Thursday, June 30, 2011

Rationalization?


I know, I've been kind of useless despite my returning from hiatus. I'm trying though, so lay off. Getting dumped is not fun and getting dumped and not having a clue why is even less fun.

Outside of dealing with dbags, life's been good. Finally moved my ass into NYC, which has been a nice perk. It's nice having roommates again. You don't realize how much you actually miss curling up in another girl's bed and watching Friday Night Lights and/or Hoarders until that ability is gone. My commute is also way better now and it's nice not having to revolve my social life around a train schedule that more often than not stops at 2:57 in the morning. God, how many times have I done the drunk LIRR walk...ugh. Anyway, the apartment's also forced me to join a gym, which has been mildly hilarious. Any of you who know me well know I am not athletic, or physical, unless it comes to sex or beer pong. So that's been a mild challenge, but there are loads of hot guys at the gym between the hours of 6 and 8, so I've been trying to make a concerted effort to go. I have come to the conclusion I have no idea how to pick dudes up though, so I end up walking by the treadmills 4 times and look like an idiot. Need to work on my gym game. Any advice?

In other news, US soccer blows. That loss to Mexico was embarrassing, to say the least. Tim Howard was kind of hilarious to watch though, particularly when he's flailing around on the ground. Things like that make me miss soccer hottie, but I also find it weird that I miss DC dbag way more than I ever did during my lulls with SH.

I think, if anything, I've learned in the last couple weeks that the athlete thing maybe wasn't that bad for me. Whether you guys believe it or not, and I know many of you don't, I was a way stronger female person when I fucked around with athletes because I never really got attached. I mean, I cared about them all in my own way, sometimes wished it would go one way, and sometimes gave a second drunken thought before bed to the idea of seriously being with some of them, but I never allowed myself to get sucked into the notion. I enjoyed those guys for what they were worth, and I never really got hurt. DC guy? I thought DC guy was it. I let my guard down with him and poof, I got fucked, and not in the good way. I would never ever take back my time with Dan Casey, or my NHLer, or any of the hockey guys, even soccer kid who kind of a little bit broke my heart. Because none of that hurt really. It was all fun to look back on, gave me good memories, got me from one dull point of my life to another with good shit in between. DC guy? DC guy is a month of my life that I will not get back, of being lied to and being tricked into believing was something else. And now it's hindering some other shit.

A lot of people see my fucking around with the athletes situation as me letting guys do whatever just so I could get with them. False. I mean, I get that notion, but false. I think it was more of a safety net in terms of not getting hurt. Of knowing the playing field, knowing what to expect. This regular dating shit? So not for me. Give me a weekend here or there in some random city or country, with good booze, a couple good laughs, a lot of good sex and a good excuse to buy new panties. I enjoyed leaving feelings and emotions out of it. When it comes down to it, I think that's what I really liked about it all - the ability to genuinely have an awesome time and not hurt or cry or miss it when it ended. I cant do that when I "date normally". It's too big of a loss in my eyes when shit goes south. Not worth the baggage.

As for new athletes on the horizon? I have a few. One is a pro laxer (I know I know, does that even count?) and the other is hockey. Going back to my roots with these two ha. Who knows what will happen, I'm in the beginning stages of figuring out how to get this shit rolling... it's been a while since new athletes have popped up and I'm trying to get back int he game.

In other blog and book news - trying to get my shit together enough to pitch as a show a la Sex and the City. Have a potential bite with it, we'll see where it goes. Still trying to get Stern on board, so the more of you fuckers that e-mail and annoy him, the better. Book's been surprisingly selling well and like I said, apparently misery loves company because the blog's been doing very well also. I don't know if you guys just "get it" or just like seeing me heart broken recently ha.

And finally...I got an e-mail last week that I was on the fence about answering, but I decided to out of annoyance. Do I think my recent FAIL in dating is karma for hooking up with dudes who have girlfriends (a la Dan Casey) or writing about my sexploits? AKA, am I being punished for all the sex I'm having and writing about.

I believe in karma. I do. I've witnessed it big time. I don't do organized religion, but I believe in energy and goodness and I believe you get the type of energy you put out there. Do I believe me getting dicked over by an asshole in DC is karma? Not really. I believe it was me putting my faith in a guy who lied about everything. Yes, I've once fucked around with a dude who had a girlfriend (who he didn't tell me about and I only speculated about until he finally told me like 7 months later, thanks Dan). And yes, I've been in a situation whee a married dude hooked up with one of my friends (again, we were totally not aware of his nuptials). Sometimes I've been in situations where guys have been dicks and I've been less than concerned if there was a girl on the books. But I don't think karma is me getting my heart busted open by some random dude who lives 250 miles away. Nor do I think that's what karma is about.

If I were out there purposefully fucking dudes with wives and girlfriends for the stories, then yeah, maybe I'd deserve a little backlash. I don't. I stay away from the married dudes, and rarely do I tamper with relationships unless I know with certainty they are on the outs. The guys I fuck around with, loyalty ain't their strong suit. I got into all those guys knowing exactly who they were and what they were looking for. I can't take blame if other chicks live the fantasy I so avidly force myself to deny. I know the cheating happens, I know the bullshit that comes with it. I take it all into consideration. Which is why I don't date 'em. I happened to get fucked going the other way - with a guy who I thought I could expect a little more from. It's not karma, it's bad judgement by me and asshole behavior by him.

Hey, if you want to judge me and say this is my bad juju for the shit I've done, so be it. I know women who have done far worse things than made a few public jokes about her own sex life. I got my heart broken and I'm wearing it like a champ because that's what Pisces do. We wallow and over analyze and hurt. You don't like it, eh, too fucking bad, it's the story of the moment. And believe it or not, for me, this is more of an unusual, once in a blue moon story than say, fucking Dan Casey in Europe. And I know I'm not the only one who has ever been emotionally hurt by a guy who was a dick. So maybe you fuckers can relate a little more. Maybe not. But I'm trying to get back on the wagon of writing and getting my shit in order and not crying before I go to bed (so pathetic).

1 comment:

  1. Found out about your blog today from a random girl I met during my 4th of July drinking binge. I am now reading the.blog drunk after.having sex with said girl as she is snoring up a storm. Your stuff is really funny and love that you aren't scared to speak your mind. Bought the book too. Anyways, random story/post. Best of luck.

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