Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wake me up when September ends.

Okay, official. No more bullshit, no more summer excuse, I am officially back in business.

A few loose ends:

In regards to my last post, you all will be able to see what I was up to on October 20th at 9PM. Don't hate on me too much, at least I kept it real (and that's all I'm saying).

New radio/podcast gig in the works with a couple of buddies, all of whom have like minded humor. Should be a good time and a good way to publicly be an asshole.

And that's about it. I'm going to get on with catching up with a lot of the shit i missed over the summer, so I apologize if I'm commenting on stories that happened like, two months ago. Deal with it.

Let's start with perhaps the best news i received all god damn summer - Derek Jeter is back on the market! Minka Kelly is peacing the fuck out back to Dillon Texas, which means DJ is on the Upper East side and sans ball and chain!

They claim to have had an amicable breakup. It's a strong possibility. Jeter got to dat the theoretical girl next door with the dimples for three years, who apparently had no concept of baseball whatsoever (if you watch Derek Jeter 3000 on HBO, you'll witness the stupidity that is, Minka Kelly's baseball knowledge, including "I thought getting a hit was when the ball made contact with the bat"), and Minka got the kind of publicity she needed to break into the industry a bit more by way of SWF II (AKA The Roommate) and her new gig on Charlie's Angels.

However, let's be real. It's Derek fucking Jeter. I can think of NOTHING more horrible than sitting down at a table with Derek Jeter, hearing a heavy sigh, and then "I just don't think this is working out anymore" coming out of his mouth. Like, instant suicide watch, non?

And bitch is no spring chicken. She's 30? 31? I mean, that's three years of prime "if I don't get married now, I'm fucked" years of her life stripped and wasted. Kind of sucks. I'd be pissed, wouldn't you?

I'm not gonna lie, I was surprised. I thought this was it. I thought we had lost him for good. I thought he would propose after the 3000th hit and part of my baseball world would be left behind. I thought she had the rock in the bag. Apparently, I have terrible engagementdar. I hadn't even heard of a hint of unhappiness. Total left field.

But again, it's Jeter. I just don't think he has the marriage gene in him. I think he is a serial monogamist that gets bored after a while and likes the option of changing it up a bit. And I'm happy he's back on my side. SINGLE RULES. I can say that with a straight face now.

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