Thursday, June 30, 2011

Rationalization?


I know, I've been kind of useless despite my returning from hiatus. I'm trying though, so lay off. Getting dumped is not fun and getting dumped and not having a clue why is even less fun.

Outside of dealing with dbags, life's been good. Finally moved my ass into NYC, which has been a nice perk. It's nice having roommates again. You don't realize how much you actually miss curling up in another girl's bed and watching Friday Night Lights and/or Hoarders until that ability is gone. My commute is also way better now and it's nice not having to revolve my social life around a train schedule that more often than not stops at 2:57 in the morning. God, how many times have I done the drunk LIRR walk...ugh. Anyway, the apartment's also forced me to join a gym, which has been mildly hilarious. Any of you who know me well know I am not athletic, or physical, unless it comes to sex or beer pong. So that's been a mild challenge, but there are loads of hot guys at the gym between the hours of 6 and 8, so I've been trying to make a concerted effort to go. I have come to the conclusion I have no idea how to pick dudes up though, so I end up walking by the treadmills 4 times and look like an idiot. Need to work on my gym game. Any advice?

In other news, US soccer blows. That loss to Mexico was embarrassing, to say the least. Tim Howard was kind of hilarious to watch though, particularly when he's flailing around on the ground. Things like that make me miss soccer hottie, but I also find it weird that I miss DC dbag way more than I ever did during my lulls with SH.

I think, if anything, I've learned in the last couple weeks that the athlete thing maybe wasn't that bad for me. Whether you guys believe it or not, and I know many of you don't, I was a way stronger female person when I fucked around with athletes because I never really got attached. I mean, I cared about them all in my own way, sometimes wished it would go one way, and sometimes gave a second drunken thought before bed to the idea of seriously being with some of them, but I never allowed myself to get sucked into the notion. I enjoyed those guys for what they were worth, and I never really got hurt. DC guy? I thought DC guy was it. I let my guard down with him and poof, I got fucked, and not in the good way. I would never ever take back my time with Dan Casey, or my NHLer, or any of the hockey guys, even soccer kid who kind of a little bit broke my heart. Because none of that hurt really. It was all fun to look back on, gave me good memories, got me from one dull point of my life to another with good shit in between. DC guy? DC guy is a month of my life that I will not get back, of being lied to and being tricked into believing was something else. And now it's hindering some other shit.

A lot of people see my fucking around with the athletes situation as me letting guys do whatever just so I could get with them. False. I mean, I get that notion, but false. I think it was more of a safety net in terms of not getting hurt. Of knowing the playing field, knowing what to expect. This regular dating shit? So not for me. Give me a weekend here or there in some random city or country, with good booze, a couple good laughs, a lot of good sex and a good excuse to buy new panties. I enjoyed leaving feelings and emotions out of it. When it comes down to it, I think that's what I really liked about it all - the ability to genuinely have an awesome time and not hurt or cry or miss it when it ended. I cant do that when I "date normally". It's too big of a loss in my eyes when shit goes south. Not worth the baggage.

As for new athletes on the horizon? I have a few. One is a pro laxer (I know I know, does that even count?) and the other is hockey. Going back to my roots with these two ha. Who knows what will happen, I'm in the beginning stages of figuring out how to get this shit rolling... it's been a while since new athletes have popped up and I'm trying to get back int he game.

In other blog and book news - trying to get my shit together enough to pitch as a show a la Sex and the City. Have a potential bite with it, we'll see where it goes. Still trying to get Stern on board, so the more of you fuckers that e-mail and annoy him, the better. Book's been surprisingly selling well and like I said, apparently misery loves company because the blog's been doing very well also. I don't know if you guys just "get it" or just like seeing me heart broken recently ha.

And finally...I got an e-mail last week that I was on the fence about answering, but I decided to out of annoyance. Do I think my recent FAIL in dating is karma for hooking up with dudes who have girlfriends (a la Dan Casey) or writing about my sexploits? AKA, am I being punished for all the sex I'm having and writing about.

I believe in karma. I do. I've witnessed it big time. I don't do organized religion, but I believe in energy and goodness and I believe you get the type of energy you put out there. Do I believe me getting dicked over by an asshole in DC is karma? Not really. I believe it was me putting my faith in a guy who lied about everything. Yes, I've once fucked around with a dude who had a girlfriend (who he didn't tell me about and I only speculated about until he finally told me like 7 months later, thanks Dan). And yes, I've been in a situation whee a married dude hooked up with one of my friends (again, we were totally not aware of his nuptials). Sometimes I've been in situations where guys have been dicks and I've been less than concerned if there was a girl on the books. But I don't think karma is me getting my heart busted open by some random dude who lives 250 miles away. Nor do I think that's what karma is about.

If I were out there purposefully fucking dudes with wives and girlfriends for the stories, then yeah, maybe I'd deserve a little backlash. I don't. I stay away from the married dudes, and rarely do I tamper with relationships unless I know with certainty they are on the outs. The guys I fuck around with, loyalty ain't their strong suit. I got into all those guys knowing exactly who they were and what they were looking for. I can't take blame if other chicks live the fantasy I so avidly force myself to deny. I know the cheating happens, I know the bullshit that comes with it. I take it all into consideration. Which is why I don't date 'em. I happened to get fucked going the other way - with a guy who I thought I could expect a little more from. It's not karma, it's bad judgement by me and asshole behavior by him.

Hey, if you want to judge me and say this is my bad juju for the shit I've done, so be it. I know women who have done far worse things than made a few public jokes about her own sex life. I got my heart broken and I'm wearing it like a champ because that's what Pisces do. We wallow and over analyze and hurt. You don't like it, eh, too fucking bad, it's the story of the moment. And believe it or not, for me, this is more of an unusual, once in a blue moon story than say, fucking Dan Casey in Europe. And I know I'm not the only one who has ever been emotionally hurt by a guy who was a dick. So maybe you fuckers can relate a little more. Maybe not. But I'm trying to get back on the wagon of writing and getting my shit in order and not crying before I go to bed (so pathetic).

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Happy Birthday to the Man Who Changed my Life



Derek Jeter turned 37 today. I can vaguely remember the first time I heard his name back when I was nine years old. Absolutely terrifying, but I thought I'd send good wishes out to Derek and here's to hoping Minka Kelly ends up being a lesbian. WHAT?



Thursday, June 23, 2011

Trying to get back on the proverbial horse

I hate not writing. It kills me that the blog is surprisingly still doing so well in terms of hits when a.) the last blog I posted was like, a suicide note and b.) since then, there haven't been any posts. I got a lot of e-mails from my band of loyal readers (all of which were so incredibly appreciated), and it broke my heart (or what was left of it, I'm so lame) because I felt like I was letting a lot of people down by allowing this dbag from DC to make me feel so shitty.

On that note - my last rant about boys in general - I don't know if the guy who unceremoniously told me to fuck off ("I would never tell you to fuck off") after I spent 6 weeks and a shit ton of money trying to make myself worthy for him, even though the sex sucked and he was a selfish dick who came on way too strong in the beginning, reads the blog. He knows it exists, but now that it's going on three weeks since shit ended, I doubt he's looked. But if he does read, I just hope he knows how shitty he was. And at 20, I handled things more appropriately than he did at 30. There is a reason he is on Match.com at 30, and that "every girl gets weird after a month". It isn't them dude. It's you. You are a flake. A huge, two-faced flake. As for other reasons why you're single, I won't go into the one reason that occurred six times the last time I was there, but the other is pure selfishness. You don't lead someone on for that long and then ignore them for five days. It's childish, it's immature, and it's hurtful. I've been dicked around by plenty of guys in my life, but this one hurt a lot because it came out of left field, was totally uncalled for, and he just wasted my time pushing me to believe he was something he wasn't. I could have absolutely fallen for him, was starting to, and I would have done anything to have made him happy. Maybe it wasn't enough, but there was a much better way that it could have been handled that didn't involve me losing a shit ton of weight or thinking I did something horribly wrong. I didn't. The dude was just a selfish dick and I hope after a string of other chicks that get weird after a month, he realizes that not every girl puts up with the bullshit he pulled. I miss him, but what I miss wasn't really there. It was all bullshit, and I would give anything to take the month of May back for myself. I can't, but it is what it is. Maybe it's wrong for me to call him out here. But I think he deserves to know that it isn't okay to treat people that shitty. It isn't okay to be such a huge flake. And it isn't okay to make someone care only to turn around and not give a shit when they say they have something important to talk about. That one will forever be on you, dude. You didn't care enough to ask? I'm not going to waste my time running after you to explain. Go tell some other girl how you're going to be a hard core dad and the guys who date your daughter will have a hard time because they'll need to be great guys. Before you start throwing judgements on the actions guys who don't even exist yet, maybe take a hard look at your own and figure out that how you treated me was not okay.

On that note...what got me back to the blog was this whole bullshit situation with former Giants wide receiver David Tyree. David Tyree isn't known for anything other than allowing his helmet to aid in his infamous catch when the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl back in 2008. After that, he blew out his knee and sucked and never made another catch. So basically he is like the lesser known Aaron Boone of football. Oh my God, I met Aaron Boone last month, did I mention that? He came up to me at the W and goes "hey girl". I was like please don't ruin my thoughts of you with bad pick up lines and the fact that you're wearing your wedding ring. Please.

Anyway, so here's David Tyree, who is retired mind you, who suddenly does a promo for NOM (National Organization for Marriage, avidly anti-equality, anti-LGBT group that is led by a band of morbidly obese people). Here's the video:

Also, here's a video of David Tyree basically saying he doesn't want gays to have the right to marry because he doesn't want his kids taught that gay marriage and gays in general are normal.


Okay, so people are saying "everyone is entitled to an opinion". I'm a writer and a blogger, obviously I semi-agree with that. Not everyone agrees with my opinion on sex or women or sports or asshole dbags from DC. But gay marriage isn't like...an opinion. LGBT rights, not "an opinion". Just like racism isn't "an opinion". If someone said black people aren't equal to white, you wouldn't say "oh that's their opinion and they're entitled". You'd say "dude's a racist and he better watch his mouth or he's gonna get slapped".


David Tyree was a coke addict, drug addict, and knocked up that chick twice before he married her. I don't doubt for one SECOND he has probably slept with a woman who isn't the mother of his children. Dude was in jail. And he's suddenly talking about the sanctity of marriage? Why not preach to your former teammates who have 14 kids out of wedlock a la New York Jets player Antonio Cromartie....


I mean, if you want to talk about sanctity of marriage, why not talk about the ridiculous amount of cheating in professional sports, the shit like Baller Alert, the jump offs, the payoffs, the hush money, the baby mama drama and the fucking divorce rate? Pot, meet kettle.

David Tyree doesn't want gay marriage to be legal because, among many other ridiculously misread religious beliefs and talking points, he doesn't want his parental right to be overshadowed by the evil satanic public schools who may teach their kids that gays are "normal" and gay marriage is "ok". Yeah? I wonder what he'd say to the people in 1962 who didn't want their children to be a social experiment with desegregation because allowing black kids to go to school with white kids would encourage kids to believe that "blacks are equal to whites" and overrule their "parental right" to teach their children that blacks are not equal to whites. I don't understand how a man who is part of a minority that truly understands the struggle for acceptance and civil equality is so quick to jump on the gays hate jeebus protect marriage wagon.

I'm sorry. You know my stance on LGBT shit. And on hypocrisy in general. This dude is coming out like fucking Jesus himself preaching about the sanctity of one man one woman bullshit, when he was a god damn coke addicted fornicator. He changed? I bet. You're telling me this guy doesn't bang his wife in the ass, ever? I'm sorry, isn't sodomy against the Bible? Cherry picker.

The thing is, so many sports teams and players have come out in support not only of marriage equality but of LGBT people in general. It's so sad to see groups like NOM and other Christianist crazies hold this dude up as if he is Brad Pitt, Tom Brady, Wayne Gretzky, Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, Babe Ruth and Jesus all wrapped in to one. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE WAS.

Dude needs a reality check. If not for himself, for his kids. He has five of them. And you know what? One might be gay. And to grow up in a household where your dad is actively out there trying to block your ability to share a life with a person you love, isn't going to be easy. Repression. Regression. And a bad life to follow. It's very clear this guy has been led down a shady path of religious talking points based on cherry picked BS from the Bible. He is a "do as I say, and definitely not as I do" type of spokesperson who, in my opinion, has NO idea what he's doing to the LGBT community. I don't think he is fully aware of the consequences his "opinions" the the LGBT community and their rights face because he wants 15 more minutes of fame to pound his Bible. You know, the one that's missing about 45 pages. Some people (I don't know who but I'm sure they exist) look up to this guy. And might take his misinformed opinions as fact. Hate is learned. And he is helping to teach it.

And on an almost ironic twist, I find it hilarious that avid white supremacist and talk show host James Edward has actually taken time out of his busy Holocaust denying life to AGREE with Tyree. Tyree, who he believes is not equal to him. Apparently, a broken and black clock can tell the right time at least twice a day. Even if it's broken. And black. This is what he has to say:

"Even a blind hog finds an acorn every now and then. While I might not agree with David Tyree on anything else, on this single issue, he is absolutely right."

Yeah, he doesn't agree with him on anything else. Like his right to vote. Or drink from the same water fountain. Or to not get lynched for walking down the same side of a street as a white woman. THEY DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING OKAY, JUST TO SEE THE SANCITITY IN (white on white) MARRIAGE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.

To end, here are a few athletes that actually understand the reality of the LGBT community, the value of the LGBT community and the importance to share acceptance, understanding, and above all EQUALITY with the LGBT community. The "it Gets Better" campaign is one of my favorite, and I'm glad to see so many teams taking it on.




Thursday, June 9, 2011


I know a lot of you have been wondering where I've been. And I apologize for the radio silence. But there's an explanation, and I've been waiting a few days to try to figure out exactly how to write it.

I have spent the last 7 weeks of my life trying to find normalcy in my life. I met a guy who was normal. And in my eyes, he was great. Everything I wanted, and I couldn't believe I had gotten so randomly lucky and found him. And I remember coming home from my second date with him and telling my mom that if things worked out with him, he'd be the guy I marry.

The last month of my life was spent basically in DC. On busses, cars, living out of a bag and spending every ounce of energy trying to prove myself as girlfriend worthy. I took a shot on guy that I thought had more potential than all of the guys - be they athletes or otherwise - I've encountered in the last three years combined. I did everything right, and for a while, so did he. And for the first time in a long time, I remembered how good it felt to fall asleep with someone's arm around me.

But at the end of the day, I've learned something. Whether they are star athletes, bankers, or guys who live 250 miles away working for the government, who seem totally normal, they are still guys. And they will still always hold the cards and they will still always end up hurting you in some way.

I spent the last week of my life wracking my brain to try to figure out what I did wrong. And I think you all know I'm pretty fucking good at admitting my crazy habits, at looking at a situation and seeing where maybe I came on too strong or did something stupid. I didn't fuck up. I didn't do anything wrong. The fucker flaked big time, and I just thought at 30, maybe that shit would be over. Maybe there'd be a little more maturity in handling situations. I was completely wrong. And this was not my fault. For once in my life, I put the very best of who I am on the table for this guy. And he couldn't even tell me. I had to call his ass and pull it out of him. It was like someone flipped a switch and I went from being ridiculously happy to feeling like there isn't enough Xanax in the world to make me numb to the shitty feeling I feel right now.

It was only 7 weeks. It was a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. But for me, I felt like I had finally found someone that would end the bullshit chasing and longing and pointlessness of a lot of what I've gone through the last few years. I thought I had a good guy on my hands and I was so incredibly wrong. In fact, I was shocked at how big of a dick he became at the end.

I'm hurting. Believe it or not, underneath all the sarcastic, non-chalant bullshit, I am the world's biggest pushover. And I let my guard down with this guy because I thought he was different and I thought he wouldn't fuck me over. And after he stuck around for a couple of weeks, I thought I had finally figured it out.

Instead, I am sitting here at work, I feel like Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and I hate myself for wasting so much time on a dude who turned out to be just like the rest. I hate myself even more for missing him and wanting nothing more than to call him, knowing I can't.

I know you fuckers probably don't care about my sob story, and I know it doesn't fit in with the rest of the blog. But I knew I couldn't not make a comment about the state of the blog, and I don't know how else to get this shitty feeling of loss off my chest other than writing it out. I am hurting Chasers. I haven't felt this way in a long time. And all I keep thinking is I would give someone my life savings if they could create the real life version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to get me out of this. I just moved into the city. I have a great apartment and great friends. I should be thrilled beyond belief, and right now, all I can do is think about how badly I wanted him to come visit and see the apartment and share that excitement with me. It hurts a lot and I can't help it.

So in light of my emotional not okayness right now, as much as it pains me to do it, I have to put the blog on hiatus. I know I promised I wouldn't do it, and if you knew how much it's breaking whatever piece of my heart wasn't crushed on Monday night to do it you might actually feel bad for me, but I have to. I'm not in the right state of mind right now to be funny (or, what I thought was funny ha). I'm not in the mood to laugh or talk about sex or hookups or other people's relationships. I'm in the mood to watch (500) Days of Summer and relate so closely to Tom Hanson's character just so I can feel like I'm not the only one hurting like this.

I've been through a few breakups in my life. Heath, my ex laxer, was one of the worst. Brian, my high school love WAS my worst. And this wasn't even a "breakup", it was a discontinuation of sorts. But for some reason it's up there in the heartbreak department. I think because I really hoped this was it. That I had found a normal guy who would give me a normal life and a normal relationship. And I was so horribly blindsided by his 180 that it's hurting more than it should. I need to get my life back in order in order to come back to what I've been doing here. And right now, I'm just not there.

I have enjoyed this blog more than anyone could ever imagine the last 8 months. It's been a massive part of my life and despite all the negativity and the harsh criticisms, there have been enough positive e-mails, questions, and comments to make me feel like this was never a mistake. I don't know where I will go from here with my writing, or my book, or anything. All I know is I have done my very best to be honest, forthright, humorous, insightful, argumentative and informative. I wasn't always the best speller, I didn't always have 100% of my facts right. I didn't always make everyone happy with my opinions, but I did my best to make this blog and my book the best it could have been. My only hope is that you enjoyed it as much as I have.

Looking back, last week I was ready to put the blog on hiatus in light of the potential relationship I thought I had on my hands. And now I'm sitting here doing it for the exact opposite reasons. It hurts a lot and all I can say is I hope you guys understand.

Enjoy the summer, jersey fuckers. You can always still e-mail me and I promise I'll still be around to talk if you need it. But right now, I just need to get my life in order and my heart unbroken.

All my love,

Stefanie