Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Good Point

If any of you happened to catch me on David Pakman's show, he brought up a point I don't think I've ever addressed. A lot of people say I am doing a disservice to women, that I'm helping "objectify" them.

I totally and absolutely disagree.

Why, when women mention ANYTHING about enjoying sex, does it suddenly become objectification? I don't understand. Men can talk about fucking women all day long and their sex lives and there is no moral issue here. Women, like myself, mention the fact that we have sex and suddenly I'm objectifying women, making them sexual objects? Fuck off.

Women have sex. Women enjoy sex. Women laugh about sex. Not all of them (I think we all remember the Cookbook Lady), obviously. I don't understand what's so bad about admitting that? Or supporting it? Dudes who write about fucking women - they objectify women, and I don't hate them for it, but THEY objectify women. How do I objectify women? If anything, I objectify men because I fuck dudes, not ladies.

That's always been the big thing here. Don't talk about it. Don't laugh about it. Don't admit it. Don't mention it. If you've had sex with X number of people, you're a slut, regardless of your motivations or any other trait you have. That's what I'm being told by a lot of people. I'm trying to gain a little headway for women who like to have sex who aren't prostitutes to be able to find some middle fucking ground. To be able to have a sex life they're proud of and not ashamed of, and somehow I'm doing a disservice for women? I'm trying to prove you can be smart and educated and witty and safe (and totally modest too, clearly) and still like to bang. That you don't have to be a frigid bitch with no sense of humor and a steal bear trap of a vagina to be respected in the world. I don't understand how that's a bad thing?

Objectifying women. Give me a fucking break. I stand up for the fact that sleeping with multiple guys doesn't take away from any other good trait a woman might have. That having a healthy and active sex life doesn't make you less of a hard worker, or driven person, or accomplished human being. That being able to view your sex life with pride rather than humiliation and shame doesn't have to ruin your life or your reputation.

People who want to put women on a pedistal of virgin purity are the ones setting not only an often times unattainable standard, but a selfish, pointless one as well. I'm supposed to not get laid because of what your opinion of me might be? Right. And who are you again? That's what I thought. If I want to fuck my way through ten teams (I'm getting too old for that kind of ambition), it doesn't take away from the person I am. I'm doing a disservice to the bullshit women of the world who want to uphold this feminine value of chastity. Sorry, but those are women who haven't has good sex yet. Have good sex and then tell me you want to miss opportunities to have it. You won't.

No, I don't think I'm doing a disservice to women. I think I'm doing a good thing for me and a good thing for women who are constantly being branded "slut" or looked down upon for no other reason than a number, or a lack of shame for the sex they have. Women can be a million different things. But they shouldn't have to give up their sex life - or at the very least, hide it and be ashamed of it - to get there.


  1. Dude clearly hasn't read your blog-or his staffer came up with this "question" without reading your blog. In no way, do I think you could be accused of "objectifying women." If you did, I probably wouldn't be here. I think of "objectifying women" as treating women as though they serve no purpose other than as sex objects, which is not what this blog's about. Like you said, if anyone's being "objectified" it's the male athletes (or other randoms). I think it's strange that so many people complicate sex, which I think of as one of the most basic, fundamental acts. Both men and women are guilty of this...

  2. The "objectifying women" line is so old, and is the "go to" attack when a woman displays any type of sexuality. It's sad that even in 2011 we still have to endure these Victorian-era standards.

    More power to you Steph!

  3. Courtney - David didn't come out and say I was objectifying women, he said comments he's seen sometimes say that.

    Kimberly, I totally agree (and thanks :)).

    Have you guys heard of Pat Dollard? I just found a post he did about me (that he linked from my Sportsgrid article) a while ago. Title: "First account whore". Witty, no? I hope when I send care packages overseas he doesn't benefit from them. Fucker. That's what I don't get - this dude ripped me apart (as did all his blog supporters with great one liners about being a slut and having STDs), meanwhile he has no idea that I do shit like spend 200 bucks a month to send care packages to the "young americans" he defends. It's so fucking absurd that a woman can't have an active and healthy sex life (with ANYONE, be they athletes or anyone) and still be a good person in the eyes of so many people.

  4. I'm late to the party but have only stumbled across this blog recently. I see all females responded here. I'd like to add one XY POV here:

    The answer to the objectification question has qualified "yes" and "no" components in my opinion.

    There is a qualified "yes" answer to this in that there are males that already objectify women and your actions may well reinforce that mindset. This is an observation, not a criticism.

    But for most men I would say "no". It isn't as if a guy who has a girlfriend or wife whom he loves and respects is all of a sudden going to start treating her solely as a sex object simply because some other woman has a varied and active sex life without the typical committed relationship that is considered "acceptable" or "traditional." If so, everything would have went completely to shit long before now and a lot more guys would be sitting in prison. Porn is attacked on this all the time and I think those claims are largely spurious as well. There are potential exceptions in the gonzo arena but that all comes down to each viewer's subjective mindset and I wouldn't want to even try to guess as to the breadth of the impact. I suspect that world attracts a significant number of folks predisposed to view women unfavorably to start.

    To restate and summarize, I believe your lifestyle and its depiction at worst reinforces attitudes that already exist in people who have issues with their view of women anyway and that males who do not have a sex-object-only view of women (regardless of what they think of your actions) are not going to change their attitude towards women in general. So in either case nothing really changes.

    A nasty divorce OTOH .... :) (and I'm only partially joking)