Thursday, March 17, 2011


One of the single worst "lines" I have gotten in 2.5 years of working at my bar/living in New York/being a woman.

A guy came up to me tonight, interrupted me mid conversation to say this:

"My friend over here is very shy, so why don't you come over and introduce yourself to him and say hi."

Let me explain something to all people who ever go into a bar. Whether I'm cocktail waitressing, bartending, or checking the God damn coats at the door, I am not a fucking escort. I am not getting paid to "entertain" you. I'm getting paid to pour you well vodka and say it's Kettle. I'm getting paid to give you your beers so you don't have to get up and walk four feet to the bar and wait. I am not there to flirt with your loser friends - this one of whom looked like he stepped straight out of his high school home coming dance with sport coat and too-tight khakis - or introduce myself to anyone I have no interest in introducing myself to. You want women to pretend to like you? Go to a fucking strip club.

I obviously don't go over. The guy tries to call me over again, to which I put my finger up, mouthed "one minute" and turned around pretending to do something.

At the end of the night he comes up to me as I'm playing Angry Birds (it was slow). He puts his hand out and goes "you missed an opportunity tonight." To which I look at him like he has three heads, having no fucking idea what he's talking about.

"James Dolan," he said, and I shake his hand, still looking at him like what the fuck are you talking about?

"You don't recognize the name?" he said.

"Garden City?" I asked, thinking maybe it's someone from my hometown.

"Owner, Cablevision," he said.

"Oh," I look at him perplexed. This dude is not James Dolan.

"My ex-boyfriend was from Oyster Bay Cove. I went to the Dolan's house for fireworks when I was 17. You are not James Dolan."

"You could have been a very rich girl," he said as he ignored my comment and hustled out the door. "We invited you to come chat but you blew us off."

"I'm trying to achieve that on my own, thanks," I said.

Let's just break this down. A.) Dude was not James Dolan. I even Googled him to make extra sure he didn't have a son or something. No. So you're lying about being James Dolan. Which doesn't impress me a.) because money doesn't impress me b.) I didn't know who that was by name and c.) I've already partied with the Dolans. When I was 17.

B.) You're lying about being someone to try to piss off a girl for NOT being interested in talking to your 5'5", 21-year old looking friend who looks like the uglier version of Blaine from Glee. Really? Your pride took that much of a hit when a girl turned you down that you try to "insult her" by LYING ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?

Missed an opportunity, Jesus Christ people. Men of the world, please, don't assume that just because I work in a bar, I'm retarded. Or sleep with men for money. Or am impressed enough BY your money that I will overlook the fact that you suck as a person. I hope that fucker comes back in so I can call him out on his absolute bullshit. Seriously, JAMES DOLAN? What a fucking loser, my God. I really need to make a profit off this fucking book so I can get the fuck out of this job and away from these dbag bankers.

Sorry, just needed to rant about that...

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