Sunday, October 2, 2011

Welcome Stalkers!


So since they are officially releasing the cast today, I figure there might be a little more activity on the blog from new readers. And if you are in fact new to the blog, welcome! Don't be terrified, don't be embarrassed, that's my job. And since I haven't actually felt embarrassment since 2002, we're totally fine.


My more frequent readers know the drill. The blog is made up of personal stories about my own habits with athletes that are on the uh, sexual side of shit. There's also my commentary about public jersey chasers that can vary on the cranky side because those posts are usually written in the morning when I'm tried and hungry, but they are way entertaining. Here's a hint - if you like Jenn Sterger, you will not like me.

There are random posts about gays (nope, you're reading it correctly, gays not guys), my life, shit that's gone wrong, my experience writing the book, my relationships, things that confuse me (basically everything HTML related/uncircumcised penises topping that list), questions I answer, and a whole fuck load of posts that for all intent and purposes most people would consider way too much information. But this is my life and these are my stories and you can think I'm a slut or a whore or a cleat chaser or a laxtitute or satan's call girl (that was a good new one I got in the e-mail the other day, LOVE it), or you could think I'm cool and hip and with it and laid back and assume I'm constantly smoking weed (which I'm not surprisingly) because I write about the less glamorous parts of my life and really just have no shame and have a good time doing it. You can take the blog for what it is - a collection of random, sometimes overtired and rambling thoughts about sex sports and dating, or you can clutch your pearls, say a prayer to the imaginary man in the sky and get all riled up about how much sex I have and the passion with which I joke and write about it. It's your call. The blog is open for interpretation and I am certainly not asking anyone to love me. I'm simply asking you to read me and I think whether you end up loving my writing style or contemplating having me arrested, you'll be entertained.

On that note, my biggest piece of advice is to actually start reading the blog from the beginning. Why? Because I repeat a lot of information, continue stories and use a lot of nicknames as to cover my ass when it comes to talking about well known dudes who I've had the extreme pleasure (or in certain cases, displeasure, cough actor with the puppets, cough) of seeing naked. The blog is a lot like my book (buy it, seriously, it's funny I swear) - all the stories tie into one another and to really understand me and the blog, you gotta kind of start from the very beginning. So on that little sidebar on the right there where it says "blog archives", click on 2010 and start in November. And honestly, why did I just have to explain that? I'm computer illiterate and I know that. You shouldn't even be allowed to use a computer if you couldn't figure that shit out, seriously.

Another reason to start the blog at the beginning? Well, as most of my very awesome loyal followers know, I went through what some might construe as a mild case of the mental crazy sads over the summer. AKA I got dumped by a dude who used to play baseball for the San Fran Giants. And it was not exactly a shining point in my humor situation. And it took me a while to pick the blog back up again and remember how to be funny (in my opinion, maybe you think I suck I don't know) and like, laugh. So I don't want you to get like, 7 pages back on the blog and think you are reading Revolutionary Road or like, Confessions of a Depressed Person Off Her Meds. If you follow the blog from the beginning, you'll see the pattern of sometimes I am a normal human being who feels with her heart instead of her vagina and sometimes I love things and sometimes those things end up sucking ass and breaking up with me.

But then I end up banging another random hot athlete and I'm right back on the wagon.


So yes! Welcome new comers, fans of Sweet Home Alabama, fans of sex, fans of sports, fans of hating on other girls, fans of being judgemental, fans of banging people you might not remember in the morning, fans of learning about sex, fans of girls in their panties, fans of sexting, fans of the University of Maryland, fans of Landon Donovan (Larry!), fans of hating on Jenn Sterger! Whether you're here to try and figure out what my chances are of winning over Tribble Reese's heart (to my readers, I know that comment makes no sense to you and that's why I kind of love you guys), or you're here to judge me, or you're here to learn about rough sex, or you're here to try and guess what athletes I've banged and dated, welcome. Whatever the reason is you're reading this right now, it doesn't matter. I'm just happy you stopped by and hopefully by the time you leave, you will a.) be able to laugh about sex, b.) be a Yankees fan c.) hate Jenn Sterger d.) love gay people e.) know what a 4-6-3 double play is, f.) know exactly what it's like to hook up with hot athletes.

Also, in the spirit of shameless self promotion, if you like the tone of the blog, check out the book on Amazon. It's awesome, it's cheap, it's slutty, it's fun. It's me in electronic form, basically. Click the picture on the top right and help a bitch out, would you?

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