog the last three days have been in regards to Nick Schommer, which I find hilarious because I still have a mega crush on him. He is entirely, totally aware of it at this point, and I can't figure out if he's kind of flattered and intrigued, if he thinks it's kind of funny and endearing, or if he's like, 7 seconds away from making it so I can't so much as fly over Tennessee in the next ten years via restraining orders.

I go through athlete crushes on a daily basis - Karl Haglin was a great one not too long ago, as was John Hester. Schommer, despite totally ignoring my advances and me claiming defeat on numerous occasions with him, has been a constant one though. Not to mention his brother has been a terribly good sport about humoring me with the whole thing. But yeah, something about NS keeps me coming back (and humiliating myself further).

He could be a total dbag for all I know. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't find him insanely attractive, and since I've overlooked dbag behavior in light of physical bangableness in almost all athletes I've dated/hooked up with, there would be noooo problem on this one. It's much, much better to be able to keep your eyes open during sex and in your mind just pretend he's got the personality of the coolest person you know when he really doesn't than it is to close your eyes to avoid the looks and body when he has a great personality. Does that make sense? Probably not but I'm tired so fuck off. Basically, for fuck purposes alone, it's so much better to have a physical thing than a "we connect on a higher level" thing. I wish a guy could tell me the last time he got hard from a girl's personality. Guess what fucker, it's not like I have lower standards when it comes to a turn on. "It's all about personality" my ass. Try fucking a good personality. IT DOESN'T WORK.

ANYWAY..rant over, let's continue.

But I secretly hope he isn't a dbag, because for some reason I have a thing for this dude whom I have never met (or heard speak even - I did a post about how I think he might have a southern accent once. I'm totally not a psychopath, I swear). Like, I remember the first time I met Derek Jeter (and no, I'm really not putting Nick Schommer on Derek Jeter's level, it's just an example you fuckers), I was so nervous that I'd end up hating him because he would turn out to be a huge dick. He didn't, thank God, so my absolute blind faith in everything DJ says and does remained unwavering, but I really wanted him to be a good guy. I think I really want Nick Schommer to be a good guy. Mainly, because if he's a good guy he'll take pity on me and NOT call the FBI.

I wish someone had more deets on this kid. I'm getting to a point where it feels borderline inappropriate asking his brother what size shoes NS wears (that didn't happen, but thinking out loud it'd be a really fucking funny message, right?). I hate liking an athlete purely on looks alone. Actually, that's a lie. Total lie. What the fuck? Why did I just say that? I don't know. But I kind of don't like harping on his looks alone. Can't someone tell me a story about how he's like, a really good guy who works at soup kitchens on Christmas or something? Or better yet, tell me how he's a funny fucker who makes a lot of dirty jokes and drinks heavily but isn't an asshole drunk. THAT would actually make him way more attractive to me than Christian humanitarian work. Because clearly, I have priorities.

UGH, Nick Schommer, get hit in the face with a football Marsha Brady style and be ugly so I stop wanting to bang you. You're frustrating.

(Why do I feel like this is a "funny while you're tired" post that makes me look crazier than normal? Oh well.)

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