Sunday, April 10, 2011

A Question I've Been Putting Off

Apparently the blog and book have gotten a lot of mention on some college sites, and a lot of people have been searching shit about me and Tucker Max. I have mentioned in a few places that Tucker Max doesn't like me. And I've gotten a ton of e-mails asking why.

I opted to never really mention Tucker Max on the blog. For multiple reasons. One, I was actually kind of scared of coming into his radar. Not that I think I'm like, sooo special, I don't mean it like that. I mean, he had some dick things to say about Karen Owen and the Duke Fuck List. The last thing I really wanted to do before I started shit with the blog was get on his blog as a "sad little cum dumpster". I thought it would ruin my chances of having any credibility. So I opted to not go near him if I could avoid it.

Early on in the blog, when I was still going anonymous, I came to the conclusion that I was eventually going to have to 'come out' for this to work. When I did, or like, right before I did, I sent Tucker an e-mail.

Biggest mistake I made in the whole creation of this blog.

I don't know what I was expecting. Like, maybe I thought Tucker Max wasn't as big of a dick as he portrays himself to be. Maybe I thought he'd have a little bit of sympathy for what I was going through. Maybe he'd think I was hot. I don't know. Regardless, when he didn't reply to the first e-mail, I sent him a second one that was a little bit uh...more firm. I basically was like hey asshole, stop acting like you're so fucking busy and please help a bitch out. I basically told him my situation, and asked him how he got over the stigma of possibly fucking up 7 years of school on a whim. I was putting a lot at risk typing my name to this blog. Like, the chances of me ever getting a "real job" are probably slim to none. So I was scared. And dude had done a lot. Univ. of Chicago, not an easy school to get into. Duke Law? Not an easy law program to get into. I thought maybe he could give me some advice on like, "just going for it".

Here's the thing. Tucker Max? Not a fucking motivational speaker. Needless to say, I give him credit for actually e-mailing me back. But I will tell you this - I did NOT read the whole e-mail. I read the first three lines, and the last line. I then popped two Xanax and swore to God if I could avoid him for the rest of my life, I would.

The e-mail opened with this:

"I don't feel sorry for you. You brought this all on your self by trying to cheat the system. I have absolutely no sympathy for you whatsoever. Fuck off."

The e-mail ended with this:

"Im sorry you're having a hard time, but if you want to talk, get a fucking therapist and stop e-mailing me".

It's actually cocky for me to say "Tucker Max hates me". Dude doesn't hate me. He doesn't give a shit enough about me to hate me. Just like I don't give a shit enough about him to hate him. But if I give him credit for anything, he's the reason I put my name out there. He was right. I was trying to cheat the system. If I was going to promote this shit, I needed to be proud of it and not hide my face.

I read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Didn't read Assholes Finish First. Tucker Max had a good idea, stuck it out, told traditional publishers to fuck off and got his way. I can't not give him credit for it. I only hope to be half as lucky.

On the same token, to me, Tucker Max is like Lady Gaga. Always in character. I've heard loads of stories about him from literary industry people. Clearly, I've fucked a lot of assholes. But none like what I've heard about him. I just feel like it's very hard to be that big of a dick for that long. Again, always in character, because it's the character that sells his book.

So that's my Tucker Max situation. I really, really fucking hope he continues to ignore my existence because I'm so not in the mood to end up on his website, for ANY reason, but...I thought I should address it. I am not looking to be the "female Tucker Max", though a lot of people say I am. I write similar stories, but they aren't the same. I think he'd be happy to distinguish himself from me, just like I'm thrilled to distinguish myself from him. We both trade in sex and humor. That's about it.

And finally, to answer the question - would I fuck Tucker Max? I've fucked worse looking guys (actor with the puppets). But he ain't on my list of hopefuls any time soon. Just like I'm sure I'm not on his either.

1 comment:

  1. ICK. He's gross.

    Honestly, I think he's pretty fucked up in the head. I had never heard of him until I read about him here (you are unintentially "promoting" him, in a way, btw) and I googled and read some stuff about him. Dude sounds like a sociopath.

    IMHO, you shouldn't even mention him at all. Not only are you promoting him, but by comparing yourself to him, or citing comparisons to him that others have made, you might turn off some people.

    Not trying to sound harsh, but you're way better than him, and way more "real". He's a caricature of himself. Just this girl's humble opinion, of course...