Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Ideal Jersey

I had a really great question in my e-mail on Friday from Sadie and I'm only getting around to answering it tonight. It made me really think about the whole jersey chasing process and where I've been the last couple of years with athletes.

She asked me if I could build my ideal athlete, who would it be?

I don't know if she's asking who specifically, as in an actual player, but I'm taking it as a "build your own" type of question. Mainly because there isn't one specific athlete I can think of that has every single quality I'd love in a guy. I know no one is perfect - but when it comes to dating, there's a reason I stick to fuckery only most of the time.

If I had to pick a sport, it'd be hockey. I love baseball, but life with my ex baller was too hard, too unsure. And the season is just so fucking long. 162 games, it's a lot. Road series especially. So hockey takes the dream athlete spot. I love hockey, and there are so many hockey towns I'd be willing to live in - starting with New York. Chicago, Toronto, Vancouver, Boston, Nashville. That's a sport I'd travel for.

Looks wise, I'm pretty open ended but I always prefer dark hair. There's a reason I'm so hung up on Nick Schommer. My friends know why. He looks very, very much like someone I dated. And most guys who I tend to think seriously about have a very similar look. So yes Nick Schommer, I'm thinking seriously about you (not wanting to call the cops on me). Height? I'd ideally take anyone six foot and above.

Personality wise, if I could break the cheating and the flirting out of it, Soccer Hottie's personality on Nick Schommer's hockey playing face, would be outstanding. There is something about Soccer Hottie's personality I will always, always fucking love. Every time I chill with him, it's like being on the world's greatest first date. And once you get past his "I'm so hot" fucking attitude, there's a lot of modesty there. I can appreciate that.

As big of a dbag as he turned out to be, Soccer Kid's ambition was also a big draw. I have a sick admiration for guys who work their asses off. My NHLer was one of the hardest working people I had ever met. He busted his ass to get where he is in hockey today, which is currently the face of his team. How he worked his way up from the ECHL was mildly inspiring. I loved talking to him about hockey because he was so smart and read the game so well. He was borderline retarded in every other aspect of life, but hockey he was like weirdly brilliant. So that kind of dedication to me makes up for a lack of college education and all that petty bullshit.

I can deal with a little jealousy. I don't think I could deal with cheating. That knocks out like, half the athletes I've fucked around with. But I mean, if we're building perfect, let's be a daydreamer right?

So, basically, what we end up with is a 6'2", hockey playing Nick Schommer who would never cheat, works his ass off to be better at the game, and is a modest, laid back guy. Wow, my standards are so low, it's shocking that I'm single, right?

Uh, also, just throwing it out there, Nick Schommer, I'd still date you even though you don't play hockey and you're not 6'2". I'd totally slum it for you, so, if you want, I'd consider making an exception. I don't know many women willing to lower their perfect athlete standards, soooo, maybe you should consider taking up this once in a lifetime opportunity and cancel that restraining order. Just saying...


  1. Hey Stef! I don't know if you posted this before, but how did you meet Soccer Kid??? I remember how you said you met a lot of the baseball players and Soccer Hottie, but not Soccer Kid.

    P.S. - Did you make it to the Argentina game??? That Agudelo kid has his future made with Bob Bradley...2nd cap, 2nd goal.

  2. You see these:

  3. Holy hot legs, Batman...good to hear the book is finally coming out. Congrats!