Monday, April 4, 2011

Paranoia Paranoia Everybody's Comin' to Get Me...

So I'm in the throws of a new current jersey chasing experience. Throw back to baseball, no less. This one has been fun, and is less shady and unlikely than others before it. I have a friend on the inside who is facilitating, so it's more of an introduction through a mutual friend than Stef stalking Facebook, which is a nice change of pace! Less stories to keep straight. Regardless, I'll be going down to Triple A next weekend...or wait, two weekends from visit my buddy so it's a chance for a whole new team of options! God I love being me sometimes. No, but I'm really stoked. I haven't been to a minor league game in YEARS. And the kid in question isn't bad looking either.

In other probably more important news, the book has been uploaded to Amazon and is being reviewed, so unless they have an issue with it, and I sincerely doubt they will, it'll be up and running on Tuesday as planned. I'm very, very nervous and stressed. Stressed it sucks, stressed people will hate it, stressed someone somewhere will sue me though I've been assured even if I am sued, I won't lose. I've put a lot into this shit. If it tanks, well...if it tanks, let's hope it works out with this baseball player because rumor has it he had a nice signing bonus.

I have basically bitten all of my finger nails down to nubs, my knuckles hurt so bad it feels like I have RA, and I've been having nightmares about Photoshop. Like, severe issues, I really need a prescription for Xanax pronto. I can't remember the last time I was so worried and anxious about something like this. Then again, I don't think I've ever basically you know, put my whole reputation and life on the line to this extent. No big deal. I also really, really, really don't want to get sued. If you knew the lengths I went to to basically ensure that a.) I wouldn't get sued and b.) if I did get sued, I would not lose, you'd think I was a psychopath. I think I did more than my fair share of concealing identities and not fucking people over. My mother also thinks anyone who does sue would be retarded because it would only confirm the fact that they are in the book. I read end to end both Katy Johnson's lawsuit against Tucker Max (top reason I didn't go to law school is I have to read shit like, 4 times when it's in legal jargon) as well as the case where the family sued the guy who wrote Running With Scissors. Dude settled, but the attention made the book super popular, and he got a movie deal out of it. Regardless, I'd still like to not get sued, and I think once I make it over that hurdle, I'll be fine. Fingernailless, knuckeless, possibly balding Larry style and ten pounds thinner, but fine.

I reread the book like 30 times. It's hard for me to judge it as an outsider because I know the stories, I've heard them and told them ad nauseum. So I get paranoid when I read something and I'm like "oh that's not that funny". It's not that funny anymore because I lived it 5 years ago and I've told it 48743987 times. But if I were reading it the first time around, I'd think it was funny.

Some parts are more uh..insightful? The baseball chapter is more of the whole lifestyle and the downfalls, thought there are some parts in there I had forgotten about that made me laugh out loud.

It ain't Tucker Max. And I hope that's not what people are totally expecting. I love sex and sports and joking about shit, but there were some parts of the book where I'm a total vagina and I cop to having feelings and emotions, but it's part of the whole thing. I'm not a dbag gold digger who fucks for money. Believe it or not, sometimes there have been feelings attached to the guys I've banged. Not many of them - loads of chapters about guys whose last name I wouldn't be able to tell you if my life depended on it. But a few. So it's kind of this mix of what it was like for me going through certain situations with certain athletes, how certain sports varied from others, and then sex. Lots of embarrassing sex. I tried to cut out as much chick lit bullshit as I could though.

I hope you guys enjoy it. And I hope even if you think it sucks, you can grasp how much I really tried to put into it. It's very hard (at least it was for me) to organize almost 10 years of my life into meaningful stories that had a common thread. There was shit I wanted to put in but left out because it would just be too long and drawn out. And with the name changes and date changes and shit, some of the stories were hard to put together. But I tried my best, and this is what I came up with, and if you like it phenomenal, if you don't, well...please just don't comment on Amazon reviews because I have to make a fucking living too, okay?

I think eventually, within the next two weeks, depending on whether this thing tanks or not, I will be uploading the fiction piece I wrote also for like 99 cents. It's fair fiction writing, but very chick litty and cheesey. But if you liked The Notebook and shit like that, or maybe Dear John is more appropriate, you might like my story also. We'll see.

Anyway dahhhlings, I'm wrecked, I have a terrible headache from staring at Microsoft Word for like, 30 hours today, and I have work tomorrow. OH also, I'm doing a little segment for the David Pakman Show again, just about sex, not about the blog or book. Check it out at 3PM, I'll put a link up again.


  1. Stef this is so exciting!!! Can't wait until tomorrow to grab the book! Can you post a link as soon as it goes up?

  2. Congrats! This IS a big deal, you should be proud. Forget the haters, they will NEVER stop hating and leave the Assholes at work behind. I went from not really liking your blog ( you know way more about sports than I do..) to completely laughing out loud at your posts. I'll buy your book to support the cause, GOOD LUCK!! Relax, and enjoy your big moment :)

  3. Off topic (congrats on the book!) but did you ever do your Sidney Crosby post? I don't think you did. Playoffs are coming up, my interest is peaked. :D

  4. *Piqued,* that is. It's been a long day.