Okay, let me preface with two things - one, I'm wasted. Two, the "e" button on my laptop keeps popping off.
Look kids, if you think I went down to 'Bama to find a husband, you clearly don't know me. I loved every minute of the experience I had, and I wouldn't change it. Yes, I cried (honestly, they told me the camera was off and I was so overtired I let it go). And yes I looked kind of chubby in a lot of scenes. But did you expect anything less? I mean, they cut so much of that meeting, but I think they showed so much of who I was. A no bullshit, "I'm not impressed with you until you give me a reason to be impressed" bitch who knows how much cooler it is to be a southpaw than a righty. This kid wasn't for me. He's not a bad dude - I don't know him very well other than his uh, Clemson situation... but not for me. And I meant it when I walked out of the barn, head held high, that yeah, I knew more about sports. And yeah, it's intimidating.
There was so much more that went into that episode that you didn't see. Me cracking open bottles of wine, sticking up for Hails, refusing to say grace at dinner, calling girls out on being Bible thumpers... and no, I will not get into the fact that Mandy made fun of me ("made fun of me") for commenting on the "no sidewalks" situation. The fuck? There WERE LEGIT NO SIDEWALKS IN ALABAMA WHERE WE WERE.
There were girls who I was there with that I thought the world of. Hailey Glassman was absolutely one of them. I know you guys read shit and believe the gossip, but if you've learned anything from this blog, ti's not to buy into the hype. Hailey is a good girl. She's fucking hilarious and was the girl I respected most on the whole show. She isn't a TMZ lady of doom. Bitch is a hard working, funny ass mother fucker and I got a serious case of humility when I met her. I HATED her the first day I met her. Why? No idea. She's Hailey Glassman. Obviously I have to hate her, right? Wrong. She and I did a photo shoot together (which you'll never see apparently) and I have not laughed that hard with another chick in god knows how long. Hailey is a good girl. And if you think for a second I've ever give credit to a vagina that didn't deserve it, you don't know me very well. She was my favorite, hands down. My token Jew.
As for anyone else? Nicole Ross and I shared the "first girls booted" situation and that girl is the tits. A real, normal, chill, gorgeous girl with a good head on her shoulders. I adore her.
Paige, Ashley, and little rapper Cassie? Those girls were awesome as well. Cassie was one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my life. Beyond genuine.
As for the girls I wasn't so fond of? Eh, let's just say I'm super judgmental and big tits don't impress me much. I'd rather have small titties and a little bit of class, than big titties and a lazy eye. I mean, let's call a spade a spade. And you will never see the arguments I got into, particularly the one about how I had "no feelings". There were girls in that house that got me, and girls int hat house who were still so much in 11th grade of high school. Lookswise, and personality wise. You can't force friendships, but good God it's easy to tell who you hate.
Point being? Don't judge a book by it's clothing. I don't give a lot of credit to women these days, but some of those girls, eh, I'll throw it out there. I loved 'em. And they were the ones who made the whole experience worth it. In fact, I absolutely can't wait to see Cassie in LA next week. And even the ones I didn't like, reminded me how lucky I am to be me and have this life. And be a brunette. And weigh 100lbs (even if it doesn't look like it on camera, ha).
As for the "reality" of reality. You guys are smart cookies. Make up your own minds. I won't do it for you. I know what I went through and what I experienced, and while a lot of it I'm not privy to chat about... I think it's out there for the mass consumption. While I might have looked terribly chubby during elimination (we had been waiting for like, 5 hours and it was pouring rain and I was wrecked and fat looking), i think my "oh fuck I'm totally peacing out tonight" look said it all. You think I didn't know I was getting tanked when I walked in? C'mon. Read my face as I walked up to him.
At the end of the day, it was one of the most unique experiences I've ever had. I love sharing my life and story with people, and doing this gave me that opportunity. It also gave me a huge dose of humility meeting girls and being proven wrong about my initial impressions about them. I got to see a part of the country I'd never have seen otherwise, and got to experience the awesomeness of being in a situation not many people find themselves in. I also got to try fried green tomatos, and pay 7 dollars for 3 blue moons.
Am I sad I got cut? No. Embarrassed? No. I know why I got cut, and if you don't, you're an idiot. But I am glad I got to meet these people and be a part of it and put myself out there in a new way. I'm glad I didn't stick around so I could be a "character" or fake fights. I'm glad I got cut because I was so fucking real, production didn't know how to deal with it. I'm glad DC Alvin made me try this out, because it got me back into the swing of things. And I am proud of that. Reality TV rep or not. I am proud of how I put myself out there, and there is not one thing I would change.
And all I can say, at the end of the day - Thank fucking God I'm a brunette, and a Yankee.