Friday, October 21, 2011

Sweet Home What the Fuck?

Eh, he didn't look like he hated me too much, I don't think... ;). I looked cute, right?

Okay, let me preface with two things - one, I'm wasted. Two, the "e" button on my laptop keeps popping off.

Look kids, if you think I went down to 'Bama to find a husband, you clearly don't know me. I loved every minute of the experience I had, and I wouldn't change it. Yes, I cried (honestly, they told me the camera was off and I was so overtired I let it go). And yes I looked kind of chubby in a lot of scenes. But did you expect anything less? I mean, they cut so much of that meeting, but I think they showed so much of who I was. A no bullshit, "I'm not impressed with you until you give me a reason to be impressed" bitch who knows how much cooler it is to be a southpaw than a righty. This kid wasn't for me. He's not a bad dude - I don't know him very well other than his uh, Clemson situation... but not for me. And I meant it when I walked out of the barn, head held high, that yeah, I knew more about sports. And yeah, it's intimidating.

There was so much more that went into that episode that you didn't see. Me cracking open bottles of wine, sticking up for Hails, refusing to say grace at dinner, calling girls out on being Bible thumpers... and no, I will not get into the fact that Mandy made fun of me ("made fun of me") for commenting on the "no sidewalks" situation. The fuck? There WERE LEGIT NO SIDEWALKS IN ALABAMA WHERE WE WERE.

There were girls who I was there with that I thought the world of. Hailey Glassman was absolutely one of them. I know you guys read shit and believe the gossip, but if you've learned anything from this blog, ti's not to buy into the hype. Hailey is a good girl. She's fucking hilarious and was the girl I respected most on the whole show. She isn't a TMZ lady of doom. Bitch is a hard working, funny ass mother fucker and I got a serious case of humility when I met her. I HATED her the first day I met her. Why? No idea. She's Hailey Glassman. Obviously I have to hate her, right? Wrong. She and I did a photo shoot together (which you'll never see apparently) and I have not laughed that hard with another chick in god knows how long. Hailey is a good girl. And if you think for a second I've ever give credit to a vagina that didn't deserve it, you don't know me very well. She was my favorite, hands down. My token Jew.

As for anyone else? Nicole Ross and I shared the "first girls booted" situation and that girl is the tits. A real, normal, chill, gorgeous girl with a good head on her shoulders. I adore her.

Paige, Ashley, and little rapper Cassie? Those girls were awesome as well. Cassie was one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my life. Beyond genuine.

As for the girls I wasn't so fond of? Eh, let's just say I'm super judgmental and big tits don't impress me much. I'd rather have small titties and a little bit of class, than big titties and a lazy eye. I mean, let's call a spade a spade. And you will never see the arguments I got into, particularly the one about how I had "no feelings". There were girls in that house that got me, and girls int hat house who were still so much in 11th grade of high school. Lookswise, and personality wise. You can't force friendships, but good God it's easy to tell who you hate.

Point being? Don't judge a book by it's clothing. I don't give a lot of credit to women these days, but some of those girls, eh, I'll throw it out there. I loved 'em. And they were the ones who made the whole experience worth it. In fact, I absolutely can't wait to see Cassie in LA next week. And even the ones I didn't like, reminded me how lucky I am to be me and have this life. And be a brunette. And weigh 100lbs (even if it doesn't look like it on camera, ha).

As for the "reality" of reality. You guys are smart cookies. Make up your own minds. I won't do it for you. I know what I went through and what I experienced, and while a lot of it I'm not privy to chat about... I think it's out there for the mass consumption. While I might have looked terribly chubby during elimination (we had been waiting for like, 5 hours and it was pouring rain and I was wrecked and fat looking), i think my "oh fuck I'm totally peacing out tonight" look said it all. You think I didn't know I was getting tanked when I walked in? C'mon. Read my face as I walked up to him.

At the end of the day, it was one of the most unique experiences I've ever had. I love sharing my life and story with people, and doing this gave me that opportunity. It also gave me a huge dose of humility meeting girls and being proven wrong about my initial impressions about them. I got to see a part of the country I'd never have seen otherwise, and got to experience the awesomeness of being in a situation not many people find themselves in. I also got to try fried green tomatos, and pay 7 dollars for 3 blue moons.

Am I sad I got cut? No. Embarrassed? No. I know why I got cut, and if you don't, you're an idiot. But I am glad I got to meet these people and be a part of it and put myself out there in a new way. I'm glad I didn't stick around so I could be a "character" or fake fights. I'm glad I got cut because I was so fucking real, production didn't know how to deal with it. I'm glad DC Alvin made me try this out, because it got me back into the swing of things. And I am proud of that. Reality TV rep or not. I am proud of how I put myself out there, and there is not one thing I would change.

And all I can say, at the end of the day - Thank fucking God I'm a brunette, and a Yankee.


  1. The most embarrassing thing about being on Sweet Home Alabama 2?

    Being the first to get booted off.

  2. Nope. I can think of a million other things that were more embarrassing. I was just the first one to get to sleep in an actual full sized bed! :)

    PS, I welcome all comments, but if you're gonna be a snarky piece, at least own up to your comments and post with your name. "Anonymous" proves you're too embarrassed of your own opinions to be associated with em. Good try though.

  3. Wow...marry me PLEASE. AND I know Tribble personally and he's a friend, but this is just fanfuckingtastic!

  4. Hey Steph, So I came across your blog a week ago and since then I have read more than half of your posts and skimmed the rest. I read them because you reminded me a lot of myself a couple years ago. I owned the fact that I was attracted to athletes and didn't think anything was wrong with admitting it. I mean guys admit they like short petite girls or the cheerleader type or maybe even the playboy model type so what is wrong with a girl being REAL and admitting she likes athletic guys for their determination, talent and hot body!=) I watched the show last night and I am glad you represented the Brunettes well. I am so over blonde, submissive, daddy's girl, I'm so innocent, goodie goodie christian, I just want to get married to have babies and be a wife girls! HELLO! Its 2011! Women fought so hard for rights to work and now there are so many girls that still want to just be stay at home trophy wives. Pathetic.. Anyways I am proud of you for staying YOU & being so Real on the show!
    Now as someone on the outside looking in, I would like to tell you why I think he got rid of you first because Obviously there were ugly, crazy girls that should of been booted WAY before you! So I don't want to make this post too long so I will post another one and tell you why I think the dumb bartender let you go (he seems like a douche to me and you could get better anyways)=)

  5. Okay so here it is, why I think douche bag let you go. So compared to the other girls, you picked a great dress, looked great with your skin color, wasn't low cut, too tight and complimented your personality well, so it wasn't the way you looked. Also your makeup was natural but just enough to accent your features...So it wasn't that either. Your personality was confident and knowledgeable about sports which is sexy for a guy, so it wasn't that either. Now I have been working in the field of Behavioral Psychology for a couple years now, so this is where I am getting all of this. When you told him you use to date athletes or you liked athletes that was his first red flag that went up. This is because when a former athlete or current athlete knows you have a reputation for dating athlete's, they think you are just into them for the wrong reasons, b/c they play sports and they want to think they are the first athlete you have been into(This has to do with their ego, because if you dated, hooked up with another athlete, then they will be insecure that you have been with bigger deals than them and won't feel special) Men want to feel like the King of the Castle and that they are the best catch you have come in contact with. The second red flag Tribble got was when you started giving him a hard time about what position he played. I realized what you were doing, flirting in a making fun of kind of way that was harmless and confident. However men don't see it like that, they think you are demasculating them because you are showing them you know more about sports and aren't easily impressed by their talents. You would think this would make a guy like you more, because you are showing him that he isn't as GREAT as he think it is, but it has the opposite affect. They get scared and don't want to take a chance with a girl that is making them feel less than a man. Now there are some men that can handle girls as confident as you but Tribble wasn't one of them, he will do well with a girl like Devin, submissive, laughs at everything he says and doesn't challenge him. You are more than that and will find a guy that can handle your strong confident personality. It will just have to be a tuff guy, not a weak guy like tribble. I also think Tribble after he met you, looked up your blog and read some of your sex stories about athletes and he got scared...because he couldn't handle a girl like you. Don't change you EVER! This world needs outspoken women like you, so women know that they don't have to be so cookie cutter and can speak their mind=)

  6. Comment above me is absolutley right about the Behavioral Psychology(sp?) Post, I know you say that your break up with DC Alvin kinda came out of no where on his part, but do you ever suspect maybe he came across the blog and read about it and was kinda shocked? So he kind of started acting weird/ignoring you? I know you mentioned I think that you told him about the blog, but he never read it, but what if he really did?

    Don't stop being you though, Love the blog.

  7. Hey Stephanie,

    I've enjoyed reading your blog from time to time and have always appreciated your brutal honesty and sense of humor. Though I've tried to explain you and your blog to my wife a few times, she never really understood what I was saying (all positive I promise) until we watched you on that riveting hour of television. You came across as the one normal/comfortable in their own skin and honest person "attempting" to win the heart of that lonely man/boy/whatever. My wife, a NYC gal, immediately like you and was inclined to make somewhat similar comments as yours about the other women. Kudos to you for putting yourself out there, living life, and experiencing something new.

    Keep writing, entertaining, and making us laugh.

    Cheers from a fellow blogger and Terp.

  8. "I am so over blonde, submissive, daddy's girl, I'm so innocent, goodie goodie christian, I just want to get married to have babies and be a wife girls! HELLO! Its 2011! Women fought so hard for rights to work and now there are so many girls that still want to just be stay at home trophy wives. Pathetic.. I am so over blonde, submissive, daddy's girl, I'm so innocent, goodie goodie christian, I just want to get married to have babies and be a wife girls! HELLO! Its 2011! Women fought so hard for rights to work and now there are so many girls that still want to just be stay at home trophy wives. Pathetic..

    Really? So because they want to stay home with their kids means its wrong? I wouldn't call women out for being around co-workers more than their own kids (even though I could). There is obviously nothing wrong (and one could argue its better for the kids), to stay at home if your husband supports it.

  9. your ridiculous and stuck on your self!! you try to sound so hard core and its funny so thanks for the laughs!

  10. I never said Women who want to stay at home, not work and just raise kids is wrong. I said I AM OVER girls who's dream is so small and so 1950's. Women are basically saying either A. I am lazy and I just want to stay at home, cook, clean and raise kids and marry a guy to support me, because I don't want to work B.I think that being a mother is enough of a goal in life and don't want to challenge nmyself or C. I am content with just staying at home and raising kids, or I "didn't sign up for working when I married my husband" No offense but CHILD REARING(raising) is not the hardest thing in the world, or cooking and I just wish more women would realize we were born to do more than be a servant to our men and children. We CAN be MOTHERS and Co Workers and can run large companies and do it all, it is after all almost 2012. All these women that are content with never bettering themselves, staying the same, and not growing by establishing more skills and education are just contributing to the "step back of women who have worked so hard for the rights for us to do be able to do anything a man can do" I will never teach my daughter to rely on a man for an income, because he will just leave you one day for a better looking, younger servant after he gets sick of you in 20 years because you have nothing further to offer him because you didn't continue to grow as a person like he did. You chose to sit at home and just raise kids and bake cookies all day. Just MY OPINION, which i believe is a great one, you are welcome to disagree=)

  11. Hi Stephanie! I just watched online this past month season 2 of SHA with that QB for the Tiger Triffle Reese, it was an interesting dating show, seemed more 'real' than the Bachelor. Anyway i am wondering about who the girls you didn't like were? i know reality TV can make a good person seem like a villain and visa-versa.
    Also thanks for clearing up Halley, she seemed really nice on that show, Yeah sure she had an affair with John, but who doesn't fuck up in life? I wish Triffle would have given you and Halley a few more episodes. I also like Ashely vickers...she is so pretty and kind, would be a wonderful homemaker-mom. I feel she got a bad edit. The girl i didnt like was the NY Yankee girl Jacklyn... something about her..
    Anyway cool blog! Cy