Ta Da

Seriously, just waiting on 3 chapters to come back from a lawyer. But until then, TA DA...

In labor

Posts will be light this week (if you can't tell) mainly because I'll be hating m life and ripping my eyes out as I make the edits to the final manuscript. The cover has been designed and is good to go. I'm just doing a double check with a lawyer for two specific chapters, and then it's going to head to Amazon.

Bear with me. You'll have 260 pages to deal with once it goes up on Amazon.

The Ideal Jersey

I had a really great question in my e-mail on Friday from Sadie and I'm only getting around to answering it tonight. It made me really think about the whole jersey chasing process and where I've been the last couple of years with athletes.

She asked me if I could build my ideal athlete, who would it be?

I don't know if she's asking who specifically, as in an actual player, but I'm taking it as a "build your own" type of question. Mainly because there isn't one specific athlete I can think of that has every single quality I'd love in a guy. I know no one is perfect - but when it comes to dating, there's a reason I stick to fuckery only most of the time.

If I had to pick a sport, it'd be hockey. I love baseball, but life with my ex baller was too hard, too unsure. And the season is just so fucking long. 162 games, it's a lot. Road series especially. So hockey takes the dream athlete spot. I love hockey, and there are so many hockey towns I'd be willing to live in - starting with New York. Chicago, Toronto, Vancouver, Boston, Nashville. That's a sport I'd travel for.

Looks wise, I'm pretty open ended but I always prefer dark hair. There's a reason I'm so hung up on Nick Schommer. My friends know why. He looks very, very much like someone I dated. And most guys who I tend to think seriously about have a very similar look. So yes Nick Schommer, I'm thinking seriously about you (not wanting to call the cops on me). Height? I'd ideally take anyone six foot and above.

Personality wise, if I could break the cheating and the flirting out of it, Soccer Hottie's personality on Nick Schommer's hockey playing face, would be outstanding. There is something about Soccer Hottie's personality I will always, always fucking love. Every time I chill with him, it's like being on the world's greatest first date. And once you get past his "I'm so hot" fucking attitude, there's a lot of modesty there. I can appreciate that.

As big of a dbag as he turned out to be, Soccer Kid's ambition was also a big draw. I have a sick admiration for guys who work their asses off. My NHLer was one of the hardest working people I had ever met. He busted his ass to get where he is in hockey today, which is currently the face of his team. How he worked his way up from the ECHL was mildly inspiring. I loved talking to him about hockey because he was so smart and read the game so well. He was borderline retarded in every other aspect of life, but hockey he was like weirdly brilliant. So that kind of dedication to me makes up for a lack of college education and all that petty bullshit.

I can deal with a little jealousy. I don't think I could deal with cheating. That knocks out like, half the athletes I've fucked around with. But I mean, if we're building perfect, let's be a daydreamer right?

So, basically, what we end up with is a 6'2", hockey playing Nick Schommer who would never cheat, works his ass off to be better at the game, and is a modest, laid back guy. Wow, my standards are so low, it's shocking that I'm single, right?

Uh, also, just throwing it out there, Nick Schommer, I'd still date you even though you don't play hockey and you're not 6'2". I'd totally slum it for you, so, if you want, I'd consider making an exception. I don't know many women willing to lower their perfect athlete standards, soooo, maybe you should consider taking up this once in a lifetime opportunity and cancel that restraining order. Just saying...

Cyber Stalking at it's finest

A lot of hits from the blog the last three days have been in regards to Nick Schommer, which I find hilarious because I still have a mega crush on him. He is entirely, totally aware of it at this point, and I can't figure out if he's kind of flattered and intrigued, if he thinks it's kind of funny and endearing, or if he's like, 7 seconds away from making it so I can't so much as fly over Tennessee in the next ten years via restraining orders.

I go through athlete crushes on a daily basis - Karl Haglin was a great one not too long ago, as was John Hester. Schommer, despite totally ignoring my advances and me claiming defeat on numerous occasions with him, has been a constant one though. Not to mention his brother has been a terribly good sport about humoring me with the whole thing. But yeah, something about NS keeps me coming back (and humiliating myself further).

He could be a total dbag for all I know. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't find him insanely attractive, and since I've overlooked dbag behavior in light of physical bangableness in almost all athletes I've dated/hooked up with, there would be noooo problem on this one. It's much, much better to be able to keep your eyes open during sex and in your mind just pretend he's got the personality of the coolest person you know when he really doesn't than it is to close your eyes to avoid the looks and body when he has a great personality. Does that make sense? Probably not but I'm tired so fuck off. Basically, for fuck purposes alone, it's so much better to have a physical thing than a "we connect on a higher level" thing. I wish a guy could tell me the last time he got hard from a girl's personality. Guess what fucker, it's not like I have lower standards when it comes to a turn on. "It's all about personality" my ass. Try fucking a good personality. IT DOESN'T WORK.

ANYWAY..rant over, let's continue.

But I secretly hope he isn't a dbag, because for some reason I have a thing for this dude whom I have never met (or heard speak even - I did a post about how I think he might have a southern accent once. I'm totally not a psychopath, I swear). Like, I remember the first time I met Derek Jeter (and no, I'm really not putting Nick Schommer on Derek Jeter's level, it's just an example you fuckers), I was so nervous that I'd end up hating him because he would turn out to be a huge dick. He didn't, thank God, so my absolute blind faith in everything DJ says and does remained unwavering, but I really wanted him to be a good guy. I think I really want Nick Schommer to be a good guy. Mainly, because if he's a good guy he'll take pity on me and NOT call the FBI.

I wish someone had more deets on this kid. I'm getting to a point where it feels borderline inappropriate asking his brother what size shoes NS wears (that didn't happen, but thinking out loud it'd be a really fucking funny message, right?). I hate liking an athlete purely on looks alone. Actually, that's a lie. Total lie. What the fuck? Why did I just say that? I don't know. But I kind of don't like harping on his looks alone. Can't someone tell me a story about how he's like, a really good guy who works at soup kitchens on Christmas or something? Or better yet, tell me how he's a funny fucker who makes a lot of dirty jokes and drinks heavily but isn't an asshole drunk. THAT would actually make him way more attractive to me than Christian humanitarian work. Because clearly, I have priorities.

UGH, Nick Schommer, get hit in the face with a football Marsha Brady style and be ugly so I stop wanting to bang you. You're frustrating.

(Why do I feel like this is a "funny while you're tired" post that makes me look crazier than normal? Oh well.)

We're a Fucking Tripod

So I'm in the middle of packing for a road trip tomorrow (which means unless I do some live blogging tomorrow, which I'm considering along with video, but don't hold me to it, no posts til Sunday), and I got to thinking about the movie The Girl Next Door. I still love this movie, but was absolutely obsessed with it when it came out. I was a senior in high school when it did, or maybe just going into senior year, and I just found it insanely easy to relate to. Plus, the addition of Baba O'Reilly and Under Pressure makes it even fucking better.

But there's a point in the movie where the dude who curses a lot and watches porn is convincing Klitz (love it) that he has to help them make a porn (watch the movie, I won't do it justice with a summary). And he says this: "Do you know what we are, the three of us? We're a fuckin' tripod. And you know what that means? That means if you kick out one of our legs, we all fall." My two best friends and I, we're a tripod. When I look back over the last two years, of all the jerseys I've chased, banged, loved, mild to moderately stalked, cried over, laughed over, and seen naked, Jock and Michelle, those two made it possible. I could never in a million years have pulled off the shit I write about today, had they not been there.

When my ex laxer dumped me, I was in a weird transition. Post college, so I wasn't living with my college buds anymore (both of whom were in grad school). My other friends all had jobs they liked that took up a lot of their time. I was the youngest person at the office I was working at. And I missed my ex boyfriend horribly. I just didn't have anyone really to like, relate to at that point. Jock had been introduced to me two years previous at Thanksgiving, and I was so fucking intimidated by her. She really is gorgeous, and she had perfect Farrah Fawcett hair and this sick tweed jacket that she let me borrow because I was freezing. And when she let me borrow the jacket, I realized she wasn't a bitch. And I developed a huge chick crush on her.

Michelle? Michelle once drove me home drunk from a diner when I was in college and home for a weekend. I was friends with her younger brother all through high school (and still am). And when I got my job in the city post grad, we took the train together. And we just kind of clicked.

Jock and Michelle both graduated 3 years ahead of me. We had all gone to high school together but all ran in different crowds (me in a different grade obv). But when I suggested the three of us chill at a hockey game one weekend, it's like we had been buds forever. That shit just fell into place.

Without them, I don't think I would have gotten over my ex as quickly or efficiently as I did. Those two were like a new lease on life, you know? They didn't know anything about my ex, other than what I divulged. So they weren't part of that history. It was an opportunity to start part of my life without him in it, a part of my life that didn't remind me of him, a part of my life that had NO connections to college lacrosse or his college or anything. And the fact that they're both pretty fucking hot helped a lot. I loved going out with them because the three of us fucked with everyone (in the sarcastic sense, not the literal sense ha). We always had each other's back.

They've been through hockey, soccer and some baseball with me. We have more stories collectively about so many teams than ESPN does. We've had so many fails in front of teams together that have literally brought us endless hours of fucking hilarity. Any time I offer up a ridiculous idea to go to some random city or country and go see a game and party with a team, they never hesitate. Shame just doesn't exist in our friendship. And even when shit doesn't turn out the way we plan, it's like nothing can ever go so badly wrong that I'd take it back.

I think when people ask me how I put up with a lot of the bullshit that being a JC draws into my life, it always comes back to those two. Because they get it. They relate to it. They aren't jersey chasers themselves, by any means. But they just get it. It's like we have this whole, very large, very athletic inside joke all to ourselves sometimes. And I look back and think "how the fuck did we pull that off?" Some of those stories are in the book - the most impressive and what the fuck ones, anyway - and the details do a far better job of explaining the relationship I have with those two, and the beyond shady shit we do together (nothing sexual you pervs). But tomorrow we're doing the tripod thing again, and even if it ends up being one big fail, I'm so stoked. These two bring out the best in me, to be honest. The funniest, most confident parts of my personality come out when I'm around them. Because I know even if I make a total jackass out of myself, if I say the wrong thing, or fuck the wrong guy, or fall on my face (Jock) or get too zealous, they'll be there to back me up if a guy is a dick.

I wouldn't have experienced half the shit or banged around with half the guys had these two not come into my life and made most of these stories not only possible, but exponentially more unique and hilarious. They make me feel like it's okay to be on this level of crazy.

I love my tripod. And I think everyone - be they a jersey chaser or not - should have a pair of friends as perfectly molded to your life, as I have. It makes all the difference in the world.

Top Five Potential Photos

That was surprisingly easy. After going through 125 photos, I've picked 5 that will be airbrushed (whatever, it has to be done, cellulite ain't going on the cover), and these are the 5 I've picked thus far.

This one is my top choice. I kind of love it.

These two are next...I really love them also, just need to figure out if I want to be tan or airy..

I thought this one was kind of cute and my legs look long

My ass needs to be photo shopped a bit here...heh.

Photo Op

Pictures from Friday come back today! I'll be home by 5 so I'll post some potentials later tonight.

Major/Minor

A comment posted last night made me want to post about this. A lot of people (an editor at Simon & Schuster included) tend to have this opinion that the stories/book/blog won't sell because the athletes I write about aren't like, Derek Jeter and Sidney Crosby (though there have been some Sid the Kid stories on here, just not my own personal experiences ha). That the fact that these guys aren't like the faces of their sport (debatable in certain cases, LARRY!!!) couple with the no-naming policy makes it less intriguing.

I get the sentiment, but here's my logic.

I try very hard in my writing to be relatable. Yeah, I'm sure if I were writing about DJ it's be way fucking cooler (for everyone involved). But what's made the blog work in a lot of ways has been all the interaction. I get e-mails all the time about someone who's dating a hockey player, someone who knows a lacrosse player, someone who loves soccer, someone who knows a soccer WAG, someone that's gotten dumped by an athlete. I feel like the stories are a bit more tangible because they aren't SO tabloid. The athlete thing is there, but it's not out of reach for a lot of the people who read it. A lot of women get it because they've been there. And a lot of guys get it because it takes the celebrity aspect out of it. I look back on when I was dating my baseballer, and I went through SO much shit with him in the minor leagues, and I wish there had been a book like this because sometimes it feels like you're all alone going through it. My college friends didn't get it because they all had "normal" boyfriends who went to college with them. You don't really talk to other baseball girlfriends because they come and go and there's always a competitive streak, regardless of what anyone says. It would have been nice for me to have a book like this where I could say "fuck, thank you, someone gets it".

It's not a brag book. Yeah, sometimes I joke about being an egomaniac and that some of these guys give me an ego boost, but the stories aren't for that. And I feel like that's a huge difference too. I'm not like an authority on athletes and dating and relationships, but I've seen my fair share of shit and I think it's an interesting part of their lives. And has been an interesting part of mine. And please remember - Derek Jeter started out somewhere. That's another big draw (for me) - a lot of these guys have that potential. And if you take away the money, the game is always going to be the same. The stress in the minors is very real, and very much the same as the stress in the majors.

Maybe I'm completely wrong. I've said it before, I'm not banking on like retiring on book sales. I thought some of my stories were funny and worth sharing. I'm not trying to be Tucker Max, despite the comparisons. My book is different and if people don't like it because they're expecting Tucker Max with a vagina, that's not my problem. If the books sucks and does miserably, hey, I can say I gave it a shot and made a few people laugh in the process. But I don't buy the "no one will care" bullshit. The 150,000+ hits to the site since it went up, and the 500+ comments tell me otherwise.

Asshole Question of the Night

Now, even though I don't really think "Ronnie" e-mailed me with a legitimate interest in my answer to his question "if you're not a slut, then what the fuck is?", I thought I'd take the negative and turn it into a positive!

First off, I am so fucking tired of the word slut. It has been part of my every day vernacular for the last three months, and not by choice. Between the e-mails, and the ghetto anonymous printouts left on my family member's cars, and the comments on different sites and the Youtube video and the Brobible article, I'm so fucking tired of it. Not that it bothers me. I don't mean it like that. But it's just so fucking overplayed and TIRED. Seriously, get a goddamn thesaurus and find a better word for slut. It means nothing anymore. It's like calling someone glib. It just holds no weight whatsoever. It's unoriginal and obsolete and I will seriously give major credit to the first person who comes up with a replacement word for slut. I'm simply BORED of the word slut.

Second, since the wonderful people who continue to call me a slut are more than likely going to be unable to find a better word to express their ridiculous disdain for a chick they've never met because they are retarded, I'll humor it and move forward. What do I think constitutes a slut? A woman who fucks a.) for money or b.) for reasons that aren't respectable.

I find prostitutes slutty. Fucking for money, to me, just is vile. There is no personal involvement in any part of it - the selection, the enjoyment, the aftermath. It's all for money. Sex, to me, shouldn't be a job. I know, sex is kind of my job right now. Actually, no, writing about sex is my job. Having sex is not my job. I have sex for my own personal enjoyment, and people who don't - people who rely on sex as a means to survive (and I'm talking like, willing prostitutes down on 34th and 11th, not sex slaves and runaway teens who are too young to have any idea what they're doing) just kind of skeeve me out. Strippers who offer "backroom" dances. I'm sorry, it just loses its meaning and control then. I advocate for women to own their sex lives - not sell them.

Women who fuck to get ahead. This goes along with money, but not just money. Women who fuck a guy because he HAS money. Because for every blowjob she gives him, she gets a new Louis Vuitton bag. Every time a guy is allowed to touch her boob, she gets a new car. This isn't owning your sexuality - it's exploiting it. You want to climb the social ladder? Get a job that allows you to do it. Don't use your vagina. I find women who use sex like this manipulative and compulsive. They don't like the sex - they like what they get in exchange for the sex.

So how am I different? Well, for one, I've never fucked for money.

"But Stef, you're going to get paid for your book, so aren't you fucking for money?"

Do you think when I was 18, wearing a short denim skirt from Hollister and a pooka shell necklace using my fake ID at Bentley's to drink beer with the lacrosse team and dance to Ciara, I was plotting ways of getting rich off of my one night stands? I'll answer it for you - NO. I never had sex to simply write about it. Even Puppet Actor. I had sex with him because to me, it was funny. To me, it was worth the story and the laugh. I never knew I would tell it to anyone other than my friends. It just became kind of relevant to the blog. I never hooked up with or dated any of the athletes I write about to make a buck off of them. I did everything I've ever done with any of them because I wanted to. Because I enjoyed it. Because I enjoyed the thrill, the sex, their bodies. I enjoyed being with them, laughing with them, laughing about them afterward. Some of those nights I've spent with certain athletes have been honestly, the greatest nights of my life. Do you think a prostitute can say that about anyone she's profited from?

I don't consider it slutty to sleep around. I just don't. If you're safe, and you're doing it because you want to - not because of money, or social status, or because someone ELSE wants you to, or thinks you should - I think women who fuck are usually old enough to know what they're doing. I've had a lot of sex in my life. It's always, always, been something I've wanted. I think. I mean, maybe I didn't really enjoy it half way through, or was like "oh my God what was I thinking" after. But I never slept with someone for any other reason other than in my mind, at that moment, it's what I wanted to do. I made my choices and I'm very happy with all of them.

If you still think I'm a slut, what the fuck can I say? I don't agree with you. I think being slutty means you have nothing else in your life other than sex. If your vagina fell off tomorrow, you'd basically have nothing to live for. That's not me. I love sex. It has been a huge part of my life. But so has education. And my family. And my friends. I graduated from college, I've been published, I'm involved in certain politics, I support good causes like Any Soldier and Red Cross. I take care of my body, and I have passion and ambition and drive. Sex is just one part of the life I've led. And if my vagina fell off tomorrow, outside of being terrible fucking terrified and probably bleeding to death, my life wouldn't be over. It's all about having a balance. A woman is no less of a great person if she fucks one guy or 740 guys. If the person who ends up curing AIDS happens to be a woman, would you think less of her achievement if you found out she had slept with 30 men? 40? 100? What does the number have to do with anything? It doesn't change who you are. I am not worse off for having fucked 26 guys. And if my number was 7, it wouldn't make me any different. It would simply give me fewer fucking stories to tell!

That's the point. Whether it's athletes or bankers or firemen or actors, whether the number is 1 or 10 or 50 or 100, it's not about that. It's about the choice and the decision and the motivation behind it all.

And just when I start to think I "get" athletes...

Tiger Woods goes and fucks it all up. Tiger let the world know that after marriage, his standards in woman dropped way low, to a point where basically if you had a vagina and lumps on your body that could be construed as breasticals, he'd bang you. Extra points for chicks who looked like they sucked cock for a living.

I never got Tiger Woods. Maybe it's because I'm very, very shallow. I judge men and women harshly by looks. Why, I have no idea, because it's not like I'm Claudia Schiffer for Christ's sake, but whatever, that's me. I judge. And I judge a lot based on looks. So when dudes not only cheat with women who are less physically attractive than their partners, but continuously cheat with women who are considerably less attractive than their partners, I don't get it. I don't. Because I'm one of those people who can't really fuck around with people I don't find attractive. Okay, kind of a lie, but Puppet Actor was different, that was purely taking one for the team, for a story and a laugh. If I were dating, oh I don't know, Nick Schommer for example (God Nick, it's been a while), I wouldn't cheat on Nick (seriously, I swear), let alone with a dude who looked like Puppet Actor. I don't care how good of a personality a dude has (sidenote: puppet master's personality was not good), it's not going to make me want to fuck you more than physical appearance. If it comes down to two guys, one who is super nice and considerate and smart and who likes to watch movies with me, and a guy who barely speaks English and looks like David Beckham, I'll tell you who wins the vagina. And this is why I'm single, btw.

Anyway, rambling on. Tiger Woods had Elin Nordegen. Bitch was smokin', okay, like everything a guy wants in life - hot, Swedish, big tits, good with kids, a self-starter, a supportive fan, and a model. I mean, seriously, basically dude won the mega ball and still wasn't happy, and instead wanted to focus on his penny collection. I don't get it.

Anyway, after Tiger fessed up to fucking half of the Hooters waitresses in midwest America, Elin peaced out of team "not really an athlete" and got a whole lot of money in the process. And lately, Tiger's been on the media path, allowing the likes of Jimmy Fallon to mock his choice in women to his face, pulling a "look, poor me, please forgive me, I let people make fun of me!" tour.

And now I think I know why. Because dude is about to come out with a new girlfriend lady prostitute stripper porn star thing. And let's just say Elin won't be sitting in her multimillion dollar Swedish mansion worrying about being outdone anytime soon.

Yes, this lovely runner up in the Texas Meth Face competition 2009 has managed to woo billionaire Tiger Woods. I'm seriously starting to think Elin has like, four testicles or something really hideous under the clothing, because what the FUCK is he thinking otherwise? Like, how do you go from Swedish super model to Wal Mart Employee of the Month (until she got fired for getting caught breathing in the helium tank used to blow up balloons in the back loading dock)? I mean, fine, maybe he limited his options when the world found out he was dipping his peen is the likes of c-list porn stars and Vegas strippers and Sasquatch (aka Rachel Uchitel), but like, he has a LOT of fucking money. A lot. And there are loads of women in the world who are willing to overlook the grossness he probably contracted from one of the many aspiring porn stars he shtooped behind Elin's back for the money. And while they might not be at Elin's level of hotness, something tells me they don't look like they just got busted on the latest episode of Cops.

Yes, I'm shallow, but come on. Bitch is famous for getting a goddamn DUI. Like, this is what the gossip blogs got on her. A DUI. If you're going to sit there and tell me her personality makes up for her looks, you're on as strong of crack as half the bitches Woods boned prior to this chick were.

I just don't get it. Most of the dudes who I know that cheat and are athletes, cheat up. Or at least equal to. I feel like Woods thought quantity would equal quality. Like, 400 really ugly broke down bitches would equal 1 Swedish model. BAD MATH DUDE.

Here's to Tiger Woods - keeping meth heads and porn stars ambitious since 2009.

Potential cover photo # 1

So Heather, my fabulous photographer, sent me 4 pictures via e-mail just to keep me satisfied until she mails the DVD with all the other photos to me. So I thought I'd share this one with you guys. Of the 4 she sent me, 2 are definite contenders, but then who knows what the rest of the shoot looks like. I'm only going to upload one because the other one is really a stronger contender, so I want to keep that one under wraps until I get the full DVD and make a decision. This hasn't been airbrushed yet, so that also needs to be kept in mind. My hair is all over the place But for now, enjoy!

Dude - WHY?

Um, can someone tell me who this guy is with Jenn Sterger? Also, why is he with Jenn Sterger? Dude is fucking HOT. It hurts me that he is in a picture with her.

Jenn Sterger - If she's not suing someone, she dies.

Seriously, this is the vibe I'm getting from Jenn Sterger - if she's not playing the victim/suing someone, she'll stop breathing. It's like the movie Speed only more retarded (if possible).

Jenn Sterger is now suing her manager, Phil Reece, in an attempt to recover all of the voicemails and pictures that were part of the 2008 "I want to be taken seriously as a hostess" thing where she claimed Brett Favre was "harassing" her with text pics of his peen and unwanted invites to come run his field in his hotel room. She claims Reece wants to use the pictures and voicemails in a book about Brett Favre, and said she never intended him to have full access/use of the media.

Thoughts? Easy - some of the unreleased voicemails make it clear that Favre's advances weren't totally unwanted. Or, the pictures show it wasn't Brett in the pics (he said he left the voicemails but denied the pictures of the ginger peen that were released were his) and it'll show that she's a liar who just wanted the attention. Take your pic on desperate stories.

I have no sympathy for Jenn Sterger. Nada. None. Zero. This chick wants it all - to be taken seriously as a girl who can report on sports, but also to be considered a sex pot hostess who has the chance to bang athletes. I think she was flattered Favre wanted to bang her, and probably flirted with the idea, and then released the situation to look like she's too above it all and it backfired, horribly.

And now she's suing her manager and is dragging all this shit back in the news. Methinks her manager has some dirt on her she doesn't want put in a book. And I think it's all in the voicemails that would probably prove that she had contact with Favre. In the ones released on Deadspin, it makes it look like Favre scammed her number from someone and then is responding to hearsay from something she told someone (basically she said if she were to fool around with an guy like Favre she'd end up in a garbage can, and the voicemail released is of him allegedly responding to the fact that she said that to someone). So it hides any evidence of her having contacted Favre and him responding to her. Like "hey, sorry I missed your call" or "hey, just returning your call" or "hey, we're still on for tonight".

Look, I don't care if you want to fuck around with athletes (even though Favre's married and I'm not super kosher with that, it's my own opinion). I think it's pretty clear I'm all for having a fun, active sex life. My big issue here is that Sterger is trying SO HARD to come off like there's no reason to doubt her intentions, no reason to doubt her involvement, no reason to think she is taking herself too seriously. Sterger markets herself with pure sex. Look at every picture of her on Google - she's either naked, in a bikini, giving a "cum all over my face" look, showing off her terrible boob job in a cut up t-shirt, in a cowboy hat, in a bikini, and just overall trying too hard to be a Playboy model. But then she wants to be taken seriously. She's not really coming across as sympathetic to me. I talk all about my sex life, and my situations with athletes. But I own it. It's not produced, it (to me anyway) doesn't wreak of desperation. I'm not trying to come off as a sex symbol. I find humor in sex, and I can laugh at myself and trust me when you see the blooper pics from yesterday, you'll realize I in no way shape or form take myself seriously. I don't straddle two halves - I have sex, I joke about it, laugh about it, sometimes I look good, sometimes I look like shit. I don't try to be one thing and then another. That's what Sterger does. She wants to be a Playboy model but also have the social respect of a Barclays Capital CEO. Meanwhile every picture of her screams "do you want another Miller Light?"

I'd be interested to hear the other voicemails. The pics I can do without, creepy peen is not something I'm super interested in viewing at the moment, and if that changes there are plenty of free porn sites for that. But the voicemails I think will be pretty telling when it comes to showing that Sterger wasn't all Miss Professionalism like she painted herself to be.

Youtube Version

Here's a clearer version of the DP interview without having to skip and that doesn't drag. Also, enjoy all the original comments about how I'm a slut, a slag, and how I'm uninteresting. So uninteresting people take the time to watch it and comment negatively. ;) Eh, everyone's entitled to their opinion. At this point in the game, I've heard it all.

HIlarity

I have to say, I thought today was going to be a disaster. The last time I got my makeup done and took "professional" photos I ended up embarrassed and looking like a drag queen on acid. Not surprising that my boyfriend at the time (who the pictures were for) broke up with me like a week later. I indirectly blame the photog. Today? Not a similar situation.

It took a glass of wine and a beer (I ran out of wine) to get me chilled out enough that I got into it. But good GOD I had so much fun with this photo shoot. My mother's bedroom is a disaster area. When I looked back over the pictures on the camera, there are so many good ones that will be contenders for the cover. I'm usually not photogenic at all, but my fabulous makeup artist Ketta Vaughn and my awesome photographer Heather Gallagher both did fucking amazing jobs today. I can't wait to show you guys.

Actually, I'm more stoked to post the bloopers and candids because some of them are hilarious. I look borderline inbred in certain ones. So yeah, that will be a good time.

Also, so typical - my makeup was taken from a Victoria Secret shoot with Alessandra Ambrosio. I was like I WANT THIS FACE....AND HER BOOBS....AND HER HEIGHT.....AND HER STOMACH.... Ketta obviously couldn't give me all that, but she did a damn good job giving me the makeup!

Webcam Illiterate Stefanie Williams

Here's the video from today's interview with David Pakman. Yes, I do have a shirt on. And yes, I speak very fast. 

A Good Point

If any of you happened to catch me on David Pakman's show, he brought up a point I don't think I've ever addressed. A lot of people say I am doing a disservice to women, that I'm helping "objectify" them.

I totally and absolutely disagree.

Why, when women mention ANYTHING about enjoying sex, does it suddenly become objectification? I don't understand. Men can talk about fucking women all day long and their sex lives and there is no moral issue here. Women, like myself, mention the fact that we have sex and suddenly I'm objectifying women, making them sexual objects? Fuck off.

Women have sex. Women enjoy sex. Women laugh about sex. Not all of them (I think we all remember the Cookbook Lady), obviously. I don't understand what's so bad about admitting that? Or supporting it? Dudes who write about fucking women - they objectify women, and I don't hate them for it, but THEY objectify women. How do I objectify women? If anything, I objectify men because I fuck dudes, not ladies.

That's always been the big thing here. Don't talk about it. Don't laugh about it. Don't admit it. Don't mention it. If you've had sex with X number of people, you're a slut, regardless of your motivations or any other trait you have. That's what I'm being told by a lot of people. I'm trying to gain a little headway for women who like to have sex who aren't prostitutes to be able to find some middle fucking ground. To be able to have a sex life they're proud of and not ashamed of, and somehow I'm doing a disservice for women? I'm trying to prove you can be smart and educated and witty and safe (and totally modest too, clearly) and still like to bang. That you don't have to be a frigid bitch with no sense of humor and a steal bear trap of a vagina to be respected in the world. I don't understand how that's a bad thing?

Objectifying women. Give me a fucking break. I stand up for the fact that sleeping with multiple guys doesn't take away from any other good trait a woman might have. That having a healthy and active sex life doesn't make you less of a hard worker, or driven person, or accomplished human being. That being able to view your sex life with pride rather than humiliation and shame doesn't have to ruin your life or your reputation.

People who want to put women on a pedistal of virgin purity are the ones setting not only an often times unattainable standard, but a selfish, pointless one as well. I'm supposed to not get laid because of what your opinion of me might be? Right. And who are you again? That's what I thought. If I want to fuck my way through ten teams (I'm getting too old for that kind of ambition), it doesn't take away from the person I am. I'm doing a disservice to the bullshit women of the world who want to uphold this feminine value of chastity. Sorry, but those are women who haven't has good sex yet. Have good sex and then tell me you want to miss opportunities to have it. You won't.

No, I don't think I'm doing a disservice to women. I think I'm doing a good thing for me and a good thing for women who are constantly being branded "slut" or looked down upon for no other reason than a number, or a lack of shame for the sex they have. Women can be a million different things. But they shouldn't have to give up their sex life - or at the very least, hide it and be ashamed of it - to get there.

The David Pakman Show

Just a quick reminder, I'll be on the David Pakman show tomorrow at 2:15PM EST. I don't know if this shit is live, but here's a link so if you're bored at work pop your headphones in and watch me struggle with my webcam. If it isn't live, I'll have the link up as soon as David puts it up.

UPDATE:

Okay, it's not live, but you can watch it at 3PM here Stef on the David Pakman Show. Don't act like you're too busy bitches, it's St. Patrick's Day. Put the booze down for 15 minutes and throw me a bone would you?

UPDATE 2:

I know, there's a lot of political chat. But I promise I'm in there, so just wait it out and learn something alright? Christ.

Update 3:

I was doing SO WELL with not speaking fast and then I just lost it. FUCK. Oh well. For those of you who missed it, I think David puts his show sup on Youtube so I'll post it as soon as it's up.

Rambles

One of the single worst "lines" I have gotten in 2.5 years of working at my bar/living in New York/being a woman.

A guy came up to me tonight, interrupted me mid conversation to say this:

"My friend over here is very shy, so why don't you come over and introduce yourself to him and say hi."

Let me explain something to all people who ever go into a bar. Whether I'm cocktail waitressing, bartending, or checking the God damn coats at the door, I am not a fucking escort. I am not getting paid to "entertain" you. I'm getting paid to pour you well vodka and say it's Kettle. I'm getting paid to give you your beers so you don't have to get up and walk four feet to the bar and wait. I am not there to flirt with your loser friends - this one of whom looked like he stepped straight out of his high school home coming dance with sport coat and too-tight khakis - or introduce myself to anyone I have no interest in introducing myself to. You want women to pretend to like you? Go to a fucking strip club.

I obviously don't go over. The guy tries to call me over again, to which I put my finger up, mouthed "one minute" and turned around pretending to do something.

At the end of the night he comes up to me as I'm playing Angry Birds (it was slow). He puts his hand out and goes "you missed an opportunity tonight." To which I look at him like he has three heads, having no fucking idea what he's talking about.

"James Dolan," he said, and I shake his hand, still looking at him like what the fuck are you talking about?

"You don't recognize the name?" he said.

"Garden City?" I asked, thinking maybe it's someone from my hometown.

"Owner, Cablevision," he said.

"Oh," I look at him perplexed. This dude is not James Dolan.

"My ex-boyfriend was from Oyster Bay Cove. I went to the Dolan's house for fireworks when I was 17. You are not James Dolan."

"You could have been a very rich girl," he said as he ignored my comment and hustled out the door. "We invited you to come chat but you blew us off."

"I'm trying to achieve that on my own, thanks," I said.

Let's just break this down. A.) Dude was not James Dolan. I even Googled him to make extra sure he didn't have a son or something. No. So you're lying about being James Dolan. Which doesn't impress me a.) because money doesn't impress me b.) I didn't know who that was by name and c.) I've already partied with the Dolans. When I was 17.

B.) You're lying about being someone to try to piss off a girl for NOT being interested in talking to your 5'5", 21-year old looking friend who looks like the uglier version of Blaine from Glee. Really? Your pride took that much of a hit when a girl turned you down that you try to "insult her" by LYING ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?

Missed an opportunity, Jesus Christ people. Men of the world, please, don't assume that just because I work in a bar, I'm retarded. Or sleep with men for money. Or am impressed enough BY your money that I will overlook the fact that you suck as a person. I hope that fucker comes back in so I can call him out on his absolute bullshit. Seriously, JAMES DOLAN? What a fucking loser, my God. I really need to make a profit off this fucking book so I can get the fuck out of this job and away from these dbag bankers.

Sorry, just needed to rant about that...

Nudie Pics

This isn't really sports related, but I thought it was relevant.

Vanessa Hudgens (if you don't know who she is it means you're over the age of 25 in a good way) has this issue with "leaked" nudie pics. It happened back in 2007, 2009, and now this week. They were apparently being sent to then boyfriend Zac Efron. Now another batch has "leaked" and these are a bit more graphic, showing a gynecological view, if you will, of her chotch. She claims she's outraged and she is annoyed that the person who has these photos is leaking them over a long period of time, and insists they were taken "years ago".

Let me remind you, she's 22. "Years ago". Please.

I'm not going to link to the pics because there are legal questions about her being underage when the pictures were taken and I have enough egg shells to walk on on this site, I'd like to not get sued for kiddie porn. But they are very easily Googleable and I believe Celebitchy has a link.

Look, this is what I think the situation is: bitch took a bunch of photos and is very into herself. You can tell that she is trying to break away from the virginal Disney thing by the photoshoots and shit she's done. But she's a Disney starlet and would get in some serious trouble from the Mouse House if she admitted she was sexually active at the time these things started popping up. I don't find it to be a coincidence that all of those photos were leaked prior to movies she was in coming out. HSM2 or 3, I can't remember, Bandslam, and now Sucker Punch.

I am not against taking pics like this. I know what it feels like to be proud of your body and want to show it off to a guy or a boyfriend who is far away with a 3.2 megapixel camera phone. I get it. What I don't like is the whole do it and feign shame. Bullshit on that. While she's not "apologizing" for the photos (anymore, she did when they first leaked), she is kind of coming out against them. Meanwhile, I wouldn't be surprised if she were the one leaking them to begin with. Perfect publicity for Sucker Punch. And she gets to be like "OH WHAT HORRIBLE PICTURES....but don't my boobs look amazing?"

Look, if you're going to take nudie phone pics, be sure you're cool with the possibility of people seeing your bits. I generally leave my face out of pics, and I think in 99% of the ones I've taken, I've had underwear on. If the world saw my small boobs, I'd be embarrassed for like, a second and then be like "fuck it, they looked nice". Women like Hudgens and Carrie Prejean are so retarded when it comes to this shit. Yeah, it's supposed to be private. But most likely it won't be, so brace for it. You don't want people seeing pics of your cootch, don't put your face in it, or don't send it to begin with.

Kids today. I swear.

Backpack Full of Dreams

Okay, so, I normally hate using real names and stuff, but given the fact that the whole fucking thing is about him, I had to post it. I've met Jay once or twice and he's a funny guy, so this is all in good fun. Also, any excuse I have to post this picture of him getting his face kicked in (again all in good fun) is worth it.

To my friends and I, Jay Demerit is like the love child of Flea from RHCP and the Geico caveman. He's kind of crush worthy though. Anyway, Jock filled me in on this fucking piece of hilariousness. I love when dudes from the US team try to make themselves important. Granted this isn't entirely Jay's doing, I don't think - someone apparently actually thinks his life is worth a documentary? - dudes like Robbie Rogers and even Heath Pearce (love ya Heafy) have their own websites. I love RR - THERobbieRogers.com. As opposed to SOMERANDOMRobbieRogers.com. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, my favorite part of this whole thing, and the part that makes Jock and I laugh the fucking hardest, is this gem:

"Jay left for Europe with only his passport and a backpack full of dreams. Sleeping on floors, painting houses and eating beans and toast to survive, Jay's dreams would finally get a chance"

PRICELESS. First off, dude is totally evoking Miley Cyrus in this description. "I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan". Miley left with a dream and a cardigan, Jay left with a backpack full of dreams. Same shit.

Also, love that he was eating only beans and toast to survive. Come on, it's not like he moved to fucking Mumbai and decided to SlumDog Millionaire it for Christ's sake. He was in London and he went to college. Meanwhile you'd swear by this description he was the little mouse from the movie An American Tail (Fifel).

Anyway, to watch the whole thing, go here and check out Jay Dem's backpack full of dreams.

Rise and Shine - The Jay Demerit Story

Chasing the Jersey - Time to Find a New Game

I hate reading Perez Hilton, because since his apparent run-in with Jennifer Anniston where she asked him "why are you so mean?" he found God or something and all he does is tell everyone they look great. Like, you know that scene in Mean Girls where Regina George tells the chick with the plaid skirt she loves it and is all super sweet and then says "that is the ugliest effing skirt I have ever seen in my life"? That's what Perez Hilton has turned into, without the comic releif of Rachel McAdams. And seriously, who the fuck wants to read "upbeat" gossip? Give me a fucking break.

Regardless of my own rants, yes, I do read Perez Hilton, and as such, came upon this quote from Eva Longoria about her divorce from basketball ex-husband and worst teammate of the year award recipient Tony Parker:

"It's been—every time I talk about it, I want to cry. It's been hard. Very hard. I'm just trying to get through it as gracefully as possible without any drama. I'm kind of having to find new patterns because I'm not used to having—I'm used to always being on a plane and flying to a basketball game. I'm in a transition stage, settling into a new routine. And I welcome it."

For anyone who has ever seriously dated an athlete, while you might hate Eva (and I actually don't) don't even fuck around and say you don't get it. I get it. And if I fucking get it, and I don't really have a heart (or a brain at times), you get it.

Dating an athlete is all about routines. And routines that revolve around a life that isn't yours. Even when I dated my ex laxer, and that shit was like, limited NCAA, it was a fucking lifestyle. Diets. And curfews. And road trips. And bad losses. And good wins. And practices. And did I mention diets? Diets.

I had such an unbelievable routine with his athletic career that I barely had a life of my own my senior year of college. And I'm not complaining, at all. I loved every minute of it. I'm a fucking jersey chaser, hello, have you been reading this blog for the last four months? Christ.

Don't even get me started with baseball, either. I lived, breathed, ate, slept, and fucked through pain for that sport. I spent more time in my car or on a plane going to minor league games than I did collectively going to class all four years of Maryland. When that shit was over, I remember thinking "Jet Blue is going to fucking go out of business and so is BP". Eva is right - you get into a pattern with athletes that in my opinion, is different than non-athletes. Because it's an uneven balance. Most relationships, though I'm sure not all, are kind of an equal give and take of both people's lives. But with athletes, it's more of a take. I signed up for that, so again, I'm not complaining. I'm a typical fucking pisces and will give everything I have until I go bankrupt or crazy. I like that kind of shit, which is why I always made a good girlfriend to athletes. I was willing to give up parts of my life to cater to the rigidness of certain parts of theirs. I gave up spring break with my friends to go to Spring Training. I gave up Maryland lacrosse senior year (in presence not in spirit) to go watch lacrosse at my ex's college. I failed French (true story) to fucking go visit him every weekend. And I am not the only one to do it.

I think that's why I have such an aversion to dudes who aren't athletes. I'm used to the routines of that kind of shit. The practices and the injuries and the write ups and the rumors and the trades and the releases and the big wins and the God awful losses. Dudes without all that baggage are just so much less...interesting to me. The only time I probably would have done well dating a financial guy is when the economy sucked balls in 2008 and people were like, dying. Then, I would have totally been good with it. But otherwise, it's just so boring.

I feel for Eva. She was with Tony a while, and that's a tough cycle to break. You go through hating the team, hating the sport, turning the channel as quickly as you can when a game is on to avoid remembering. You get rid of jerseys and pray for playoff fails and injuries. It sucks. But you move on. And if I can find a bangin' new athlete to fuck around and have a good time with (NHLer, Soccer hottie, Soccer kid, etc.) something tells me Miss Eva won't have issues. Basketball is way lame. I hope she goes for hockey next.