Thursday, April 7, 2011


I follow a lot of LGBT blogs. I love the gays. I am pro LGBT everything - marriage, adoption, divorce, the repeal of DADT. My best friend (and the closest thing I have to a brother) is gay, which is why I am the way I am. Well, no, I think even if Karl wasn't in my life, I'd still have common sense and you know, the vaguest acceptance of reality. But either way, Karl is gay. And when people are mean to Karl, whether directly or indirectly, I get pissed.

There's this Catholic group called NOM (National Organization for Marriage). All I can think of when I read their shit is that website Cani I has a Cheeseburger where all the pictures of cats say NOM NOM NOM NOM when they're eating shit. But NOM is not as cute or funny. NOM is pretty fucking biggoted and more importantly, retarded. Like, I'll give credit when someone who is anti-LGBT a.) comes up with like, an almost halfway decent argument as to why they're assholes or b.) simply outright admits they just don't like gay people instead of sugar coating it with "gays and change" and "jesus hates the sin but loves the sinner" bullshit.

NOM doesn't fall into either of those two categories. And yesterday, NOM's matriarch, Maggie Gallagher, had this to say about writer Dan Savage (who is starting a show on MTV called Savage U regarding sex and relationship advice. Think Loveline for 2011 sans Dr. Drew).

"There was a thoughtful analysis of [Savage's] sexual ethics in theWashington Monthly recently, for folks who want to get a taste of what he writes. The essay, by a Lutheran Minister, ends by pointing out where Savage ethics lead. A young man, in love with his girlfriend, with whom he has had a rather open and satisfying sexual relationship, but is tempted by more "sexual variety" asks how he can ask for that without ruining his relationship, which he values. Savage, who for all his experience, does not know what women are like, advises him to tell her openly and honestly what he wants, because otherwise the young man will just cheat on her.

The Lutheran minister, wiser in the ways of men and women, suggests that this young man is going to get pretty lonely looking for another woman able to give him all this young woman does--and who doesn't mind his playing around on the side. The possibility of taming one's sexual desire for the sake of another, or of a vow, is not in the Savage moral imagination. Libido will have out, and honesty about that is the best policy. He brings, in other words, the best of gay sexual ethics and experience to a straight audience, with potentially disastrous result."

So basically, Mags is saying not only is Dan not qualified to give sex/relationship advice to straight people because he doesn't "know women" because he's gay, but that Dan, who believes in promoting honesty and openness in a relationship, is encouraging disastrous behavior that will make it so everyone cheats on everyone.

Dan had a great rebuttal which can be found here.

Here's a small excerpt.

"And aren't you a practicing Catholic? Not knowing what women are like (or taste like) has never stopped the Pope from offering his unsolicited advice to women—no birth control, no abortions, no oral, no anal, no handjobs—and it's hypocritical of you to suggest that I'm not qualified to advise women, since I won't fuck 'em, without first telling that old fag in Rome to STFU already."

I agree 150% with Dan. Look, I write 99% about sex. I've had a lot of sex in my life. Well, a fair amount. I've done a lot of weird shit, crazy shit, kinky shit, and is this legal shit. I've been in a few serious relationships in my life. And what I've learned from my experiences is this - no one wants to date or marry the Virgin Mary. A lot of people uphold the idea of purity, missionary only, one man one woman, vaginal sex. Wanna know why so many pastors, ministers, and Christians cheat? Because needs aren't being met at home. Because people are being told that they shouldn't want "weird" sex. "Unnatural" sex. So that thought about anal sex? Don't talk about it. Even with your girlfriend. Or wife. That thought about light S&M? Ignore it. Fantasies? Keep them to yourself and then pray about it.

Maggie, NOM, and other like-minded groups want to ignore biology. And reality. The reality is, everyone has their own likes and dislikes in the bedroom. You can sit there and pretend you don't, but you're lying. And it's sad. Sex is actually something that's very hard to get sometimes. I remember Dan Casey saying this to me the first time we met:

"It sucks for girls. Guys almost always get off from sex. Sex is never "bad" for guys. But the girls have it a lot harder and unless a guy knows what he's doing and cares, it can go really bad."

Now you see why I kind of loved him? He got it. And want to know why I loved fucking Dan? Aside from his gorgeous soccer body and awesome personality? Because Dan was SHAMELESS. Dan would send me BBMs at 4 in the morning in epic detail of what he wanted to do to me. What he wanted to try. What he wanted to feel and see. And I would send the same shit back. Because I wasn't embarrassed. And the sex was amazing because of that. I tried a million different things with him in bed. And some didn't work, but a lot did. And it was SO worth the trial and error, trust me.

Sex is so important in relationships. So so so important. If it sucks, it can and normally will kill a relationship. If it gets tired, old, repetitive, it will kill a relationship. Being open to talking about ideas and fantasies and likes and dislikes - however fucking weird or kinky they are - keeps shit new and exciting.

People cheat because they aren't getting what they want a lot of the time. Because they feel like they can't say what they want. I have no problem making my sexual interests known. I love rough sex, I love being held down, and I love dirty talk (except when it was Mac, in which case he got an A for effort but I couldn't understand what the fuck he was saying). I have no problem telling guys this. Something tells me they don't mind hearing it, either. And you know what? I am always always open to hearing what a guy is into. Maybe I won't want to do it. Maybe I physically CAN'T do it. But if nothing else, I put effort forth when it comes to trying shit. Because you never know what you might end up liking. Stifling sexual expression, ESPECIALLY when you're in a relationship because you can't talk to your partner, is bullshit. Everyone should enjoy their sex life. It doesn't have to be so black and white, marriage only, once a week missionary position in the vag. There is SO much more out there. Trust me.

Maggie Gallagher is an idiot. Plain and simple. bitch needs to get laid ASAP with a big cock. Saying Dan Savage can't give relationship advice because he's gay is no different than saying I can't joke about sex because I'm a chick. Fuck the stereotypes and false facts these assholes lay out. Enjoy your sex life, ask questions, try new shit, be honest and open. Pretending your feelings don't exist because you don't think it's "normal" isn't worth it. You'd be surprised how many people feel the exact same way you do. Watch the exact same porn you do. Get off to the same shit you do. Think about the same kind of scenarios when they're touching themselves as you do. Sex shouldn't be controlled by society's fucked up version of what's normal. Dictate your own sex life by what's normal for you and your relationship.

1 comment:

  1. So Dan Savage has been a Pacific Northwest quasi-celebrity for years and has written his "Savage Love" column forever. He's very popular out here.
    This is what I want to know-when did sex become something to be ashamed about or dirty? It's about as natural as eating and drinking and just as necessary, IMO. When did the powers that be decide that having sex was so wrong?