So since I'm back in business, I think it's only fair to start with something traditional and familiar. You know, like my mildly batshit love of Nick Schommer! It's been way too long since I've done a quality Nick Schommer post. So let's recap for those of you who aren't up to speed with my most random of NFL crushes.
Nick Schommer is pretty fucking hot. Let's just start there. Dude is adorable. I'd bang him in a heart beat, and that's an understatement. He used to play safety for the Tennessee Titans, and the he apparently got a hammy injury and now he's looking for new options. Trust me when I say I'm seriously about to call up my buddy Rex Ryan and pop a favor his way. Hey, it's only fair. The Jets made me deal with Jenn fucking Sterger for a while, I should get reimbursed for that misery by way of making Nick Schommer more accessible! I mean that in a totally legal and not-restraining order way!
So yeah, rumor also has it Nick is looking at Houston and Seattle for possible new teams. I'm just saying, Nick, darling, I lived in Vancouver. I love the PacNorthWest! Just throwing it out there that, you know, you might want a girl who can deal with shitty rain, and I'm your girl. Did I mention I'm also really awesome at sex? Just saying.
Anyway, so yeah, Nick's back on the market team wise, and I'm not so secretly hoping he ends up East Coast. I think this dude could afford a good time with a New York lady. He looks a little small town. Like he needs a good shake up from monotony. Take him to Fish on Bleeker, then beers at McSorley's, possibly a Yankees game and I think he'd realize hey, this shady bitch who has been randomly writing about me for a year is kind of cool. I also just bought a whole fuck load of new underwear too, just throwing it out there. Is there really anything better than a chick who loves sports, beer, seafood and sex? And owns half of Victoria Secret? Seriously, why has this fucker not called me yet, I don't get it.
So yes, welcome back to the blog, compliments of the only guy in the history of ever that would probably have a reason to put a restraining order on me. Not really though. You know secretly he's flattered. Wouldn't you be? A tiny semi-hot brunette is throwing random "hey I'd totally bang you and still have fun with you and not be a skank" blogs your way... I've known less ambitious bitches to get an athlete out with less flattery. Nick Schommer, wake the fuck up! Stop being an old man and agree to a beer with a cool chick.
Yep, welcome back to the blog ladies and gay gents. For your viewing pleasure, I give you the 8 or so pictures of Nick Schommer that I have been able to find online. What, he's not like fucking Tom Brady over there. Give me a break. Also, the one on the top of this post is probably my favorite. Looks like he's flexible, probably knows some good positions. WHAT, IT'S A GOOD TRAIT TO HAVE.